What's the best "bar story" you've heard?

I grew up next to Amityville, Long Island NY.
Up the street from the infamous Amityville horror house. Was a bar called the Dacoda Rose.

A friend of the family was there one day and Ronald DeFeo, JR was sitting at the bar having a drink. They knew each other.
After a while of talking, Ronnie said he had to go home for a bit.

The rest is history. As he went home and killed his family, the house becoming “haunted”.

My husband was at our local ‘dive bar’ one night (before we met) and some ‘stranger’ walked in (small town, everyone knows everyone that comes into Molly’s) he was acting all squirrely ordered a beer, said it was flat, bartender gave him a bottle… he was just generally acting as if he were aggravated at something

The place was crowded and one of the locals (who happens to be a little slow) walks past this guy and bumps into him. The guy shoves Jack up against the beer cooler and three people have to pull him away. The guy leaves and everyone thinks “whew, what an asshole”
less than a half hour later, the ‘strange dude’ walks back into the bar with a CLEAVER and starts swinging. He slices the arm of one guy wide open before anyone knew what happened.
One of the regulars picked up a barstool and swung it at him to knock the cleaver out of the crazy guy’s hands… his hand got sliced wide open, but he managed to knock the cleaver out of the dude’s hand… at which time my husband and three other guys jumped on him and held him on the floor with his hands behind his back till the police and ambulance got there.

(not really a ‘strange coincidence story, I admit, but the only ‘bar story’ I have)

Note: I’m 21 my boyfriend and our best friend are 32.

Hahahaha me, my boyfriend and our best friend we’re all at a pub one night. There we’re a couple of younger guys, looked to be just out of high school-ish chatting it up beside us. My little threesome was having a grand time laughing and drinking when suddenly one of these guys next to us says “Man, I’m 18.. and I’ve seen some shit!” The look on my two guy’s faces was priceless! They both stopped talking, turned their heads towards this young guy and started laughing hysterically. I know that my two guy’s have seen some real shit in their days. I think they we’re more offended than anything, but the beer turned it into humor at break-neck speed.

Might have been a “you had to be there” kinda story, but holy cow watching two 32 year olds, blow beer everywhere and laugh like a couple of school girls is hilarious no matter who you are! – LB

This isn’t exactly a Bar Story as I wasn’t in a bar when I heard it but here goes…

When I used to work in the building trade I shared a house in York with this lad that was a grave digger, one Saturday a mate of his was visiting from Manchester and we were sat in the kitchen that afternoon having a few beers and chatting, we got onto the subject of girls and sex and this Manc lad told us the funniest stories ever.

He had met this girl and they really hit it off, were hanging out loads, and in his words (were going out and getting totally fucked up and shagging like mad for a couple weeks) so one crazy night they go out and end up back at his place and in the morning he wakes up and realises he has shit the bed, she’s still asleep at this point, he thinks what the fuck am I gonna do? So get’s up smears some of the shit up her arse crack and goes and cleans himself up. He then comes back to the bedroom, slips into to bed and then starts shouting at her, “WHAT THE FUCK? YOU’VE SHIT THE BED”

She of course freaks out, cleans herself up and gets out of there as quick as possible and he never hears from her again!!

The really funny thing is after he told the story he said “I wish I hadn’t done that, she was ace, I think I might have loved her”