Is depression from losing someone the same as any other depression?

Emotions shouldn’t be categorized by words and meanings because each emotion is different and alike in many ways.

And I think people experience these things differently. In my experience depression is on a spectrum with different levels of depth that can be affected by our environment, state of mind, diet, and overall health.

It depends. I have experienced both depression from breaking up with someone, someone dying, and clinical depression from seemingly nothing. For me, it was unexpected when the break up happened and when someone close to me died, so it was extremely painful and debilitating. I couldn’t eat, sleep, function like a normal person. It consumed my every thought, and I wanted to cry all the time. It was acute, and there were waves of it as time went by. It was different when I was depressed for seemingly “no reason”. I wasn’t debilitated, it was a way of existing. I didn’t have interest in things, I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t unable to function like when I broke up with someone or someone died. I think it is probably different for everyone. I know people go through much worse depression than I have, so it just depends on your own experience.

To me, I categorize those feelings that have an external reason as normal sadness. A natural part of grief, that will end (or at least lessen) with time. When I suffer from clinical depression, it’s in no way normal, and without medication (in my case) has no end in sight.

There is a difference between situational depression and clinical depression. Situational depression can become clinical depression but does not have to do so. It is different because it is often of shorter duration and it is caused by a clear external factor. Because the cause is a clear external factor something like therapy can be much more effective for situational depression than clinical depression. Having said that the feelings are often much the same and both types of depression should be watched closely by a medical or mental health professional.

Now situational depression as I discuss it refers to large life-affecting situations. It does not refer to feeling depressed after getting a bad grade for example. This is a normal reaction but often does not need mental health care.

About your other questions:

Is it different when you break up with a lover than when someone you care about dies? ABSOLUTELY! Gosh that’d take me a year to write about. Grief itself, from death, often comes in many forms. For example if someone dies expectantly vs. unexpectedly.

Do you think that knowing where the depression comes from makes a difference in how it feels?
Yes there is a difference here as well. Some depression feelings are the same across the board but there can be a difference in how it is dealt with. People are often more able to cope with depression that has a clear cause. Also it is more treatable since you know the cause. Some depression feelings are the same across the board but there can be a difference in how it is dealt with.

When my band leader died, it was sharp, sudden grief. I cried and cried, but within a few days, I had some distance from it. The first time I ever broke up with someone, I was severely depressed for months, and depressed for a couple of years. When I got clinically depressed—there was no reason at all for it, and who knows how long it would have lasted without medication? On the other hand, maybe my depression after breaking up with my first lover would have lifted sooner with medications. In those days, though, there weren’t many meds to try. If any.

Now, when situational depressors happen, it’s hard to separate them from other causes of depression. Am I feeling what I would feel if I weren’t bipolar? Is it worse because I am bipolar? Will it only get worse? Can I stop it by changing my meds? Does my experience help me cope better?

I think that if it were just clinical depression (just!?!), it would be easier to cope with. A loss, though, is harder, because there’s nothing I can do about it. I just have to hope it’ll get better with time.

I can completely tell the difference from normal depression and when I’m having an episode of depression. They feel different, in a way that is hard to explain – even if I’m only mildly depressed it’s still different from normal sadness. That’s how it is for me. And while situational depression can trigger clinical depression for me, the reason why is soon lost. Mayybe this is usual and maybe it isn’t, but my clinical depression is clearly defined for me.

Which of course isn’t to say regular depression can’t be horrible. Being depressed over something you can’t fix is extremely frustrating. And of course in the realm of “normal” depression it feels different based on why. Being depressed because affording grad school is looking nearly impossible is different than being depressed when my first real boyfriend broke up with me which was different than being depressed because my last grandparent died which was diffferent from being depressed because of family strain, and on and on and on.

There is definitely a difference between losing someone to death as compared to breaking up. When someone close to you dies, although you eventually get over it, I find that there is still a part of me that does not get completely over the loss. It is something that I carry with me.

And as a sufferer of depression, I can say that it makes a big difference knowing what the cause is. It is very frustrating to have mood swings without knowing why. Like you, I have tried CBT, but find it ineffective because CBT assumes knowledge of the causes of depression.

This is what I have found from my own experience (from age 7 – 24) and research: The brain is a network of neurons. Those connections between neurons are like muscles, the more they are used the stronger they get. The more you are thinking depressing thoughts the more you apt to do so in the future. 2 quotes that really helped me are: “Stand porter at the door of thought”, and the second is the reason to do so, “Your input becomes you thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, and your habits become your character” (adaptation from a Gandhi quote). So when ever you are feeling depressed or are experiencing depressing thoughts go do something you like and be around people that are your friends. Do anything to help stop it, you can get better and “this too will pass”

My first depression as a teen I believe stemmed from feeling lonely. I did not recognize this at the time. I wasn’t fitting in with my friends anymore, and had not found a new niche for myself. It was an incidious depression and I felt out of control because I could not peg where my sadness and lack of zeal for life came from.

My next big bout of depression was a break up with a long time boyfriend. I should say I was diagnosed with depression, but most annoying to me was the intense anxiety. I had never experienced anxiety like that, and to this day I would much rather be severly depressed than anxious. This was intense for almost 6 months, I was out of control, couldn’t eat, dry heaves in the morning, I would start shaking for no reason. I felt like a limb had been physically taken from me and I wished he would be hit by a bus to help me get over it. It’s like if you miss someone, but they are still out there, it is almost more difficult than the finality and reality of death.

No one close to me who I interacted with daily has died yet. Not sure how I will be. I think if my husband died I would be inconsolable for a long time. I’m sure I would be depressed, but mostly I feel I would be incredibly sad and lonely for a very long time.

While I agree that breaking up with someone and losing someone through death are very different emotionally, I think they affect you similarly. They are both clear cut “this is what’s bothering me” and you have to find a way to make peace with it. How long it takes you to come to that peace affects the extent of your grief.
With clinical depression, I would imagine it’s so much harder to get over because there is no definitive cause, nothing to “fix”, and no peace to be had. Or at least you don’t see them.

Situational depression and clinical depression are different animals.

In my memory, breaking up with a boyfriend was sad, and hurtful, but not really devastating, because there was not as much of my life invested in it. The loss of two spouses in a ten year period was a completely different thing. The first was a car accident, and therefore totally unexpected. I was a complete zombie for nearly a year. The second was pancreatic cancer that was supposed to linger for up to a year, but took only three months. I lived in a fog for another year following that one.

I had the support of my family, and a child to be there for, so it wasn’t as bad for me as it might be for some. I also used the professional services of a psychologist both times, and that helped a lot.