Is all fair in love?

I think it depends on how much you love someone.
For example: would you sell your soul to be with the one you love?
These bad things we do are really best summarized as that question, applied to a real, measurable consequence.
I think I would, if I found “Her”. You know, the One.

Morally & logically, you may know it’s wrong. But in your heart, you can’t control how you feel. Once someone gets in your heart, there’s no way to let them go if you really love them. You can’t talk yourself out of it. There’s many kinds of love. I think the heart (& body) really does rule the head. And if you fight it, you’ll just be even more miserable. You have to be able to handle it, deal with it & go with the flow..

Is all fair in love?
Love, business, war. The end result is the goal.
No matter how you get to it.

So yes.

A person in a relationship, who is willing to stray…knowing full well what they are doing, shows that they have no respect for that particular relationship. I think the other person is probably better off without them.
The person pursuing someone in a relationship is iffy to me. I do feel it is wrong, and I view them as a cheater along with the person in the relationship BUT for me, more fault is on the person in the relationship. They should have more respect for their partner, and if they want out then just say it..don’t go behind someones back and cheat.
I think sometimes it’s not done to hurt the other person, but I do know there can be people who have no regard for others feelings at all when they should have some decency.

To put a personal spin on it. I would not stray, because I hold honesty and honor above all else. Cheating on your spouse is immature. If I was not happy in my relationship with my spouse, I would have the balls to bring it up to her face and discuss it, not slink around behind her back and be fucking some other female on the sly.

There is no excuse for cheating. Period. If you aren’t happy with your present partner, then get the fuck out and try again with someone new. I don’t believe in that hogwash of ‘a moment of weakness.’ People are not dogs, we should be able to control our sexual bits and urges with the 3 pounds of meat between our ears.

I’ve never been cheated on, but I will say one thing. If it ever happened, my partner would surely find themselves with a black eye and an immediate absence of my availability. If you cannot be honest with your partner (especially if you are married) then why the fuck are you with them in the first place?

This might be one of the few things in my life that I see in black and white.

I think that all is fair in love and war so long as you are willing to lose everything. The love, the respect, the comfort, the security. In war lots can be gained but all can be lost. The same idea follows love. You could gain an amazing love-of-your-life, fall head-over-heels and live Happily Ever After; but all that can be lost with one wrong move.

I will always hold strong to my rule: “Do unto other as you would have others do unto you.” Everything always has a way of coming full circle. You get back what you put out and Karma can be a bitch! – LB

When people stray it’s because they are thinking not of their partner but themselves.
If one person is thinking only of themselves, the relationship has some fundamental problems.

I just wrote an email to a person that is married and wants to have sex with me – it’s all clear on my end as I’m in an open marriage but he is not – so the email’s gist was that althouth I do desire him, there will be no sex unless his wife was informed of the fact and since it seems that she will never be so informed, there will never be any kind of sex – to me this is a new development as in the past, I didn’t concern myself much with such things…but as ironically as it might seem to some, entering into an open relationship has made me much more conscious of being moral about entering into sexual arrangements with people…when I was in my first marriage, I didn’t sleep with my current husband until my former husband was aware that we’re breaking up…however, my current’s ex-wife was not aware of their break up until after we slept together so back then I certainly didn’t consider her feelings…looking back on it it doesn’t bother me much…

I think it depends on circumstance. If you are single and have no commitment to anyone else, why not go for it. Its not your responsibility to make sure the other person is being faithful. On the other hand though, if they would cheat on the other person for you, whose to say if you got in a relationship they wouldn’t do the same thing to you? If there arent strong feelings and its just for the sake of hooking up, its not right, you are hurting someone else for no real reason. But if there is a possibility of something to come of it, love is all about taking chances and risks.

@confused101 the chance that they will cheat on you is the same as any other chance…just because a person never cheated before doesn’t mean they won’t start with you

@Simone_De_Beauvoir my wife and I are in an open relationship; that is, if either one of us wants to have a dalliance on the side, we MUST inform each other of the fact. Like you, I would not do anything with someone who is ‘cheating.’

Just because I am in an open marriage, that doesn’t mean I am a slut with no morals. Sex is one of those things that is very important to me and to those I love, and to do anything sub-par or secretly is unacceptable. I have never cheated on anyone, not even when I was single, and that is one thing I am extremely proud of in my long and colorful past.

In my opinion, it is the responsibility of everyone involved to respect the commitments involved, regardless of whether those are their commitments or someone else’s.

For example, if you are in a monogamous relationship (either explicitly, or by the fact that it is our culture’s default), it is your responsibility to stick to that commitment. If you know someone else is in such a relationship, it is your responsibility to not enter in a relationship with them that would break that commitment (before they negotiate that with the other person involved).

Keywords here are commitment, knowledge, and negotiation. “Cheating” is not about having sex with someone, it is about knowingly acting a lie—doing something while letting the other party to understand you are not, by either directly lying to them, or letting them remain in the belief that you are honoring your agreement with them. People feel more betrayed by the lie than they do about the act itself, more often than not.

Knowingly participating in such a betrayal is, in my opinion, not an act of kindness and integrity.

That said, love and passion make people do the stupidest things. Having mercy on yourself and others when screwups happen is also highly recommended.

It’s not your fault if someones girlfriend wants to be with you or you can’t control your own girlfriend. All things will heal with time relationships included.

@bennihan: “It’s not your fault if someones girlfriend wants to be with you”—indeed, that is not your fault. There is no need to feel guilty about feelings, let alone someone else’s feelings.

However, if you know that that girlfriend’s SO would not approve of you getting intimate with them, it is your fault if you do that before they have sorted out things between themselves.

@evelyns_pet_zebra yeah it would certainly feel counterintuitive..most of the people we usually interact or sleep with are single, actually

I think every person is responsible for him or herself. If I’m single, and a prospective lover is married (and we’ll presume not in an open marriage), then I’m not responsible for upholding her marriage commitment… she is. And if the situation were reversed, it would my responsibility, not hers.

Having said that, I can certainly see why someone might take a willingness to be unfaithful into account, when choosing a prospective lover/partner. In other words, I might choose not to involve myself with someone who would cheat on her spouse, but that would be because I don’t want to get involved with someone who would do that… not because I think it’s somehow my job to uphold her vows…

There is nothing fair about love.

@Blondesjon True. The most unfair thing is that it is all a sham.

My one ex became too friendly with a girl he took to a concert then he decided to stay the night, whatever. I was looking at some eye candy but I wasn’t seriously looking for another boyfriend. So no I wouldn’t consider that fair at all since I was faithful and was merely looking. I would never want to be the other woman because I know how that feels and I would never put another person through that. If I’m with a guy I want to be his only girlfriend, I don’t care for sharing no matter what Barney says.(my little brother was watching it recently and it was about sharing toys) If I’m going to commit myself to a relationship I’d expect the same from my boyfriend and if he can’t do that then why would I continue to date him? And were I interested else where I would take care of ending the current relationship first before partaking in another.

my thoughts on it are “Never do a Prostitute out of a hard days work” This is in relationship to married men of course. I mean really some females flatters themselves that they are the “other more sexy woman” whereas in reality, they are no better than none paid whores. All is fair in Love if there are no kids involved. Because no one gives them a chance to fight back or have their say, and they become victims of whoever decided to break up their family unit.

I also think we are all responsible for our own actions, whether we stray or not. Because fundamentally there is a thing called trust. If this is sidelined so is respect alongside with it. My basic idea in life when I meet someone is “do no harm”.

I don’t mess around with taken men, because to me their very attention is an insult, for the reasons above. And no I don’t need therapy thank you very much!