As a married person, do you ever feel guilty about your interactions with attractive members of the opposite sex?

I deal with it by talking about it openly or pursuing relationships – that is because my husband and I are in an open marriage and that’s what works for us – therefore I don’t have any guilt, ever.

An open marriage, eh? Since there’s an ackowledged prospect that one of you could decide that your next extramarital relationship is the real deal and call it quits, doesn’t this create tension in the marriage that other couples don’t have to deal with? Do you ever find this stressful or are you a rock of fortitude and self-confidence?

No

@astrakan If another person is more of a ‘real deal’ for my husband than I am, then I would hope he would be with them, yes…that is just how we work…an open relationship is just as vulnerable to that as a monogamous one…prior to this marriage, we were both married to others and monogamous and left those people because we found the ‘real deal’ in each other, so clearly, no one is ‘protected’...I am certainly not a rock of fortitude or self-confidence but I firmly believe that our way of doing things actually prevents a lot of problems

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I disagree with your statement “an open relationship is just as vulnerable to that as a monogamous one”. Your response makes me wonder how much you really know about monogamous relationships. In a monogamous relationship external desires are deliberately suppressed – not caved into at the slightest whim. That’s the promise that’s made.

Never. Although I’ve never been even remotely attracted to anyone other than my SO. We routinely comment on physically attractive or somehow intriguing individuals to one another, but there’s no real attraction and thus no awkwardness.

@astrakan Do most married people really have to actively decide to “deliberately supress external desires” ? That just does not compute for me. For my partner and myself, there is no desire for anyone beyond each other.

@astrakan oh I’m sorry…clearly you know a lot more about monogamous relationships…by virtue of? that’s right, I thought so…what you disagree with is my experience of it and that it doesn’t match yours but it doesn’t mean you know any more than me – a monogamous relationship, I meant (maybe you need clarification) can be broken apart by finding another just as much as an open one can – and maybe you don’t know much about open relationships but we, as complex individuals, do not just ‘cave in’ to the ‘slightest whim’ – that is personality dependent, not relationship-style dependent…for example, to get with me, a person must be incredibly intelligent even if we just have sex and nothing else – that just about narrows it down to very few people

It depends on what you mean by “dealings.”

@Simone_De_Beauvoir “oh I’m sorry…clearly you know a lot more about monogamous relationships…by virtue of? that’s right, I thought so…”

Excellent counterargument. Ok, you win.

@Facade By “dealings” I meant “interactions”.

Nevermind. I don’t feel like it

@Facade As you wish.

Guilty? Not sure. I am conscious that if I flirt with someone else, it would probably bother her, so I don’t flirt in front of her (nor in other places in real life, for that matter). I do feel a pang of something when I see someone beautiful and I want to stare at her, but I don’t want my wife to feel bad, or feel like I’m comparing her to someone else.

I don’t feel guilty about my interactions with attractive members of the opposite sex who are not my wife. I am conscious that it might bother my wife, and I don’t want to do that.

My very married, very Christian grandma used to say, “When you stop looking, you’re dead.” (She stopped looking in 2000.)

One’s eye is going to be caught by an attractive sight – there’s really no stopping it, so there should not be guilt. Guilt follows as a result from making poor choices instead of good ones. If I had an affair, that’s worth guilt (and so much more). But even though others are often attractive, I am true to my guy, so no, I don’t feel guilt. (And I don’t mean any of that “true on a technicality” crap either.)

Now, if I pursued my attractions to the point where my relationship with my guy suffers, that would be guilt-inducing. We made that promise to be First and Only for each other, ya know? But in the real world, you deal with other people, whether at work, at the grocery, or as friends. It’s what you choose to pursue beyond the innocent that matters.

I am attracted to other men although I’m happily married (being married to one man you love doesn’t mean all other men suddenly turn ugly!) but I do not ever feel guilty because I don’t ever do anything to even let them know I think they are attractive. I act the same way away from my husband as I do in front of him… we wrote that into our wedding vows and I take it quite seriously!

I Dont feel guilty. At all. Of course, Im an introverted kind of person.

Ahh, we’re talking about ogling other people… Well, both my man and I are flirtatious by nature and don’t even know we’re doing it half the time. If we’re with each other and happen to see an attractive person, we’ll point him or her out to each other. no hiding that I think someone is attractive ;) If we’re apart, we often text to each other about said person, maybe even send a pic if we could snap one. No guilt at all.

Why would I feel guilty? Am I supposed to avoid anyone that is even remotely attractive because I’m married? I have to interact with people throughout life…that’s just how it is.
I know my husband works with some cute girls, and probably sees some beautiful women at work, that’s life. I know he thinks I’m the most beautiful and it’s not a big deal if he thinks someone is good looking, because some people are and it’d be silly to deny that.

I have absolutely zero romantic feelings for other people. I appreciate attractiveness, but it means just as much to me when I see a statue, a painting, or a movie with attractive people.

@Facade oh my god one time I was running a workshop and this incredibly beautiful new teacher from our kids’ pre-school attended and I stood there behind some wall trying to take a picture of her butt to send to Alex – uber inappropriate stalker fashion, I felt guilty in front of her lol and I was a total idiot when she smiled at me…complete idiot, swooning…

@Simone_De_Beauvoir LOL! Aww! I’ve been like that around a beautiful woman once before. What did Alex think about her posterior?

@Facade well first of all he told me that I am a stalker and need help, secondly he said he couldn’t see it all that well which means that she was too skinny for his taste and she wasn’t my usual taste either in that she was very petite but her smile overshadowed everything

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yea, I know what you mean. You should have dropped something and asked her to pick it up because [insert lame excuse here] haha

I’ve said this before, it takes more than a pretty face and/or a nice bod to turn my head. I notice hot guys and beautiful women, but I have yet to actually be attracted to anyone since I met my wife.

@Facade somehow I’m thinking the whole group would see my phone

How so?

@Facade well because this was in the middle of them doing organized group exersize

Oh I see. You perv lol

No. I don’t do anything I’d be having to feel guilty about.

Never. The world consists of more than 2 people.