How can you tell if someone is gay?

You can tell if someone is gay when they say they are. Otherwise, there’s no way to be sure.

If he knows you are interested in him, stop right there. If he wants to make a move, he will. If he is gay and trying to figure things out, it’s none of your business until he wants you to know. Don’t try to analyze the situation any further.

I’m sorry. That wasn’t right….

DOES this person do that?

The only way you can be sure is if you ask him, and he tells you the truth.

It’s horrible to be labeled, but it’s even more horrible to be labeled something that you’re not. Enjoy the person, stop trying to put him in a box. Why is “I’m not interested in you because I’m not interested in anybody” worse than “I’m not interested in you because I’m interested in Megan”?

I think @MacBean have a great point here. You can’t tell just by looking at someone, thank gawdness for that. If the person is gay and wants you to know about it for whatever reason, the person will let you know.

Is he just not interested or do you think he could be gay? Why does this matter? The outcome is the same anyway, neither one of those options gets you into a relation with him. Another option could be he values your current friendship pretty high, and doesn’t want to ruin that. Move one, and once he’ll figure it out I’m sure you’ll be one of the first to know (if you really are good friends). I hope you’re not asking this because you think you can ‘turn’ him.

Shit, they removed me. All I said was that you can tell from an occasional Boy George avatar – meaning mine. oish. @markyy back me up – so to speak?—

Track lighting.

I’m a little hesitant to ‘back you up’ in this context ;)

I got your back, markyy.

^^^ that’s how you tell someone is gay.

No, ^^^ Na, na na na, is how you tell if someone is gay. Look up there^^^^.

@NewZen Boy George means nothing, I have seen a straight man dress in drag and sing Prince.
One of my friends owns a farm (he is gay). Our idea of a good time is taking a case of schlitz on the river, or shooting pigeons.
The best way to know somebody’s sexual preference, is to know who they are sleeping with. I would just ask him, you are close. If he already knows how you feel, this seems like a logical next step.

Even if he is gay, if he’s not “out” to you it’s because he has decided for some reason not to be. I think it’s rude to pursue the issue.

I have the impression that you are both young… perhaps he hasn’t quite figured it out yet.

One of my friends since the first grade was well into his 20s before he came to terms with his sexuality. We were over 30 before he came out to me… and I was the first of his family and friends that he told. His family did not have any problem with it, and they are ad close as ever… so you never know until they tell you.

He knows about your crush on him, but chooses not to pursue a romantic relationship with you… regardless of his sexuality, you need to let go of that idea and cherish your friendship with him.

@Capt_Bloth So… are you?

ask him.
it’s that simple.

I just did @Simone_De_Beauvoir – we must’ve been writing together. How are you et baby today?

@NewZen On the Kinsey scale I would say I probably be about a 3. I have kissed boys before, nothing more. That is not to say that I wouldn’t, I just haven’t met someone that I am really attracted to.That being said; I find many girls very attractive, and would be perfectly happy sleeping with them for the rest of my life.

How can you tell if someone is gay? No-one said Gaydar???!!!

@hearkat GA! I agree with the others here. He may want a friendship with you, and nothing more, since he knows you like him and hasn’t acted on it. Maybe he is just shy. Whatever the reason, you should give him some space and let him decide what he wants to do about your relationship with you. Don’t ask him if he is gay. If he is and he wants you to know, he will tell you.

@NewZen They tried to develop gaydar, but it emitted a high pitch frequency that drove squirrels nuts. (no pun intended)
It was on the daily show many, many years ago. I will post a link if I can find one.

@Capt_Bloth Try thedailyshow.com don’t just go immediatly to youtube.

@NewZen why are you newzen now?

The best way to know somebody’s sexual preference, is to know who they are sleeping with.

Not really. That only tells you who they are sleeping with, not who they would sleep with.

Being gay is no more odd or unusual than having blue eyes rather than brown, so why ever would you be able to tell? Also thats very personal, I’m sure if your friend is gay, and if he wants you to know, then he’ll tell you. Or maybe he just isn’t interested in having a relationship at all just yet? I remember one of our neighbours, many many moons ago (childhood home) saying i must be a lesbian because I didn’t have a boyfriend. I was 17 at the time and three girls in our street were pregnant at the time. One of these girls was this neighbour’s daughter, so maybe she was trying to deflect? doesn’t matter.

