Why do the homeless make some people feel so uncomfortable?

Maybe something like “survivor’s guilt,” only in regards to prosperity? They have so much, he has so little, and they could help but choose not to. Or do, but can never do enough.

Either that, or a kind of classism. “OMG, we’re so much better than him! How dare he sit where we sit!”

So, what’s with all the questions about homelessness, @starbux?

Here’s my list in order of what I think the most common are:

* people are uncomfortable to be faced with a situation they feel helpless to affect and don’t like to observe suffering, to be seen looking on the suffering with helplessness.

* people may feel angry when they feel they work so hard to make it in the same world as the homeless person; they might ask themselves, “life is hard for everyone, why can’t this person work through it, suffer through it like I do? Why should I feel bad, sad or guilty?”

* some people may have experienced homelessness themselves or pretty near becoming homeless and it gives them feelings of anxiety to where they just want to be away from the association.

It’s partly because they smell awful. Haven’t you noticed?

because they remind us of the misfortune of others and an illustration of how some folks get into a downward spiral from which they won’t recover. I see it almost every day down the main drag of the city where I live. it has its own subculture of homeless alcoholics. they hang out at the branch library, too.

not all homeless people look like “the homeless”, though.

@starbux Are you by chance writing a paper or thesis on the homeless?

I think I feel badly for the person. I want them to be safe and warm.

@starbux Don’t you have a home to go to?

Living in San Francisco, I’ve had plenty of experience with homeless people. I don’t harbor any anger towards homeless people thinking they should just “tough it out and get a job”; I do not feel arrogant or classist around them, and I do not feel guilty. I could not imagine a life more difficult. My reasons for it are a lot more tangible and sensory:

One reason is that often their appearance is off-putting and people often think of them as “creepy” and such. Who would I rather run into in a dark alley?

Another is that a lot of homeless people are mentally ill and that’s always a little unnerving because their behavior can be unpredictable and erratic.

Another is that yes, sometimes, they do smell bad. I’ve walked past a homeless person and got an extremely strong urine scent; quite disgusting.

All in all, though, I would never be “angry” if a homeless person were on BART and were near me unless they were actively bothering me, but I can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable sometimes. Maybe it’s “wrong”, but it’s what I feel. Just being honest.

Now, giving money to them does make me feel a little awkward (I still do it though) because it’s like I’m the one with the money and they’re not; why can’t we both have it? In that case, guilt might play a part. But I’m referring to the general presence of them that makes me uncomfortable sometimes.

@JLeslie: I wish I still possessed the compassion to have said this. you gave the true answer.

I think it’s a combination of foreignness and guilt. People aren’t comfortable with the homeless because they have never been homeless, and don’t know what it would be like to be, and don’t want to know either. Also non-homeless are much better off, and they know it, and I think that makes some people feel awkward.

Because they are The Homeless.

note to self: The Homeless would be an awesome name for a band.

@Ria777 What @DominicX said about many of them being mentally ill is true. My grandfather was paranoid schizophrenic and towards the end of his life I don’t know what would have happened to him if his son, my father had not made sure he was safe and warm. Maybe he would have been able to get himself to a place that could help him, probably he would have died much younger than he did. My grandfather functioned fairly well during most of his adult years, went to work every day until he retired, but life was very difficult and he was very poor. I work at a psych hospital and I see many patients who live in shelters or on the streets, and about half are afraid of their own minds almost, I don’t know how to describe it. It is like they are in a world of chaos inside of their own heads, it is not their faults.

Then there are people who are homeless simply because they have hit very difficult financial times. They have tried to do the right things in life, maybe they did, maybe they really screwed up with their finances because they didn’t know any better, but many want a job, they want to take care of their families.

Lastly, there are people who are drug addicts or alcoholcs. Now, know that some of these people are very mentally ill and they self medicate with these drugs, to quiet the voices or tolerate their own minds. But of course there are people who just got hooked on crack or meth and f@#cked their life. That is sad, but I think most people have less empathy for that.

The Canadian sociologist Erving Goffman wrote a book in 1963 called “Stigma” which explains the roles that stigmatized people assume in society, and the roles that society assigns to people who become stigmatized by, for instance, a change in socioeconomic status.

@all: Attention. starbux is no longer in the building. Maybe he finished his essay; I hope we get attribution.

@Blondesjon Just don’t try using The Smut Monkeys as a band name; I own the rights to that one.

@gailcalled, that was weird, wasn’t it?

