Guilt about being gay?

Never. And if I did, I’d try therapy to deal with it.

Were you raised in a very religious or anti gay home? Maybe looking at your background is the way to figure out why you are feeling guilty. I think therapy is a very wise thing. Are you out to your family? If not maybe that’s got something to do with it….just ideas.

Whatever guilt you feel is a result of the internalization of social mores and expectations. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, but if you grow up around people who disagree, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll internalize that at some level.

If you ask this because you can’t shake the guilt yourself, I kind of wish I could introduce you to my ex.. she had a zealous Catholic upbringing and really fought with herself for a while over whether being gay was wrong, whether it would just be easier to try to live a hetero life, etc. I think you two would have a lot to talk about. It’s not easy, that’s for sure.

Actually, my father was ordained oh so many years ago as a Catholic priest but the funny thing is that if anyone would be ok with me being gay it would be him. Both of my parents are perfectly loving, reasonable people. I don’t think that is a contributing factor.

@clioi Have you told them yet? Having them accept it might help you to be able to.

I haven’t yet.

@clioi It might make you feel better, since they sound like they’d be awesome about it. It made me feel better when I told my mom I way gay. (Her reaction was “Oh, yeah. I figured.” Lol!)

Since you already know your guilt is irrational (it’s like feeling guilty for having brown eyes!), I think a therapist might be able to help you realize why it is you feel so guilty, enabling you to be ok with it.

There’s no guilt. Sometimes there’s the desire to see the other side for a day, whether it’s easier being straight. But I never think what I am, sexually, is cause for guilt.

People will try to tell you otherwise. People will tell you homosexuality is a choice and then expect you to feel a certain level of guilt for making that ‘choice’, though it isn’t one at all. It is impossible for many of them to understand, and you honestly shouldn’t expect them to. Maybe that is pessimistic, but I think gay guilt is something that comes from one’s environment, and if you can’t get over another’s ignorance then you won’t be able to come to terms with your sexuality either.

I am fortunate enough to have a father who is not only tolerant but also bisexual. He knows to some degree at least the difficulty of being sexually different. And my mother was a hippie, so she’s down with the free love.

It’s a tough question to answer. I hope you don’t feel this way yourself. At least you recognize that the guilt is irrational.

Maybe your guilt comes from lying to the people you love, not because you are gay. What’s their to feel guilty about?

@tinyfaery having gay feelings can make you feel guilty if you are taught that it is wrong. In my family when I was a kid, and even in the place I grew up, being a homosexual was the worst thing possible. Sure it’s bad now, but it was anathema three decades ago. My Baptist family suggested I pray the gay away, as only God could help me overcome such a sinful behavior. I understand where the OP is coming from; I lived that nightmare most of my life.

It was when I figured out that my feelings were no one else’s business, and love is never wrong, that things got better. Being gay isn’t easy; and being pansexual is even worse in this mostly straight world. back when I was a kid, our only gay role models were Liberace or Paul Lynde.

@Psychedelic_Zebra This guy says that is not the case. Otherwise, I understand that.

I’m sure many people will disagree with this, but If people would just realize that religion is obsolete, it wouldn’t be such a big problem.

I am not gay, but be proud to be who you are.
I tried to find a link for Pete Townshend’s version of this song, but only found this

Are you an only child?

I always thought that everyone was just like me, experiencing feelings for everyone…I had to learn, actually, that most people thought men and women have to go together

@tinyfaery I must have missed that, mea culpa.

yeah there are guilts , of course, and shame. I am not gay but I can understand. I deal with it by accepting those feelings and see them as they are, feelings.

@PandoraBoxx, I am not an only child, I have one sister two years youger than I am.

Could it be related to the idea your parents are going to want grandchildren someday? It was funny for my husband when our last child was a girl. His older brother only has daughters as well, and it means the family name stops with him. He didn’t think it would bother him until she was born.

@clioi I was thinking along the lines of what @PandoraBoxx said, grandchildren and other expectations you feel you will not be able to fulfill because you are gay, even if your parents will be accepting. Like you will not meet some Normal Rockwell expectation. I would argue it’s not so, that any relationship you have IS the same as a heterosexual relationship.

I’m relating it to my own situation. I had many health problems during my marriage which has interferred with our sex life. I feel enormous guilt and sadness over it, even though my husband is understanding, and knows it is out of my control. I am harder on myself than he would ever be on me. Many people tell me I should not feel guilty, but I still do. I feel like I don’t meet the expecations within a marriage, and even worse I personally feel I am not the type of wife I want to be, even without any outside judgment. I feel light I have let him down.

Most days I’m ok with being a lesbian (I’ve been this way for around 10 years), however there are days (i should rather say minutes) where i do feel some sort of guilt. I feel this for many different reasons. My mother saying something about how she would have loved to be mom-in-law to my high school boyfriend, or someone religious saying it’s wrong, or the glare on the street because Im holding my girlfriends hand, because there wont be a little Elerie running around.
When those moments occur, i tell myself I’m happy this way. I’m happier this way than i would be if i was married to high school boyfriend, with 5 kids and a white picket fence! Those things arent me! Never will be! I cant talk myself into, and i wont settle for that lifestyle either! No matter how hard this “alternative lifestyle” might be, I’m still happy to be me!

I don’t see any reason why anyone would be “GUILTY” for being who they are born to be…

There are things beyond our control ; and who we are is one of those things….

We need to get past any shame, and guilt etc ..and makea meaningful and loving LIFE .

Be Yourself and Be Happy being YOU .

The only thing even resembling guilt I feel is not being able to tell my family. Most of my family is either extremely religious, or just plain homophobic. I started going out with my best friend, & we can’t even express our happiness within our own homes. Even so, any guilt I feel is diminished just by being with her.

It’s weird. I think my girlfriend has these mood swings or something but she just told me today that she is guilty for being gay. Then i try to get the reasons out of her why she feels this way, but she don’t reply. She goes to some catholic church. Yes she loves god but the people in that church dispise her for who she is. I think it is getting to her. And im scared. I’m not sure what to say or do. We have been together for over a year. All her family knows she is gay and what not. So that’s not an issue. So give me some advice. Thanks