How long should a couple wait before having sex?

Depends on the couple. My boyfriend and I had sex the day we met in person… we’d been talking for about a month online prior.

I am careful about this. I have only made love once without getting the results back from a STD test first. And that was my first time and we were both virgins. So for me it is a couple weeks after a trip to Planned Parenthood.

I was with a friend when he died from AIDS. It was really bad. I am not rolling the dice.

I think that it depends on the relationship and the people. Basically, you should have sex when it feels right and you can be safe about it. If it doesn’t feel right to both of you or you can’t be safe about it, then you shouldn’t have sex. Otherwise, you should do it the moment you both want to and can be safe.

When people want to varies by person based on their personality and personal beliefs.

I knew I was safe, I had been tested since the last time I had sex, and my boyfriend was a virgin. I wasn’t being irresponsible lol

Til the credit card clears.

Til they get home.

It is advisable to wait until the door is closed…

I took my wife on our first date. We went bowling, and to pizza.
When I started taking her home, she said “I don’t want to go home yet. Let’s go on another date.”, so we drove to San Francisco, and had a drink and a stroll by the wharf.
So, for us, it was the second date, but it was really the first.

I definitely had sex too soon with my husband. I wish we had waited. But, can’t change that.
In the past, I think I never thought it through. If god forbid something happened with my husband, I think I’d be wary of actually sleeping with new people. I’d want to really get to know them.

With us, it took two weeks.

As long as it takes in order to have a good understanding of what the involvement will be by having sex in the first place. If you both know you’re just fooling around then go for it, if you both think you really like each other and are open to what may happen then go for it, if one of you is fooling around and the other is hoping it will go somewhere then maybe you should wait.

About two weeks before the wedding actually. We knew we liked each others looks, cooking and story-telling abilities, and we just wanted to be really sure before we did something difficult to undo.

Why do you think there is some optimum time? What’s really behind this question? Do you feel uncomfortable with sex in your relationship? Do you think you may have made a mistake?

Or is it the other way around? You wish you had done it sooner?

There’s no oughts in relationships. You do what you do, and see what happens. If you made a mistake, you made a mistake. It’s not the last time that will happen. You’ll fix it.

This is not the kind of thing where comparisons mean much. What matters is how it is for you.

Now, if you’re just curious about other people’s experience, then ask that question. But forget about “shoulds.”

I think at least some of it depends on your age and the age of the guy you are dating. If you are 15, ten years is probably a good amount of time to wait.

If you are both grown ups I think @johnpowell and @EmpressPixie make very valid points.

@SuperMouse: True, I was assuming a basic level of maturity in my statement. If you are 15, unless you are mature enough to know you are too young, you probably aren’t mature enough to have sex.

I know, I’m such a prude!

It pretty much depends on what values you hold. If you believe that sex is only for married people, then wait until you are married. If you have no such value – then whenever the desire and the opportunity coincide.

When you don’t want to be a couple any longer. Sex makes two separate people as one.

For me and my SO, 3–4 months

I think Daloon pretty much hit the nail on the head.

@Ataripete you better be joking

What happened? :S

Until they are ready to discuss and deal with any potential ramifications, good or bad.

There is no rule, whenever you feel like it and consider it safe. Demanding a blood test dampens the mood, but it is necessary if you don’t want a nasty surprise later.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

>Ataripete you better be joking

Why? I am sick of all this ‘it’s never the girls fault’ attitude. There isn’t a girl alive who doesn’t know that guys want to get into her panties and if she goes out and drinks until she passes out in the company of a drunk guy, then wakes up sitting in something sticky it is as much her fault as his. I don’t go out with guys I don’t trust, and I certainly don’t drink enough to get drunk let alone pass out.

however long you want. I have no problem with those that sleep together on the first date nor do i with those whom prefer to wait. It makes no difference, what’s important is how happy they are when they’re not doing the no pants happy slappy dance.

@Girl_Powered well I really don’t think this is a question to discuss whether or not being raped is the girl’s fault or not and you may be sick of whatever attitudes you want – I, of course, respectfully disagree with many of your statements as clearly they’re based on your particular understanding and past experiences alone…but forgive me, you can not possibly know whether or not EVERY girl out there knows about this ‘truth’ about men and you can not possibly think that every girl who gets raped is raped by a stranger who got her drunk…and I sincerely hope that you’re not as heartless as you sound when you discuss the aftermath of what, to many, is an incredibly traumatic event…may you, in the future, never find yourself in such a situation despite all your obvious precautions…

@filmfann: Awwww! You got a GA from me because that’s such a cute story!

Well, I am both very stupid and very lucky. I had sex with my boyfriend on the first date after a week and a half of knowing him. That was over a year ago and we are still together, so it wasn’t a hit it and quit it deal. Also, I am still disease free even though we had sex on the first date and neither of us had been tested recently.

