What do you do when you are with someone who doesn't want marriage?

If his future plans don’t include you, maybe your future plans don’t need to include him.

There is no guarantee when it comes to the future. He can say he wants to marry you but it might never happen. He can say he doesn’t want to marry
and may end up doing so. Shit, you could both die tomorrow.

Why is planning your future so important to you? Why do you
want to sacrifice what you have now for something that might never be?

Live for now. Are you happy? Do you love eachother? Does
he treat you the way you want to be treated? If so, I don’t see any problem.

If you love him and he loves you, you might try giving him a bit of time. Seven months isn’t a lot of time to base the decision of who you want to be with for the rest of your life on. If you’re serious about getting serious, stick it out. Either it will work out and he’ll want to settle down or it won’t and you’ll go your separate ways. But seven months in is very early in a relationship. Very. Early.

I think 7 months is quite premature to be talking about marriage. From what you say, it sounds to me like he’s not saying he’s anti-marriage, he just doesn’t know if he wants it with you yet. And after just 7 months, I think that’s healthy and normal.

IMHO, you do need to ask him if he is opposed to the idea of marriage, or if he’s just not ready to commit to it with you yet.

Marriage can ruin peoples lives, simple as that.

I don’t plan to ever get married, married in America that is.

From what I’ve learned of men in realtionships with women is this:

If they want something then they go for it, they say what they want, they make the efforts. Marriage is a bad trip for a lot of people and every step of the way in a new relationship that’s positive often has little strings that twang and recall past experiences.

Are you sure he is not already married?

You have the rest of your life to decide to get married. Enjoy the time you have together now. If you really love him, then you can agree to meet in the middle on what you both want and need. Give him time. He might need a lot. But, give yourself a cut off. Say, after 3 years if he still doesn’t want the same things you want, you’ll have to either come to terms with that and be happy, or move on to be happy.

Not get married.

you give them a big fat ultimatum. and you stick to it.

I’ve been waiting 7 years to marry my girlfriend. She finally gave me permission to call her my fiance a few months ago. Still no date, still no plan. To tell you the truth, it doesn’t bother me much because I have no reason to doubt her complete commitment and fidelity.

I agree with @Likeradar in that seven months isn’t a very long time to be discussing marriage. I think you need to stay put for the time being- it sounds like you are still very invested in the relationship and are willing to give it more time to see if he’ll come around. When that’s not case anymore, and the love is truly no longer enough for you, that’s the time to walk away.

Propose to him. If he says no, then be on your way. Someone will say yes.

Wow you would jeopardize such a fine-sounding young relationship by making ultimata? What’s the rush?

You are really the only one who can answer this @broncosgirl. You have to decide how long you are willing to wait for this guy, and what you intend to do if after waiting a long time, he tells you he never wants to marry.

My own brother strung a very nice woman along for over eight years, and after all that time, he told her he did not intend to marry her. In fact he said he didn’t even love her. I told him he was an ass for doing that to her, but she never put her foot down with him. Do you want to end up like this woman? Do you feel like you could stay with him without being married, or would it be a waste of your time? 7 months isn’t really all that long, but if you want more from this relationship, and you don’t see it happening, why stick around?

You could be missing out on a chance to meet someone who is marriage minded. I can understand you’re wanting to wait to see what this guy wants to do, but don’t hang around too long. Set whatever time limit you want for yourself, and if nothing has happened by then, move on.

In the meantime, enjoy his company for what it is, without pressuring him or yourself. if you continue to do that, you will rob both of you of the joy, and you might as well leave him now. I wish you all the best, and hope you find what you are looking for.

thank you for all of your advice. I guess I am being premature about things. I dated a guy for six years and I just don’t want to end up in the same position again…dating someone for so long and not having it work out. We do have so much fun together, I just am excited about him. He says he doesn’t know if he will ever “need” someone. He is very content to be on his own all the time…and he says he is totally fine if that is how the rest of his life is. I do agree with some of the statements about enjoying our love now, and maybe it will not be a big deal…but I just am afraid of making the same mistake of staying with someone too long.

For the majority of couples, seven months dating is not long enough to be talking about getting married.

Have a good time and see where it goes. Seven months is a little soon for most guys to commit, and if he is so perfect then one day he will be ready. Just don’t rush him, and make sure all your decisions are mutual and you don’t start to develop an approach that is too individual.

He say’s he loves you and he says he wants to be with you. Surely that should be the most important thing at the moment?!

I have been in a relationship for over three years. I don’t plan to get married even though I love him more than anything in the world. Why? Because I don’t feel it’s necessary. We love each other and want to be together and that’s what matters. I try not to look too far into the future because, let’s be honest, no one knows what it holds.

Marriage is the type of thing that you should be 100% sure of before making plans to do so and after only seven months you can’t blame him for not commiting to that right now. He’s obviously comitted to you but not making promises that he doesn’t know he can keep just yet.

It could be worse, he could string you along by promising to marry you one day and never actually doing so. I know plenty of people who have experienced that.