I am in love with my 16 year old step-sis, but I don't know how to break it to her. What should I say to her?

Wow, thats a tough one. It may be hard to hear, but I recommend you not pursue that, because you are young and still live under the same roof as her (and as your parent). If you still feel this way in a few years after you’ve moved out then maybe you could talk to her.

She may not be your sister, but you still have an extremely close relationship with her. Unless your mom divorces her dad, you’re going to have to be step-siblings for the rest of your life. The reason people don’t marry their sisters (apart from the whole messed-up genetics thing) is that turning that relationship into a romantic one has the potential to be very damaging. I also don’t recommend pursuing this, at least until (as jackm said) you and she aren’t living together.

Nothing. She is family.

Jerk off, grow up, find someone else.

Leave that alone. You’re 14. You’ll get ga-ga-eyed over any beautiful girl you have close contact with. If there hasn’t been any sign of interest on her part for the last three years, then you’ll probably freak her out if you mention it. I am not going to help you with this.

i’ll second what @daloon said

Brady bunch much??? I’d leave her alone, you two are both too young and that would make things awkward if your parents did get married. It’s normal for you to have a crush on everyone you’re close to like @daloon said but I would never profess my love for her if I were you

I agree with whats been said, 14 years old isn’t an age to be making such decisions and you could risk causing problems within your family. Leave it alone.

Say absolutely nothing.

Trying to pursue a relationship with her will not only affect her, but your parents. You realize that, right? They probably won’t be in favour of you trying to hook up with her. Why put yourself through the drama and grief of squicking both her and your parents out?

Also, as much as you’re tired of hearing this, you are only 14 and you’re probably crushing on her because at your age, you’ve got sex on the brain and she’s right there. I’m sure she’s pretty and all, but people do tend to fall for those in close proximity, you know? In this case though, it’s a bad idea. Even though she is not biologically related to you, she’s “emotionally related” to you through your parents’ relationship.

I’d bet there’s many good-looking and nice girls at your school. It would be better for you to get to know and like one of them.

Just do everything George Michael does in Arrested Development. Seems to work for him. Its his cousin though (or is it?)

I agree with everyone else. Leave it well alone. I have two step brothers who I love dearly but it would REALLY freak me out if they confessed any kind of romantic love for me.

@ChazMaz and don’t think of her when you do it! (no joke)

@jackm Did they ever resolve whether she was adopted or not? God I miss that show.

Honesty is cool.

Even though you are not related, incest is such a maladaptive practice that she is probably hard-wired to find your desires for her repugnant. It’s nothing conscious on her part; that’s just the way we human beings work. Everyone eventually deals with an unrequited love – this one is yours.

I know the advice that you should just leave it alone is the last thing you want to hear, but it’s probably the best thing you can do. It’s going to be tough to hold in your feelings, but it will save your relationship in the end.

This doesn’t mean you can’t flirt, be extra nice, or do things for her, but I wouldn’t come out and tell her or talk to her about it. She may feel the same one day and have enough gumption to come to you about it. Until then, be yourself, but stay quiet. If you don’t, you’re risking misery in your house until your 18th birthday. It’s much easier to keep your true feelings inside and have her (and your parents) around until your 18th birthday.

I feel really bad for you and I hope you’ve found some help here.

@Sarcasm If I recall correctly her mother (lindsay) was the one that was adopted. So technically they are not related by blood. I’m afraid we’ll just have to wait for the upcoming movie to find out what Michael’s next move is.

If you kiss her, she might turn into a troll just like you.

Even besides the whole step-sibling thing, most 16 year old girls have zero interest in a 14 year old boy. She’ll be looking at guys who are her age or older. So, if you want to make your life a living hell then go for it.

It will end tragically!

I think our culture has issues with the whole incest thing, personally you i think you should stay cool and see what happens, social conventions are head fucks where the heart is concern.

@mammal

I don’t see how it’s “incest” if they’re not even related to you.

And judging by some of these responses, I don’t think people understand that a stepsister isn’t related to you at all. A stepsister is the daughter of your parents’ new spouse/lover from a previous relationship of theirs. They are not related to you in any way.

I suggest that you worship her from afar while diligently checking out all the girls at school, especially those who are also 14 years old. Girls tend to mature earlier than boys so it is not terribly likely that a 16 yo girl will have a romantic interest in a 14 yo boy.

