What does it mean when a guy says "I have intimacy issues..."?

It means he’s still somewhat selfish.

I think it’s brave of him to admit

It means he isn’t sure how he feels, and he isn’t sure he is comfortable. Give him room.

Reminds me of that episode of Cheaters, when they bust into the guy’s hotel room to find him hand-cuffed and being whipped by a tranny, and he’s explaining: “I’m just working out some intimacy issues!” .........but i’m sure this isn’t the case in your situation…i hope.

It means he doesn’t want to open up.

I am not sure if I should be responding to my own question. But I KNOW, he is not a cheater for sure. He is very good to his friends. Nonaggressive toward women, but not shy either. He claims he’s not very emotional, has problems making people feel needed, and needs space. One time he asked me if I think he’s mean to me. to which i responded that he should know that better than me. then he agreed and called himself a self-proclaimed good person… I don’t understand this boy.

@oddiess: If you are looking for intimacy with a guy, this is not the right one. You can analyze him until the cows come home, but that will change nothing. Don’t spend the next 6 months, never mind the next 6 hours, trying to figure out what you can do.

Often it means “I don’t want to be intimate in any way other than sexual”.

I am in full agreement with @gailcalled. You have many men out there that will give what you want and deserve

I agree with Gail also. Move on. He isn’t right for you.

He has trouble with trust. It’ll be hard for him to open up to you. You won’t feel like you really know him. He feels a need to be protective of his time. He probably gets irritated when he spends too much time with others. He may feel he is giving up something that he can’t get enough of: space.

What are you looking for? If you want to find a husband, then you’ll probably have to wait for years for this guy to feel safe enough to marry you. If he’s worth it, and you can stand it, you could be patient. Otherwise, move on if you need something more immediate.

@oddiess – I too fully agree with @gailcalled . I did the same thing, analyzed the hell out of the last man I fell for, for an entire year. Only thing that really came out of that was more confusion, questions, and pain. I would try your best to let him go and walk away, before you really get hurt.

It means he is going to share physically but not emotionally, so shut up. and let him sleep.

It means he isn’t really ready for a long-term relationship, and so needs to be separate enough that you don’t start thinking he wants one. If you like having a “here one day, gone the next” boyfriend then just stay the course. However, if you are looking for someone who may eventually want to set up housekeeping with you, this guy is not the one.

However, your mileage may vary.

Not to sound too cliched, but it basically means he’s just not that into you. If he were he would want to spend as much time hanging out with you as you would permit NOT the reverse. There is absolutely nothing the matter with you and trying to analyze him can be crazy making for you.

If the two of you are involved sexually, it means that is pretty much his motivation for being with you at all.

As Gail said, just move on and find the right one for you. It’s not this guy and you can’t change him.

I remember an interview I saw with the guy who wrote the book about he’s just not that into you. He was describing his own dating experiences from his younger pre-marriage days. He dated quite a few women and was good friends with them and such.

But when he met his future wife it was totally different. He took great care to make himself available to her and would re-arrange any parts of his schedule which would interfere with the time they had together. He didn’t want to lose her to ant other guy so he treated their relationship with great care. He wanted to be certain that there was no doubt in her mind about how important she was to him. He wanted to be with her as much as possible and however much time she would allow him.

He wrote the book primarily to let women know that they shouldn’t be wasting their energy on guys who just didn’t feel the same way about them.

His basic premise was that every woman deserves to be with a guy who worships the ground they walk on instead of settling for leftover crumbs from a guy just playing the field and looking for free sex.

Each of the women in the audience described their various experiences and were asking the same basic question about how can you KNOW if he’s really into you and the right one.

His answer was simple. You can tell by his actions. Not his words (or excuses) but his actions. You won’t have to be chasing him cuz he will be the one in pursuit of you and as much of your time and attention as you’re willing to grant him. It will be obvious. If it’s not, just move on.

I think he was being totally honest about what men are really all about and I think his advice was spot on. Don’t waste your energy on a guy who is just not that in to you. It prevents you from being available to find the one who is. And that’s what you deserve in life.

@oddiess – I’m a girl, but the part where he says he has a hard time making people feel needed… I have the same problem. I find it hard to become close to people I like as well. I even made the guy I like think that I don’t like him, and now am alone.

I don’t know… maybe you could let him know somehow that his behaviour is just going to push you away. Is he down-on-himself kind of guy? Maybe he feels like he doesn’t deserve the company of certain people. If so, let him know he deserves the love and company of those he loves too.

Then again it could be also what @Buttonstc said.

This guy is either really deep or full of shit.

Am I the only one who doesn’t see much of a problem here? If you hang out “very regularly” and he usually takes the initiative to contact you, it’s not that odd for him to want some alone time every so often.

Some people are introverts.

That being said, even if he is telling the complete truth, you might want more than he’s willing or able to give (and that’s not anyone’s fault).

”Am I the only one who doesn’t see much of a problem here?”

No, you’re not. My first thought after reading the details was that the guy’s just introverted and needs time to himself. I don’t see anything selfish, shady, immature, or otherwise “wrong” here at all.

You need to ask him what he means, specifically.

“Intimacy issues” can mean a lot of different things, for example:
1) He just is a personality who wants to spend a lot of time alone. (Personally, though, I would not call this “an issue”.)
2) He wants to spend more time with you, but for some reason it is very tiring or scary for him.
3) He is using “issues” as as an excuse to not see you or commit to a relationship while he actually is a pretty outgoing type.

I think what you need to do is to figure out what it means to him. Then you need to figure out if you can live with that.

@Janka: He doesn’t like to be alone. But he likes to have separate groups of friends, instead of being with the same group all the time. When he’s not with me, he goes to hang out with his guy friends. He is a caring person, to everyone. But he is not particularly more caring for people he has been long time friends with.
@MacBean & @lrk: I am not really bothered by him needing his own time. I am just confused. Yesterday during a casual conversation between him and a mutual friend of ours, I realized he already made plans for this upcoming weekend to do quite a few things with his other friends. I am ok with him having plans, but it just came as a surprise since he never thought of mentioning his plans to me. Obviously he’s not trying to keep it a secret either. I was just reminded of the distance between us.
@lostinyoureyes: I don’t understand people who have trouble making others feel needed. for me, liking someone making them feel cared for is very easy… So I am confused. This boy, he is very nice to me which is even more confusing. Obviously he knows how to make people feel needed…

it means its about sex. that’s it.

It may not be the case here but it usually means “I’m only interested in casual sex and I want to make sure you don’t expect a meaningful relationship”

Basically…...he’s just not that into you….move on.

A man who really, really wants you…finds excuses to be with you…as much as possible.

If he is an older person say, over 40…or been hurt in love… then, yes, they probably need their space. So, you will have to live with that.

Oprah once said, ” A man will tell you what he is feeling…and you need to hear it.”

He has intimacy issues. Can you live with that? If not, put on your walking shoes and find someone who is whole and wants closeness.