We live in a society that forces youngsters to grow up far, far too fast. I suppose there was an element of that when I was younger too, but not to the degree there is now. Teens are told, often it seems to me by the media, they are odd or weird if not having sex, often by their peer group, classmates etc. News for you, the girls in my class who made the biggest noise about what they got up to, never did it at all. I would imagine its the same with guys?

Looking back, as a woman in her 40’s I am so glad that I waited till I was ready and not a minute before. I’m also glad that I married a man who loved me enough not to mind waiting.

As I said sweetheart, maybe your friend just isn’t ready for any relationship yet or hasn’t met the right person but don’t try to label him, or push him into something he doesn’t want. Maybe he just loves you as a friend? Friendships that close don’t happen all that often, and they should be treasured when they do. hugs xx

@bunnygrl You are a lovely bunny.

@NewZen thank you <hugs> you just made me smile and its not been a good day, so thank you so much, you are a lovely person <hugs>

1) Does he have a little yappy dog?
2) Does he enjoy music from groups such as Green Day and My Chemical Romance?
3) Is he extremely well-groomed?
4) What kind of porn does he have on his computer?
5) What do his myspace and facebook pages say his orientation are?

I think those questions can point you in the right direction..

He could just not be interested in you, or he could be gay. However, as said before, that is none of your business. I hope you haven’t asked his friends about this, because it may start talk or even a rumor. And if he is straight, dealing with his friends bringing it up or hearing that people were talking about it will piss him off or annoy him. If he is in fact gay then it may push him farther away from coming out, if it is something he is uncomfortable with or trying to hide. And it could be worse if he finds out the talk was coming from you, someone he trusts. If he is gay he will tell you. Frankly, from the information you gave us he sounds like he could be a player, who is just not interested in you.

@Capt_Bloth Are you feeling ok? You’re talking to yourself! You said : @Capt_Bloth Try thedailyshow.com don’t just go immediatly to youtube.

@scamp I also need my coffee, but what’s wrong with an @yourself now and again? ; )

@Capt_Bloth not a thing! I’ve been known to do it myself from time to time. Have you ever tried adding yourself to your own fluther? The result is pretty funny!

@scamp yes, clever.

You know how I know you’re gay? Because you like having sex with men.

Surprised nobody else has used this line here yet.

@Mamradpivo It’s not gay unless you give them a reach around.

If he listens to Coldplay, drives a Subaru, and has a rainbow sticker on his window… maybe.
Don’t discount the possiblity that he is transgender. It sounds like that to me.

He’s not interested in you.
Just because he doesn’t want a relationship with you doesn’t mean he’s gay and for Pete’s sake don’t start asking all your friends if he’s gay. Rumors will make his life very difficult.

Girls who imagine that the only reason a guy might not be interested in them is that he is gay need to remember that people have different tastes, interests, and chemistry. What if every guy who didn’t turn you on came here (or went to your friends) asking if you were lesbian?

Your real question is “Why isn’t he interested in me?” Darlin’, we don’t know.

P.S. We have seen a lot of questions over time from guys who were interested in their female friends but didn’t want to make a move for fear of ruining the friendship—which it could—and losing their best friends. If you really are close friends, you might try that explanation on and see if it seems to fit.

@filmfann Two out of three – including the Subaru.

@NewZen You don’t like Coldplay?

@NewZen I was 2 out of 3 as well. I miss my 82 Subaru Hatchback. Best car ever made. And my gf had TWO rainbow stickers on her car.

Who cares, if he likes you it will happen if it doesn’t move along..

If they tell you.

Or, I suppose if you catch them staring longingly at a member of the same gender. but that could be any number of things, and therefore not a good way to make conclusions.

It doesn’t matter if he is gay or not, only if he is interested in you. Ask him out.

@filmfann Does that make her straight..? The double rainbows I mean.

1) He may not know himself. 2) If you guys are soo close, he would probably tell you. 3) The ruining the friendship thing. 4) Do you know that he hasn’t had a long term relationship and it blew up? Guys can be wary of long term relationships after a bad one too.

I had a crush on my close guy friend in high school. He knew it (because it was obvious but also because my friends told him) but never approached it because he wanted it to go away and hoped not saying anything would do that. (He told me later when I was finally dating someone). Really I think you should ask your guy, but ask him “Why aren’t we dating?” instead of the “Are you gay?” If he is gay and you guys are close, he’ll probably tell you.

I am not saying all gay people do this, but, maybe lithping?

Female: are they two women in a Subaru?

Male: are they two men in a Miata?

