Do you tell your shrink everything, or do you save some for fluther?

I have a strong dislike for seeing psychologists. Or even therapists. I was forced to go when I was a kid, and it left a bad taste in my mouth… I prefer to bottle all my emotions. :D

I keep it to myself….sometime to a journal.

Never been to a therapist or a psychologist. Never found that I needed to. As of now, if I have a problem of some sort, I do find sites like this helpful and I do find talking to friends and family helpful as well.

Of course, there are times when Fluther causes bad feelings…hasn’t happened in a while, though. I’m glad. :)

People like my boyfriend…I tell everything to him and he does too (as far as I know). There is nothing hidden. It’s excellent. It gives a whole different feeling around him.

Fluther is my shrink.

This is slightly oblique to your question, but I’ve never felt right about paying someone to be what I truly feel amounts to a friend. Therapy advocates retort by saying that “a therapist/shrink will always listen to you, whereas a friend might get sick of the negativity.”

Let me tell you, therapists/shrinks get sick of the negativity, too. They just might not say it to your face, due to professional standards. The point is, they are human beings, and human beings have a certain capacity for negativity.

If you are seeing a therapist, I think the only way to remain productive is to curb your negativity and actually build a relationship with them to the extent that you can actually learn from their expertise and training. They are not paid negativity receptacles. Neither are your friends. On the other hand, friends still have a capacity for handling negativity, provided it’s focused towards an actionable solution as opposed to a continual woe-session where you always have to have the last wo(e)rd.

I’ve just always felt it was cheaper and better to have more friends, build relationships with them instead of stranger health professionals, and eclipse my so-called problems by losing myself in the shared enjoyment of an activity or deep thinking session. Those I know who see/have seen shrinks/therapists seem to lose entire years “retraining their brains” only to realize afterward they are actually more unprepared to take on life on their own because they were just “venting” the whole time and lacked the initiative to truly implement the therapeutic devices their therapists gave them.

I’ve never felt the need to go to a therapist because I’ve always found that, when I feel the need to talk to someone, I have someone to talk to. If that doesn’t work, or isn’t an option, I have had no trouble working through my own thoughts via writing or thinking. If a situation in which I didn’t find solace or didn’t find an answer through those methods arose, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing a therapist, thogh.

I love my therapist, she is awesome and I wish she could follow me around all day. I’m generally pretty open with her. I mean, if I can’t confess something to my therapist, why bother going? However, I just realized over the past couple of days that there’s a particular subject I haven’t talked about.. nothing bad or that would get in the way of therapy, but in a way important to who I am. It’s just awkward/embarrassing and I’m not really sure if I could ever bring it up.

As well, I used to tell my phsycolgist almost everything. Till they changed me to another one! And I don’t really know this lady, so I won’t be telling her anything I told the other one. I sometimes blog about those things, or talk to my best friend about it, but other than that no.

I always kept secrets from my therapist, realizing this defeated the purpose. Couldn’t change her at that point, and didn’t want to start with someone anew. Left it at that.

As you can probably tell – it was a mistake; I now use fluther for therapy. ;-)

The only time that I have had a “shrink” was in the final stages of my psych degree – it was mandatory. I didn’t regard her as someone who I would open up to, nor was I impressed with her skills so it was all rather awkward. Once I had managed to meet the requirements I opted out. I am not the sort of person who will discuss anything of an intense nature with anyone who I do not respect – both personally and professionally. I do have people, friends, who are both qualified and certified as well as Priests who I can and will chat to if I feel the need.

@DarkScribe: What degree was that for, and do you know if that’s mandatory for all pscyh degree candidates? I’m in my 2nd of 5 years of school, and I’m a psych major (although I am getting two degrees, and my area of focus thus far has been on my other major). I haven’t heard of that as a practice before, and I’m just wondering if it’s typical.

@DarkScribe I am not Christian, so I am curious: A Priest is a religious figure; a shrink is a scientist. Would you consult in them, or confide in them in the exact same way? Would you not feel awkward (for lack of a better word) when confiding in a Priest about matters sexual? Just curious.

@TitsMcGhee _What degree was that for, and do you know if that’s mandatory for all pscyh degree candidates? _

????