@Girl_Powered: I’m with @Simone_De_Beauvoir on this one. I didn’t see the original comment but from what I can gather it was something about rape. Rape is never the the fault of the raped. By this logic, if I walk down a street in NYC at night, it’s my fault if I get mugged. Yes, you shouldn’t get drunk if you are by yourself and in a potentially dangerous situation. Nobody here will disagree with you. But even if you do, it’s not your fault if you “wake up in something sticky.” What would you say to the girl who was having consensual sex with her boyfriend who began to hurt a great deal and tried to pull away? If she was in serious pain, tried to pull away, told him to stop several times and he just kept on going, what would you say? “Oh, it’s her fault for having sex in the first place.” I too hope you never find yourself in any situation like this.

My current partner and I had sex after being very good friends for 4 months and then slowly deciding we would be really good together.

When we decided we wanted to get serious with one another, we were finally intimate.

This of course varies from person to person, relationship to relationship. With most partners, I have waited until I felt I really wanted to and that the person was special to me. Not everyone holds these aspects to be as important as I do so there really isn’t a rule or ideal.

Follow your gut.

Answer: How long is a piece of string?

I don’t know, I’ve been on both ends. I’ve known girls for 4 years before sleeping with/dating them, and I’ve known girls for a night before the deed, with about the same relationship success either way.

I mean, who gives a shit what everyone else thinks about your level of promiscuity, if you’re happy you’re happy, beyond that what seems to be the problem here?

@KatawaGrey
>I didn’t see the original comment but from what I can gather it was something
>about rape. Rape is never the the fault of the raped

I think that when you express an opinion it might be a good idea to know what it is about, i.e., read the original comment. It is not about rape at all, it is about stupidity and responsibility for actions and their consequences.

If an adult walks into a room full of flammable liquids and strikes a match, any resulting explosion would be considered their fault. If an adult leaves their house and leaves their front door open with valuable possession in plain sight, and burglary would be considered their fault. If an adult gets drunk then drives a car, if they smash into a power pole, it is their fault, not the fault of the power pole.

But, when an adult woman gets so drunk that she passes out in the company of a drunken and horny man, whatever happens – it isn’t her fault. That makes sense to you? She knows the risk, but does it anyway. I did not say that the guy had a right to rape her, I said that I am sick of women not accepting responsibility for a consistently occurring, easy to predict consequence to something she put herself at risk of happening.

I don’t understand why I hear so many girls saying; I think he might have done me when I passed out , then shrug it off and go out and get drunk again the next Friday.

I have only been with one person, and we waited for 4 yrs. before we did anything. We both decided that it wasn’t right for us at that time, and we are glad that we waited. I know many of you are wondering how we did that, seeing as I am obsessed with the whole Dominatrix thing, but we did. We cuddled, and went on dates like everyone else, and yet we respected each others wishes. I think that you should be able to trust the person, and know who they are and what they are about. But that is me personally.

@Girl_Powered: Then perhaps you can PM me with the offending comment that got modded. From your previous comment I gather that it’s not her fault the first time, only all the times that might happen after that. Did you ever think that maybe the reason why girls get drunk, suspect they’ve been raped and then go out and get drunk again is because our society doesn’t care that they were raped in the first place? Maybe if people didn’t say, “Hey, it’s your fault for getting drunk in the first place.”

Also, blaming someone for getting robbed? How about blaming the person who walked into someone’s house and took something…

—In a perfect world women would not have to worry about being taken advantage of whether they were drunk/conscious or not.

But we all know this is not a perfect world and I can’t understand why women put themselves in that vulnerable position. It is stupid. It is like walking through the worst part of town alone at 3AM, it is asking for trouble.

It makes me mad that I can’t walk anywhere I want at any time of day but I know it is a fact of life that I can’t so I don’t.

Rape is not the fault of the victim, but if you have a brain in your head, do not make yourself an easy target.—

There is no rule for when you have sex. Just be aware of the success/failure rate of the various types of birth control and be prepared for the possible consequences of your actions.

Depends on maturity and individual worldviews. Everything from 1 day to 1 year. It should never lead to unwanted pregnancies or the transmission of HIV.

When you are ready.

Isn’t it the same as swimming: wait 30 minutes after eating to allow for proper digestion? See ya…Gary/wtf

We waited 9 months… not on purpose but it just worked out that way. It was a combination of me being comfortable with having sex for the first time and being on a birth control for a steady amount of time. (He was ready sooner but waited patiently)

You just have to be adults about it. I don’t think 14 year olds should be having sex but really, as long as you’re in a relationship and are prepared to make that jump (super safely) it’s just a matter of your comfort level (and the guy’s too). And you should enjoy it. There’s nothing sadder than sad sex.

I don’t think there should be a time frame as to when people have sex in a relationship. It should be when they feel they are ready and have talked about it. It could be the first night or the wedding night. Everyone feels differently. People should do it when they are ready and they want to do it.

I dont think a couple should put a time period on when the first time they have sex will be. I think it all comes down to if they love each other, are ready and are willing to accept the consequences that may come with sex. Whether its a week into the relationship or a year, it is soley an individual decision that shouldnt be based on statistics.

@Caitlyn9239 welcome to fluther. Lurve.

if you cannot date without sex it ain’t love