Try dating other 14 yo girls, then, once you are both over 18, if you still have these feelings you could possibly bring them up, as the age difference won’t matter as much then. However, by then you may have found a girl that you like that likes you back so there is no agonizing over what to say.

GA @Darwin.

Tell her outright. You can’t get worse than a rejection. If she feels alike, go ahead, but keep a low profile. Parents and society will be a major pain in the arse if they find out.

@DominicX I think it’s not a concern based on blood-relations, but the fact that they’ve been operating, living together, as siblings. Their parents (are planning to become married?) and the OP and (his?) step-sister are both still children. It’s akin to incest in some minds because they’re being molded into a familial unit.

Personally, if in 4 or 5 years, he still feels for her, and she returns the sentiment, then I have no problems with it. I think it’s just too soon, and could potentially result in an awkward familial relationship.

Shut your goddamn mouth and keep it shut. Next thing you know your parents will be putting you in therapy.

@Beta_Orionis

I definitely agree it’s way too early. Best leave this alone at this age. I just disagree with labeling it as “incest”. To me, incest is like nitroglycerin. Breathe on it and it will blow up hysterically in your face. The subject of incest so unstable and reactive that most people don’t even go near it in discussion. But I think it’s worth more exploring especially in cases where the people are not even blood relatives.

Don’t tell her! At least wait until you’ll no longer be living in the same house, because otherwise it could make for a seriously awkward situation…!

You say you love her, but do you like her? How well do you know her? Do you ever get together to just talk? If you set aside your romantic fantasies, you have a chance to establish a friendship, like brother and sister and, if you are lucky, it could last a lifetime. Now that would be something worth working on.

@DominicX I don’t agree with labeling it such either, but seeing as they’re basically siblings (even if not blood-related,) I think most people feel just as they would if it were actual incest.

I also agree that it should be examined and discussed more thoroughly. Unfortunately, it also calls to mind other examples of interesting family dynamics, such as becoming intimate with an adopted child, step parents moving on to have a relationship with step children, etc. Those also generally provoke a negative reaction. The argument against those cases, however, generally revolves around the abuse of a position of power, other kinds of manipulation, and perceived immorality, which are not exactly applicable to this sort of circumstance.

The movies Clueless and Emma aside (based on the same book), no good can come from this.

Try to put aside any thought of a romantic entanglement. She is your sister, whether step- or not, (and in many cultures she would be off-limits to you.) On the other hand, a brother/sister friendship can last a lifetime and be a source of strength for both.

Will I be shouted down for questioning if a 14yr old can know what real love is? Am I judgemental if I mistake this for infatuation instead of love?

First of all, I do NOT live with her, she just comes to visit for like a month from time to time.

Also…we do get together to talk. Sometimes she feels she can’t talk to anyone else, so she calls me when somethings up and I catch a train to her area and we find a place a little private to talk.

@FireMadeFlesh It’s the only safe assumption. While I’m not ruling out the slim possibility that it may actually be love, I won’t shout you down.

.
@Pyro_Taze even without living together, the majority of our points are still applicable

@Beta_Orionis I was just remembering my first relationship, which was when I was 14 and she was 15. I thought she was great, and when my aunty asked if I was in love, I replied “I guess so”. I can’t help laughing now, it seems so silly now I really am in love.

@Pyro_Taze I would’ve advised you to keep it to yourself (at least for the time being) anyway, but I really think that’s what you should do after reading your most recent quip. If she talks to you when she can’t talk to anyone else, she probably won’t thank you at all for admitting your feelings. If she doesn’t return them, she’ll probably feel awkward and uncomfortable around you, and she’ll have lost her person to talk to. And if she does return them and the two of you start something, there’ll be a part of her life that she won’t be able to talk to you about and she’ll still have lost her “person.”

Your situation is very very tough..and you are so cute.. !!! I remember how I felt when I was 13 and crazy in love with this guy ..right now, I’m 25 and.. geeezz.. I laugh about it..
I belive your feelings are totally legit..at your age things aren’t too serious.. I mean nothing tooooo bad could happen if you express your feelings.. so, go for it!!! take the chance!! =) After all it’s not like the world is going to be over and your families will hate eachother forever… nothing like that is going to happen, so… it’s your call

Flowers in the attic anyone?
I really hope for your sake that you try to wait and mature a bit before opening this pandora’s box. Regardless of what her answer may be there are certain things that can NEVER be undone. Like @MacBean said… She’ll lose “her person” and things will never be the same.