Did you read my first line?

I also took psych as a minor several times (I have several degree under & grad) and then as a major fifteen years later. I was lazy and so kept going over easy ground.

@NewZen A Priest is a religious figure; a shrink is a scientist. Would you consult in them, or confide in them in the exact same way?

Certainly – why not? I am not concerned with their career or vocation, just their character and intellect. They are friends – close friends. I am not a Christian either so it makes for some interesting dinner chat. (My priest friends call me a Christian atheist.)

@DarkScribe The latter part of my question interests me more, e.g. I would feel awkward and embarrassed (nee, couldn’t even imagine it) talking about anything sexual with a Rabbi – because I am not religious. That’s just me.

@NewZen The latter part of my question interests me more

No, not at all. Priests tell the best dirty jokes,

Notice, I’ve been very careful when mentioning Priests, lol. Well, I know a few Rabbi jokes too. But do you understand what I mean, all kidding aside?

I have been in therapy a few times, and have found that you get out of it what you put into it. That said, it’s been several years since the last time I did any therapy, and now I am my own therapist. I can’t imagine ever needing it again, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it should I find myself overwhelmed by life in the future.

@hearkat…now I am my own therapist- Is that like someone representing themselves as their own lawyer? Usually not a good idea. Just saying

@NewZen

I don’t think it’s the same. A person doesn’t need another person to solve their issues and I think it’s fine if a person wants to do it on their own. More power to them. I would hope that it works out for them.

I talk to my best friend (who also happens to be my boyfriend) but he doesn’t get it. I’d like to talk with a therapist on a regular basis.

@NewZen: With all the classes (Psych minor), workshops, self-help books, videos/TV programs, and actual therapy sessions I have attended, there is little that I have encountered that was a true epiphany to me. Most of the time it has just served to confirm that my theories and ideas have been on point. Even when in therapy, the counselor is only a guide – the patient ultimately must do all the ‘legwork’.

@DarkScribe: Yes, actually, I did read the first line of your post, and I was just asking for some clarification. Which psych degree was it, BA, MA or PhD, and do you know if it’s mandatory across all educational institutions, or was it just something that your school did? It was really unnecessary to be that rude about it. I was just asking a question. Chill out, jeez.

@DominicX Normally, I try not to respond to you, but as you’ve been fairly decent and intelligent in fluther, and grown quite a bit in the last year – I’ll just say this (and please, no lectures about ageism): you are still very young – and your perspective on the benefits of long-term therapy are either speculative, or from reading – not first-hand. You said: A person doesn’t need another person to solve their issues and I think it’s fine if a person wants to do it on their own What if the person has really serious issues (do you think they’d be mentioning it in a fluther thread?) and what if for some reason they’d listen to your words of encouragement – someone who is mentally ill, was abused or hurt, e.g. Think before you shout something back – it’s not wis.dm.

@NewZen

Patronizing ageist comments aside (I can see you haven’t changed at all), there was no indication about “serious problems” in anything that was said here about solving problems on their own. I’ve never been to a therapist and I haven’t been problem-free my entire life. So obviously I either did it on my own or by talking to someone who was not a therapist or a psychologist. Plenty of people solve problems just by discussing them with friends and family. No one said anything about mental illness or abuse. If you want to discuss something, you have to be specific, which you aren’t being at all.

Everyone is different. Some people can solve things on their own. You seem to be indicating that I said “no one should ever see a therapist because everyone can solve it on their own”. That’s not what I said at all.

I think it would be best if we just don’t talk to each other. I really don’t like you and you don’t seem to indicate that you want to get along with me at all. So let’s just stop the crap.

@TitsMcGhee _Yes, actually, I did read the first line of your post, and I was just asking for some clarification. _

Sure no problem, I don’t need to chill, I am not overheated or agitated in any way.

Your response didn’t read that way. A Phd following a BSc. This was over a period of twenty-five years.

@NewZen: I have had really serious issues. I was psychologically and sexually abused in early childhood, in addition to a family history of depression. I had chronic depressions with episodes of acute depression and suicidal thoughts and one attempt. I have been in therapy and pharmacological treatment and alternative therapies. I nearly volunteered for a study of the effects of MRI magnetism on chronic depression, because nothing seemed to work.

