Is there no one to turn to?

Yes, I have. What I found is that there are always people who will listen to you, and that it is your responsibility to go talk about it.

It almost killed me learning it, though. Not a good one to learn via mistakes.

It’s something that only I and the other person involved know about.
I slept it off for about two weeks, and would run about 3 miles a day to calm myself down.

there is nothing I can’t tell my partner or best friend…I am incredibly lucky, I understand that…so even when I didn’t want to say something but it ate me up inside, they knew

What do you mean when you say the reason for your pain is illegitimate?

I feel that way sometimes. It’s really hard to tell someone about a problem if you believe that you have no right to feel that way. I think most of this is self-doubt. Everyone has flaws, and great friends will listen to your problems even if you’re clearly in the wrong. It helps me to chew over an issue for a couple weeks before I tell someone, and write about it to clarify my thoughts and think about why I feel this way. I’m sure you’ve listened to someone else’s issue sometime, and sympathized with them, even if they were wrong to feel that way. You can’t help what you feel; the heart wants what it wants.

Well, I have not exactly been in the situation that I could tell no one of my pain during a specific bad time in my life, but I have been in the situation where I had said it so many times that people were tired of hearing it. Sometimes I go ahead and pay a shrink to be able to vent some more.

Who’s to say what is legitimate or not? You’re feelings are you’re feelings. What you do with those feelings is something different.

I learned that even though I think my reason for being depressed is ‘illegitimate’, there will be people who will listen to me even though they don’t agree with me. I don’t really keep secrets. Find someone you trust.

The hardest problem in my life was my over-active imagination and the creatures that live in my head. (There is a more in-depth description here.)

I felt like I had no one to talk to and that I was going to have to face this alone. I had it bottled up for nearly 12 years, it progressively getting worse as the time went by. Then my partner and love of my life came along. I was able to open up to him and tell him exactly what was going on without feeling like he would think I was completely crazy. He has been my hero since then.

I can call him at 2am if I have “seen” one of the creatures. He has made it very clear to tell him when I have seen one. He knows they are not real just like I do, but he has so much love and compassion and he hates how badly it scares me. He want’s me to “tattle” on them when they come around so they know he’s here and won’t let them get away with what they are doing to me. (I know it sounds bizarre, it’s a coping idea we came up with together that seems to work so far.) He will tell them to “F**k off” and to leave me alone. He has stood so strongly by me when I have been so weak, never doubting me for a second.

It was so incredibly hard to let someone in on my deepest, darkest secret. I can remember that night so clearly, laying in bed together as I cried and told him everything right from the beginning. He just gathered me up in his arms and told me to not worry anymore because evil-creature extermination is his secret hobby :D At that moment I knew, without a doubt, that we we’re meant to be <3 – LB

I think that when you do feel that way…..you go to some message board on the ‘net…and inevitably, you will find some soul, somewhere, who feels the exact same way as you do.

You read, you post. You don’t feel so alone.

I’ve been dealing with some feelings lately that are difficult to bring up to others, and I feel I have no one to turn to because I feel selfish for feeling the way I do. But, at the same time everyone should be entitled to be selfish in the way I am…but I still feel like I have no one to turn to, or won’t get sympathy…which is all I really want lol.

I have people I am close to, and I share just about everything with them, but I am currently harboring a pretty big secret that I’ve mentioned to no one. I fear the disappointment that will come with the revelation, both from the people I’m closest to and from myself. The worst part is that in a little over a month, the truth will have to come out one way or another.

I get the feeling that this might turn into a Fluther topic of its own one day…

@drdoombot That you’re in love with the Invisible Girl?

Generally, I think holding a secret burdens the soul. People can be surprisingly understanding, and the old cliche the truth will set you free tends to be true.

@drdoombot hug

@casheroo and @drdoombot I feel confident us flutherites will be understanding when you decide, if you decide to tell.