Women: get over yourself: I’m not gay, I’m just not into you.

I disagree with the idea that there are not subtle clues that one can pick-up on (often called gaydar) that can be used to speculate if someone is gay. I even read this thing that listed 10 markers, if used by people who are sensitive to subtle clues, that helped people predict someone’s sexuality (men only) almost every time.

Anyway, the only sure way to know if someone is gay is if the person outright declares “I’m gay”.

At this point, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Just be his friend. If those little moments where you both want to demonstrate some inner feelings don’t happen, then the worst thing that happens is you gain a friend.

And don’t be coy and wait around. Go out there and find someone who likes you the way you like him, and treats you like you want to be treated.

I knew I’d get massive response to this question. Lol, take it easy people :)

No I do not think every guy who doesn’t like me must be gay. But his behaviour kind of confuses me.

By reputation only. There is no other way to prove homosexuality unless your society is even more unbuttoned than I thought. (Abraham Lincoln once said that reputation is only the shadow, character is the real thing.) BTW, this is not quite on point but it may be interesting. My brother and his wife visited last Christmas and during a conversation we told them about a jazz concert held in Tobago. Two of the performers were Elton John and Rod Stewart. The pulpits of Tobago resounded with the denunciations of Elton John because of the fear that his example might be contagious. My sister in law observed, “They object to Elton John and not to Rod Stewart?”

@bea2345 this is a great post on so many levels, Lurve.

It doesn’t matter if he is or is not…it is what you do know: He is not interested in an intimate relationship with you, right now. That’s what is really on your mind, right?

I had girl friends in High School that I probably could have had sex with, but I was just too shy.

“Are you gay?”

“Yes/No”

usually is a good indicator.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 I have a friend who had all the signs of gay that I posted above (such as a small yappy dog, weird music taste, and well-groomed) but refused to admit that he was gay until about half a year ago.

I remember reading a response that fits your question.
A man was asking how to tell if his son was gay. The response was something like this:

You make a clay volcano. You add vinegar and baking soda to it.
While it is erupting, if he is sucking a dick, he is gay.

@filmfann lol4rl. For real!

@tinyfaery I have excellent gaydar, but I would never rely on it, you know? I still think the only way to know for sure is if someone tells you they are gay.

I have excellent gaydar for gay men, but not so much with gay women, unless they are very masculine, but the lipstick lesbians fool me quite often.

I read this and could not help but laugh at a response someone had posted on Yahoo answers (a friend posted it on Tumblr). The question was basically a woman trying to find out if her son was gay and what she could do to find out. (Original question here . The woman actualy asked how she could “test” to see if her son was gay).

The answer was as follows:
“There’s a really simple test you can do at home. Get some vinegar, get some baking soda. Then make a big clay volcano. Then while this is erupting, if your son is too busy sucking a dick, he’s gay.”

I think that’s a pretty definitive answer.
P.S. I know it’s mean but i laughed my ass off at the smart-ass remark to an ignorant question

@Dr_C: Scroll up 4 posts to @filmfann‘s comment… but I like the way you told it better… :-D

LULz to @Dr_C

if you know someone who is gay which means you are gay, unless they are coming out of closet, so don’t try to fighre it out, until he is gonna to tell you the truth. lol

…What?

Make a statement or observation you know the individual in question will disagree with. If the person accuses you of homophobia they’re gay.

@proXXi Um, no. I’m not gay, but would be very likely to accuse someone of homophobia.

Homophobia is a grossly overused term.

It’s supposed to mean one that fears homosexuals.

I’d guess 9 times out of 10 it’s just used to describe one that doesn’t latch on to the homosexual agenda.

Alert: I will not be entertaining any gay marriage arguments in this thread, though my position on the matter is not what you’d assume based on my statement above.

Or people who fear their own homes….

LuLz @PretentiousArtist, Lurve.

I haven’t received any agenda.

Did I miss the meeting?

the most common way of telling on a guy is femenin acting, or on a woman, manish acting. Sometimes you may catch them lookin at the same sex. Just watch em and see who they look at the most when people walk around.

I suspect this is the only time this will ever happen, but I agree with @proXXi. The word “homophobia” is overused. A lot of the time, what people mean is “heterosexist” (which is really no better).

Wikipedia sez:

Homophobia (from Greek homós: one and the same; phóbos: fear, phobia) is defined as an “irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals”, or individuals perceived to be homosexual; it is also defined as “unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality”, “fear of or contempt for lesbians and gay men”, as well as “behavior based on such a feeling”.