I have discussed these things on Fluther and Yahoo! Answers and other web forums. I have been contacted and made friendships with people who were also abused, and look to me for advice and encouragement (which nearly always includes – seek out counseling and a link for NAMI.org and/or RAINN.org).

When I say that I am my own therapist, I mean that it works for me in this stage of my life. Through my prior therapy sessions and independent studies and work, I have gotten to know myself very well. In addition, I have always been pretty intuitive in terms of reading people as well as myself. I can only hope that most people can reach the point where they are their own therapist and their own best friend within their lifetime. But sadly, it doesn’t appear to happen often.

If you’ll notice, I have avoided your questions completely. You’ve been in mine consistently. Strange, since you so openly say something as offensive as that. In wis.dm, you would have sworn like a potty mouthed truck driver, and here you cannot. But that’s 17 – I know, I have a couple of kids your age – and thank god they aren’t like you – but I hear their friends talking that way sometimes.

To avoid me, simply stay away from my questions, and go do your homework.

@DarkScribe: Was that just something that your school did, or is that typical of psychology programs?

@DominicX Seeing as you don’t go to a therapist because someone steals your lunch money, but for serious things like mental illness or abuse, why would we be talking about the former? That makes no sense.

{{{hearkat}}} You are a courageous soul, and a far better person than I. More power to you. (I was not being judgemental – I think I lacked information).

@hearkat When I say that I am my own therapist, I mean that it works for me in this stage of my life

Self understanding and awareness is not therapy. What you are doing is probably fine unless you really do need therapy. Even Psychiatrists and Psychologists use others for therapy.

@Facade

What if it’s an issue of feeling like your life is going nowhere? What if it’s an issue of how to deal with your sexuality? What if it’s an issue about body image? What if it’s a relationship issue? These are not necessarily mental illness and abuse, but they’re not “stealing lunch money” either. Stop thinking in extremes.

I had no problems with this question until people started judging people for not seeing therapists and psychologists. When I said “a person does not need”, I didn’t mean “no person ever needs”, I mean “not every person needs”. I can see how it would be misinterpreted, however. The word “necessarily” would have been good there.

@NewZen

This is probably the first time I have ever replied to you. Which didn’t work, obviously. I do tend to ignore you for my benefit. But I can answer any question I wish without addressing the questioner. I’m surprise you didn’t pull a Holocaust reference or some of your usual pretentious pity crap. You’re growing up, my friend. Bravo. I just thank the Lord every night that my parents were not one bit like you, which is why I am actually going somewhere in life.

@DominicX Whatever

@DarkScribe: This is true. I guess the point is that I am fairly well grounded at the moment, and when I face serious adversity in my life, such as issues with my son and his own mental health, I find that I am able to work through them independently and process it in the moment. I know many for whom the events I’ve been through in the past year would have had them begging for Xanax.

As I said in my initial reply to this question, (which is phrased in the present tense about whether we tell everything to our therapist), I would not be opposed to seeking therapy again in the future, should I find myself slipping back into a state where I was unable to handle the stresses of my life. I also made the point that a person gets out of the therapy experience what they put into it; by which my intention is to encourage those that are in therapy to fully commit themselves to it, as it will only be to their own benefit.

.

@NewZen: Thank you. I would not say that I am “better” than you, because I don’t like passing judgement. Life contains many challenges which we all must deal with in our own way. I do not hold anything against those who are not yet comfortable talking openly about the traumas that may have been inflicted upon them. I was silent for far too many years. I have mentioned my past so many times on Fluther, I guess I assume that everyone, especially those that have been around a while, have heard it ad nauseum.

In fact, the reason I started talking openly was because a young teenage girl wrote on Yahoo! Answers about being date raped, and having previously been fondled by her cousins. I couldn’t let this poor child feel so alone in the world. I chose to offer her what I wish someone could have offered me: a truly understanding ear. (I haven’t heard from her in a while, since shortly after her father died… I think I’ll go check up on her. Thanks for unknowingly bringing this to my attention.)