Some people may think they are dirty. There are still human. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor. You shouldn’t judge someone if they have a home or not. I personally feel sad for our homeless people.

I think JLeslie touched on it and responding why I am uncomfortable (generally I don’t like to speak for other people) with the homeless. I have encountered homeless individuals whom I have tried to help only to have them rant at me probably because they had some mental condition but once this happens to you it forever makes you leery.

I feel badly for that person. I feel that life is so unfair that there are people out there whom no one care about. It is the raw reality of human sufferings that is disturbing.

@starbux is now Flutherless

Maybe we think of them as being shamed by their condition and we instinctively turn away from that, as if to give them the dignity of privacy with it rather than being exposed to public view.

Maybe it’s fear of being molested or importuned.

@Jeruba, @starbux may have left the building, but not before starting the ball rolling on a good thread!

I think our encounters with the homeless are a mirror on our own; some are concerned for their own shame, some for their safety, some are concerned for the homeless person(s) encountered. I am made aware of my own fight to get off the streets, and for how many years I considered myself only one paycheck away from homelessness.

More and more people these days are one paycheck from homelessness – more than most people may think.

Awww… I came on here today, full of anticipation: How many more homelessness questions has @starbux asked since last night?? But alas, my hopes were dashed…now I will never know which of the many theories was the real reason for all those questions.

I think @starbux was soliciting donations to the @starbux Benevolent Fund.

Perhaps @starbux is working on a paper contrasting the answers of real homeless people with the suppositions and speculations of people who are not. And that would have to mean that he or she made an assumption that none of us was typing in the library in our only set of clothes.

I think I feel guilty. I feel like I should help them, but I don’t know if they will actually be helped. I want them to get social services instead of bothering me. They scare me a little. They might be dangerous. They might spit at me, or attack me or yell at me or try to touch me…. I don’t know who they are. They are strangers.

Now I know that many of them are mentally ill, I am still conflicted. I could end up like them. But money just keeps them from coming in off the streets. It is easy to give a dollar or something. It just buys them off. It doesn’t really help. It’s a no-win situation unless I take the time to actually get to know them and find out their story. I feel like that’s not my job, and they can get help from their families or social services if they really need help.

re: “and they can get help from their families or social services if they really need help.”

Many do not know how to use Social Services, or have some barrier to getting there, etc. Also, not all families are as helpful to their members as you might think.

@laureth You are right.

In some places they do have folks who go around and try to find the homeless and let them know where they can get help if they choose to. It’s hard with the mentally ill, though. They may be paranoid or have other reasons for preferring not to deal with social services.

Families—I understand that some families get to the end of their ropes or no longer have the resources (or believe they no longer have the resources) to help a family member. I also understand that there are times when families no longer want to enable their homeless relatives to continue in addictions that make it impossible to get work or support themselves.

A large portion of chronic homelessness is due to mental illness. Other homelessness is usually temporary.

I have often used the excuse that I don’t want to pay for someone’s next fix for not giving money to the homeless. That was when I didn’t really understand mental illness. Now I wonder when is addiction related to factors a person can control, and when is it related to things like mental illness or genes? Further, does it matter why a person is homeless? Does it matter why a person begs?

I can not sort any of that out just in a five second contact on the street. So I randomly give money. I feel a tiny bit selfish and somewhat smug when I don’t give money. It’s not a part of myself that I am proud of. Sometimes I’m in a hurry, and I don’t want to stop and dig out money. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes I’ll give a dollar, and rarely, I’ll give a tenner.

I think perhaps I should take a moment to find out what is going on with the person, and to help them get help if they want it, but I have never done that. Sometimes I feel that just looking them in the eye and not pretending I don’t see them is enough, although I know that encourages them to pester me as a softy. There’s one guy where I work who, the first time I said “hello” to him, asked me for a handout. I told him no. Since then, we acknowledge each other, but he doesn’t ask any more. Others know his name since he’s a regular. I wish I knew his story. He seems to have difficulty speaking, and he is given to making odd noises that seem involuntary, as if he has Tourette’s or something.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do—I have so many conflicting feelings about this.

I know I’m not sensitive enough to know if a person is homeless just by physical proximity, or sight, or smell…
I think many posters are adding cumulatively harmful connotations to ‘homeless.’
If smell is the problem, then say: ”...if a smelly person gets on the subway…”
If dishevelled hair and torn clothes are the problem, say…“if a person with dishevelled hair and torn clothes gets on the subway…”
We often create our own discomfort with our attitudes.

Here is a link to a posting on HomelessNation that includes some relevant advice from Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche