How do you deal with grief you don't understand?

Cry and feel sad, it’s natural. Just remember the moving on part when it’s time.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Because you have a soft heart. It’s not a bad thing or something to be concerned with. I have a sister that is just the opposite. She doesn’t cry for anything. My other sister can cry at commercials. It’s obvious this person had an impact on you however short in time you knew him. Sorry for your loss.

You made a bond with him. You are mourning a loss.
To be an honorary Grandfather shows he was fond of you. It was special despite how little you actually interacted.

Perhaps you should do something in his honor. :) It does not have to be anything big- just to show that he was special to you.

My nephew died (at age 42) of cancer. I visited him while he was ill but I was not there for his death or funeral. I knew he was gone but it wasn’t quite real. A couple of months later a man that I knew socially died, it was sad but had no real impact on my life. But…. when we went to his funeral, I cried like a baby, it was a little embarrassing really, but I couldn’t control it, I just gushed. I figured it was like I was mourning my nephew because I missed his funeral.

Sounds sort of weird but that is all I can figure. So maybe you are mourning another loss that you never quite acknowledged consciously???? The inside of my head is a very complicated place!

I’m sorry KG. It’s ok to cry… just go ahead and let yourself. I’ll tell you… when my uncle (the one who molested me) died, I cried like a baby. Some of that was relief, but there was definitely some grief mixed in there. We don’t always have to know why we feel the way we do. Just feel it, and move forward. {hugs}

First I am so sorry for the loss.

Grief is a nasty monster. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again in this thread. Having said that the best way to deal with grief is to not control it. Let it take it’s course, whatever that may be. Allow yourself and to cry and to mourn the passing of this man who obviously had an affect on your life. It is also important to find a way to honor his memory. Write a letter to his family saying how just this one meeting with him touched you so much and perhaps you could even ask for a picture of him so that you can honor his memory whenever you feel the desire to do so.

Hugs.

I had a similar experience with a family member. A few years ago a young (and by young I mean around 10 years old) second cousin of mine passed away very suddenly. Our extended family is very large and I don’t get to see many of them very much but I was still upset about the incident. But at the same time I was sad that I didn’t spend much time with him and his family. I think that our bodies know how we feel before our brains can. Idk if this makes any sense but in that situation with the passing of my young cousin I felt a lot of sadness and frustration but I couldn’t figure out why.. In the meantime I would say it’s ok to cry, we’ll be a shoulder…

ps- @KatawaGrey (you can cry on me!! I miss you!)

Sometimes one sad event can remind of of other losses in our life, and can overwhelm us with grief. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you will allow yourself to feel and express whatever it is that you feel, no matter if it seems reasonable or not.

Thank you everybody. I have been expressing my grief and you all have made me feel better. I feel as if I don’t really have a right to be this sad because he was somebody else’s grandfather and I didn’t know him very well. I know this isn’t the case in truth, but it makes everything a little bit weird for me. Thanks for your support. You have no idea how much this means to me.

@KatawaGrey We lurve you, girly.

He may have been someone else’s grandfather, but he clearly meant something to you. Don’t underestimate the impact certain people can have on us in a short period of time.

Whatever it was, be glad you made that connection. So you mourn the loss – this is probably good. All emotions are meant to be felt. Even grief has a purpose.

((bear hug))

Years ago my mother mentioned to me the death of a former long-time colleague of my father’s, a fellow faculty member. I had known the man slightly and only in the larger peripheral world. I am not sure we ever even actually spoke to one another. He was just one of the familiar presences in the environment, a very distinctive presence, but definitely not someone to whom I felt an emotional tie. I doubt that he ever gave me a thought, or at most something like “cute kid” when I was little.

Yet when I knew he was gone, I felt a very strong sense of loss and sadness. I had never realized it before, but I had thought the world was a better place with him in it, and without him it seemed diminished.

In this way I came to understand that we never know how we may affect other lives and who will miss us when we’re gone. And we also never know who may mean something to us and why. We can learn to treasure the presence of others in this world, even strangers, the man in the newspaper kiosk, the woman who smiles as she rings up our latte. Kinship does not need a reason.

You may not have known him well, but he made an impact on your life. Now he is gone so any potential for a deeper relationship is also gone. Thus you mourn what was as well as what will never be.