I have harbored several secrets over the years, and last February, they caused me to enter a depressive state unlike any other in the past. There are two people in the wolrd with whom I can talk to them, one is my wife and the other is my closest male friend that lives over 1,200 miles away (and yet, we have never met in person), but sometimes I wish there were more people to talk to about this stuff.

I did find one like-minded person on Xanga, but he lives in another country. I don’t have any answers, but it is kind of nice to unburden my mind a bit here.

If you truly find yourself in this position, the very best thing to do is go to therapy and spill it. You really will feel better.

When I’ve found myself in this situation, it’s usually more because I’m feeling lonely rather than the secret or problem being too devastating to share. It just adds loneliness though… or because people aren’t answering calls/texts/messages/etc.

I find myself in situations all the time, where the people tell me either not to feel the way I do, or that I’m wrong to feel the way I do, or that they’re feeling worse than me, instead of saying they’re sorry I’m feeling so bad, and that not matter what, things will work out. It’s a really lonely feeling, and caused me to cry, which resulted in me being told not to cry, because I have no reason to cry, that I was being ridiculous.

The latest situation is about the job change. Logically, I’m onboard with it, but part of me inside is hesitant and a bit frustrated and sad. Some of the answers that I received to the question I posted on Fluther were more helpful and supportive than at home.

When I feel bad about things that shouldn’t matter, I have tried to develope the Super Power that every one of us has – The Power of Ignore.

At the times it is the most difficult, I simply talk to myself, and give myself some very good advice.

Yes, a few times and I chose not to say anything to the people closest to me for these reasons:

They wouldn’t sympathize much and I was too exhausted for lectures

They wouldn’t have been able to lend any help, it was totally out of the sphere of common

The issue was so disturbing, they would have been hurt personally just having the knowledge or disgusted and forever changed their opinion of my choices

I believe in sharing most anything with the people I love and those I know love me but I still weigh and choose carefully what will be the repercussions of them hearing what I have to say. Sometimes I choose to confide in acquaintances or others in order to spare my loves.

I don’t think any pain is illegitimate. Even if you feel the reason you are in pain is silly, or baseless, it is still legitimate and real.

There are times when I’ve been depressed and not wanted to talk about it because I thought I was being stupid. It could range from anything to being upset about classes or that my cat knocked over a box of jewelry. I’ve found that talking about it, to a friend, family member or therapist, helps ease the pain and frustration. Keeping things in your head distorts them and makes them seem more severe, but once you get it out into words, you often realize that it’s not as catastrophic as you think it is.

I’ve also been in situations where I don’t want to talk about my pain because I’m ashamed or embarrassed about the cause. I have done things I’m not exactly proud of and still feel guilty about, but I don’t talk about them very often. When I do, I try to brush it off in a joking sort of way, not letting on exactly how I feel.

Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people about your problems for fear of getting lectured when you already feel bad. Other times I feel it’s pointless to talk to certain people because, like @hungryhungryhortence said, they wouldn’t be able to help and it would just be a burden.

But I’m a firm believer in talking about your pain, no matter how “illegitimate” it may seem. If your friends and family aren’t people you can go to, then get a therapist – in my mind, there’s nothing better than having a person who’s getting paid just to care about your problems.

I’m guessing that “the reason you are in pain is illegitimate” has nothing to do with whether the pain is legitimate. Suppose you got hurt doing something you shouldn’t have been doing and can’t talk about—the obvious example being an illicit affair. If your secret lover broke off with you and trashed your feelings, your pain might be genuine and your feelings legitimate, but you might regard the reason as illegitimate.

It doesn’t happen often, but if and when i do need someone to talk to, it seems i can always count on @augustlan, @hungryhungryhortence, @Allie, @casheroo, @Grisaille, and many others… i even get help from the damn monkey… Fluther is usually where i turn.. if not a thread then campfire. It helps me step out of the situation and see it from a different perspective.

@Dr_C: Hx3 misses the Doc!

@hungryhungryhortence Dr. C misses Hx3 too