In retrospect, I see how helping her was a turning point in my own journey from self-loathing to well-being. It was almost like talking to myself as a child, and truly realizing that I had been victimized and I hadn’t done anything wrong. What was I ashamed about? Because some dirtbag relative used me and treated me like trash? And why did I continue, decades later, to allow myself and others to treat me that way? And I continued from there…

.

@DominicX: I find it rather sad that you are the exception rather than the rule in our society, and that some consider it odd for people to not be in therapy. (And actually, there are kids that do need therapy because someone stole their lunch money – bullying is a pretty serious problem these days). I do sense, though, that you realize your good fortune with both the nature and nurture into which you were born. In some ways I envy you, in other ways, I wish that I could have offered the same to my son, who is your age. But I do not begrudge you in any way. I appreciate your perspective and contributions to Fluther.

I like @Zen,/NewZen too. I’m sorry to see that you two have a contentious history.
: (

@hearkat

Thank you. And I do see that I think people misunderstood my comment to mean that no one ever needs therapy, when what I really meant was that not everyone needs it. Different people have different needs and some are able to sort out their problems on their own or by talking to friends and family without the usage of therapy.

I don’t think anyone should ever think it odd if someone isn’t in therapy. If someone wants to be, fine, good for them, and I hope it helps them. But if someone is doing fine without it; if someone is able to solve problems without it, then more power to them, as I said before. I stand by that statement.

It’s not like I’ve never had problems; when I first started realizing I was gay, I didn’t know how I could live in this world being gay and that I would need to hide it forever and pretend to be straight. This kind of thinking really distressed me and I didn’t know what to do. I was so embarrassed of begin gay that there was no way in my mind that I was going to tell my friends or family. I didn’t even realize at the time that I didn’t have to think like that. Going on the internet helped me when I began to see the writings of other gay people. It helped me realize that I had the concept wrong and now I’ve come out to my friends and family and have a boyfriend. Complete 180. I didn’t need therapy to overcome that.

And yes, I know I shouldn’t be reacting this way to what he said (much of what I said here is purposefully inflammatory to discourage further comment which has worked in the past). But there are just some people I can’t seem to get along with. Luckily there is no one (and I mean on one) like this in real life.

How have you connected the Holocaust to this thread, dom? Do you have a reference to “self-pity” anywhere; perhaps you mistake it for self-dprecating hmour (google it). I am only sorry that you are allowed on this website and I still think that teens, should be on teen websites.—-Anti-semitism is a new one for you – have you been following Lem around on other sites perhaps? Or maybe you just don’t know what to say to me besides “I don’t like you, self-pity and Holocaust references?”

I think I’ll go back to ignoring you now. Zen out.

@NewZen Yes.

And likewise I believe pretentious people should be on pretentious websites. But way to be the bigger man, Zen. Many people strive to be that. Again, I say: bravo.

: (

Can’t we all just get along?

I tell my shrink and my therapist everything that I am ashamed to talk about to others. I can’t tell them everything, because there isn’t enough time for that. And I can’t tell them the important stuff, because I don’t know what will turn out to be important. I answer their questions as completely as I can.

My friends all advised me to tell them about the stuff that shamed me. They said it was important to tell the whole thing, and not to hide anything.

I don’t mind. I trust HIPPA. I know they aren’t going to share this with anyone else. The nice thing is that they never get all judgmental on me. They generally make me feel better about the things that bother me. They tend to that most of the things I am ashamed of are symptoms of my illness. Then they offer their best advice about how to face these symptoms.

The nice thing is that they don’t shame me. They just work on things with me. Also, they are always there at my appointments. It’s not like a friend who may or may not be available. Also, they have a lot of tools in their toolkit. Friends often don’t know any of this stuff.

Anyway, I don’t use therapists as friends, or people to talk to. I use them as problem solvers. I tend not to trust much about what they say about me, because I feel they are professionally obliged to like me, but other than that, I do think they are useful mirrors.

I will talk about anything on fluther, but it’s not the same. This is more about hearing other people’s experiences. It’s like group therapy. Group therapy is helpful because you feel less alone and you share tips about how to do things and you find out that other people deal with the same problems. Still, experts spend a lot of timing learning about the conditions they treat, and that knowledge can be very useful.

[Mod says] @NewZen @DominicX Settle down, please. All further off-topic bickering will be removed.