Heterosexism is a term that applies to negative attitudes, bias, and discrimination in favor of opposite-sex sexuality and relationships. It can include the presumption that everyone is heterosexual or that opposite-sex attractions and relationships are the norm and therefore superior.

Only time you’ll agree with me @MacBean? give yourself more credit than that, I do.

@proXXi @MacBean I think the assumption is that one is against homosexuality/homosexuals because they are afraid of it/them. Whether that is acknowledged (or even known) by the individual or not, the fear of ‘otherness’ is often what causes the discrimination. In that sense, I don’t think it’s a misuse of the word.

@augustlan—Yeah, that’s the assumption, but I think often it’s wrong. For example, when someone won’t be around gay people because they think they’re going to catch it, that’s fear and I’d call it homophobia. But when someone protests gay marriage because it would ruin the institution, that’s superiority and I’d call it heterosexism. When I’m deciding which term to use, I think to myself, “Is this person thinking of me like I’m a serial killer, or like I’m a dog?”

Really, we could toss both terms, lump them together as homomisia and just be done with it. But I’m a fan of semantics and I like having lots of words to choose from, so…

There is no way to be certain. But speaking as a gay man who could give less of a crap if his shirt matches his pants, stereotypes are not always correct.

But they usually are. :)

Either way, his sexuality seems irrelevant. To put it lightly, I would adopt the “He’s just not that into you mindset.” If he knows you like him, he will make a move..if not he won’t (for whatever reasons). Sorry!

Also, whatever you do..don’t ask him. If he is gay and in the closet odds are it will make him very very uncomfortable. Let him come to you.

@alaska45 welcome to fluther. Lurve.

I wish I had asked my brother-in-law if he was gay, so he could have simply replied “yes.” It was so obvious, most of my relatives picked up at first meeting, I asked my husband if he thought his brpther was gay, and he just replied, “we probably won’t know while my father is alive.” I met my brother-in-law when he was 30 years old. One time I asked his sister if she though he was gay, and her reply was, “I would never ask, because I would not want to offend him,” ugh. Offend? Crap. It seemed ok to ask her, because she had a friend who was gay. I felt very unsure about whether it is ok to just ask, because sometimes my husband’s family reacts in a way I never expect. Where I am from and where I worked we would just ask people and it was no big deal. I had given him my little clues I knew to my brother-in-law without saying it outright. FInally, at the age of 38 more or less he took me to dinner and told me. He was freaked…very nervous, teared up. I could not help thinking I could have made it easier on him this whole time if I had just asked him. I reassured him he could tell his brother, my husband, and he did a week or so later.

I personally am a passive gay. Some guys flaunt it. Some guys tell everyone. Me? I will tell anyone that asks. My philosophy is… I wouldn’t feel the need to simply tell people I was straight. Most wouldn’t know because I don’t fit the stereotype. I also hate spending money on clothes. Which is probably why I am single. :)

I have a very best friend. He is in his early 50’s. He has never married. I have known him for 25 years. He dated and dated and dated through his 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s. Once, he was juggling three women. Then as the 40’s dragged on, he just gradually stopped dating. He just gave up. Got tired. Started painting (along with his regular job) and started questioning life. It wasn’t that he wanted to be single, but he just got tired of the games, the posturing, the “crazies” that wanted to marry him after two dates or the women who had lists of “wants” he couldn’t fulfill anyway.

A few weeks ago, he met a woman at a gallery. She glommed on to him. Talked about marriage. She began quizzing him, “Why are you still single? Why have you never married? Are you gay?” I can attest to the fact that this man is not gay. He just never felt a connection to anyone to marry them and honestly, a lot of the women he has dated were a little scary. He was really offended by the rat-a-tat approach of this woman, he was also a bit insulted. They didn’t go out again (thankfully.)

My friend wants a woman that maybe also wants what he wants…some intimacy, some companionship…but still maintain independence.

Basically, if a man does not want to kiss you….he is not gay. He might just not be into you….or maybe he is working on deeper issues than just finding a woman.

You cannot always tell….if a man is gay. You have to ask….and if you are friends….you can ask….gracefully and gently.

ASK HIM. But he could be in the closet…so tell him that you don’t care if he is.

have you tried asking him? if you haven’t, do! just be accepting, don’t be judgmental about it, and don’t be accusing. and if he denies it, then he probably isn’t gay. and if he is, then he probably isn’t ready to tell you or anyone yet…