Can you do the right thing when it kills you to do it?

I would do what I feel is right. Wouldn’t do something even if it was good if I didn’t feel like it.

Yes. Though it can end up really being a way to create resentment for the other person and developing a victim story I didn’t realize I had until recently. Led to depression, etc. Bad stuff. Depends though on whether it is an authentic choice or not. When the benefit is great and I really care, it can be a privilege to contribute to others and then it doesn’t really occur for me as a sacrifice – it’s what I actually want to do although outside people might think it looks like a sacrifice.

In being a parent, one must often put their child’s edds and wants before their own.

I have also had to put my son and my needs before the men in my life – first when I told my alcoholic ex-husband (my son’s father) to move out; and again with the man who lived with us for several years and was a step-father to my son. I loved those men very much, as did my son; and they loved each of us too… but the relationships were unhealthy and taking a toll on both my son and me.

Ultimately, I have found that doing the right thing brings you peace-of-mind sooner than if you just delay the inevitable.

It’s a balancing act. I have done the right thing for other’s benefit to my detriment. I’ve also done the right thing for myself, to other’s detriment. How much does it hurt those you love versus you? Is it a life-changing decision? These things all have to be weighed. Sadly, there is no easy answer.

We’ll see. I haven’t actually died yet.

Yes, I would rather hurt myself than intentionally hurt someone I care about.
The one man I loved, I lied and told him I didn’t love him so that I wouldn’t hurt my friend who was dating him at the time. I was miserable for three years after that, knowing that I could have found happiness if I hadn’t cared so much about my friend’s happiness.

I had to do both concerning the same situation. I was supporting a good majority of my girlfriend’s family’s financial needs with my own money even though I knew that I needed this money for college. Then I had to turn around and leave devoting my time and resources to college. I’m now about $20,000 in debt and finishing my final year here. I felt at the time that it was important to help them even though I wanted to be happy and debt free coming out of college. Then I had to stop providing for them and leave for college even though I felt that they needed my help. Both decisions were very hard for me and both required weighing initial suffering with happiness down the line.

In the very end you still have yourself. I think I’m trying to say that no matter what happens throughout your life, you still answer to yourself. You are the one who suffers the consequences of what you may or may not do, and you are the only person who will definitely be with YOU indefinitely. I think self happiness is most important, and if it hurts you to do something, perhaps you’d find better enlightenment in just being a bit selfish.

Yes, but I am pissy and whiny while I’m doing it.

but only to draw attention to the fact that I am doing it. my neediness is very complex.

Yes, I’ve put aside what would make me happy in order to put family as a priority. I gave up my independence in order to buy a house and move into it with my mother, you can only imagine what my social life is not. Another example is trying to keep my physical affection wants in check when a partner isn’t well, knowing they won’t say no to me but also knowing they need personal time. My selfishness overcomes my reason and good intent many times but I keep trying to be a better me in order to respect my loved ones.

Yes, sometimes to help total strangers, and it blows but it is right. I have an overdeveloped sense of ethical values, right and wrong sometimes.