What happens at sex parties and/or swing parties?
A scene in a novel I’m writing happens at a sex party. I’ve only heard about sex parties and not ever been to one. I’d like to make the scene realistic. Any suggestions on what I should include?
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A popular thing to do then was throw car keys into a hat or bag or something, and then they would draw pairs. Then the pairs would go have sex.
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I would be willing to do the research for this question.
there are many different kinds of parties…there are parties where you know everyone, parties where you don’t, parties where you can watch, parties for couples only, parties interested in threesomes, themed parties, fetish parties…protection sometimes provided by hosts, sometimes you gotta bring your own…today I was talking to a friend/potential lover and he goes to sex parties every time he goes to a swing dancing convention…and damn, those people swing dance and then they swing dance…lol
There was an older question that might help. Check with Emily Post for proper sex party etiquette and dress.
Brown chicken brown cow (I love that I got to use this answer now twice in one week!)
Whoa! Did we all time travel back to the mid-70’s and do we have to go back to 100% slick polyester again? Sleazy clothes go so well with sleazy values, don’t they?
@galileogirl do you think people that go to sex parties have sleazy values?
include a lot of mustaches because from what I can gather they seem to congregate at these types of events…
Yes but I am also sure they care more about their wardrobes than they do those values.
I don’t go to them myself, but I wouldn’t call it “sleazy values” either. You can be interested in exploring your sexuality in many facets without being sleazy and while maintaining firm values. Arguing that having those kinds of sexual interests means that someone doesn’t have values is as subjective as saying they don’t have values because they don’t like mayo or they don’t like children or they would rather shop at one store or another. It’s all about personal tastes and interests. Values and morals can only be personally determined, and they change and morph from time to time and place to place.
@galileogirl – I believe that’s also quite a generalization.
Swinging connotes committed partners not single people “exploring” their sexuality. It certainly is not the same as eschewing mayo for salad dressing unless you take vows at the deli counter.
BTW how much exploration does it take to turn a beautiful landscape into an 8 lane freeway?
Everyone brings a dish and they share.
@galileogirl Even if what you describe were true (it’s not, btw), if the committed couple is perfectly fine with it, why should we care?
Again with the food metaphor. If you guys don’t know the difference between sex and eating. you’re doing both wrong.
Well, the poster did include both swinging and general sex parties in the question. But even if we’re only talking about swinging, do you think there is anything wrong with it?
Your metaphor doesn’t make sense – exploration is the act of discovering new territory, and doesn’t include construction. Not only that, but it implies that too much sexual exploration will destroy the “natural state” of sexuality. I don’t agree with either premise.
Ok, sex is not the same as eating (though both are very sensual, and are often metaphorically equated), but the point was that both come down to personal taste, and that no-one should be able to judge you based on those sorts of decisions.
I’ve never made a vow to a condiment.
Yes, but I think you’re missing the point. I understand that relationships and eating are different things, no-one is debating that. The point, though, was that both one’s choices about relationships and one’s choices about condiments are personal and subjective, and thus not beholden to the values of anyone else.
If it’s all consensual, no one gets hurt unless they want to and it’s carefully monitored, and everyone is safe and clean, who cares? I certainly don’t.
As long as no one comes to my door proselytizing about them, I don’t much care who does what to whom at any kind of party.
@rooeytoo – Let me tell you how I can save your soul through swinging. Can I leave this pamphlet with you?
@MissAnthrope – hehehehe, yep I can hardly wait to receive it, you may send it to me:
Rooeytoo
Australia
My soul is eternally grateful!
Write about what you know.
The rules are usually made by the host of the party. The ones I go to are Master/Slave based. There is a 21 page manual if you would like one.
@galileogirl as a person in an open marriage full of love, children and committment to each other and our lives ahead, I want to tell you that sex parties or going outside our relationships do nothing to shake our love or our morals…I consider my values to be quite stable, as I am a just and honest person, much more devoted to social activism and supporting others than most…your comments are not hurtful to me, but they might be to others…if you feel so strongly about how sleazy we are, you don’t have to be part of the swinger lifestyle…however I can’t imagine you’ve been to all that many parties yourself (I mean why would you if you think it’s sleazy) and so you unfortunately didn’t get to experience what it could really be like in terms of what kind of things you can learn in terms of yourself and your partner
I went to one once out of intense curiosity. My account of it is one one of the threads here. Anyway, it really wasn’t sleazy at all. Everyone was very nice and respectful, for one. No creeps. It was someone’s house, which was clean and well-decorated, with the added bonus of having a hot tub and a whole bunch of equipment and rooms downstairs for play.
Everyone stripped down and mingled. It was “pan-sexual”, so there were interesting combinations of people playing with each other, but it was also okay to just watch (respectfully) if you didn’t want to participate. Bowls of condoms, latex gloves, and lube scattered around. There were some semi-private rooms/spaces, but it was mostly open. There were some mattresses on the floor in some areas, a padded table, a sex sling, and a BDSM room with a cage, a rack, and I can’t remember what else.
I got quite the sex education that night.. saw things I’d only read about. :P
@Simone_De_Beauvoir & @MissAnthrope I imagine the parties you’ve been to must have been organized by friends who put together a very friendly guest list. I just can’t imagine that otherwise there wouldn’t be creepers sneaking into the fray. I’m I right? Would either of you consider going to a party that was, for lack of a better term, less private? Or would you be worried about some sleazy individuals joining in?
@fundevogel I, personally, am interested in attending all sorts of parties because I think one can learn from the variety of swinging experiences…if I felt that there were individuals there that I don’t want to be intimate with, I’d leave, tell ‘em to back off or otherwise protect myself…
@galileogirl: Oh, I must be doing it wrong. That’s why I go for a bite of sandwich and end up with a penis in my mouth instead. Never thought much of it before, but I guess I’ll look into it now.
Honestly, I firmly believe in live and let live. If no one is intruding on my wishes and preventing me from conducting my life as I see fit, I see no reason to do that to anyone else, be they a swinger, a devout Catholic, or an anarchist. Their lives are their own. I don’t pass judgment on people for these things either, because I’m sure that there’s plenty of things people could judge me for (and I wouldn’t appreciate that, of course); it’s just the simple fact that our personal morals and values don’t really intersect. So be it.
This is a link to a clip from National Geographic channel’s show “Taboo.” The particular episode talks about sexual taboos, and this particular clip talks about swinging and the lifestyle. There is no graphic content in the clip. I think people might find it interesting to check out.
@TitsMcGhee I totally spit out my salad when I read the first part of your comment, in laughter, of course…then I got all kinds of horny and confused…but obviously that’s because I’m in an open relationship…
@Simone_De_Beauvoir: See, I wasn’t confused before, but then I read that I’m not supposed to end up with a dick instead of a sandwich, and now I have no idea what’s going on. But thanks :D
@TitsMcGhee maybe there is a manual out there someplace…I mean, really!
@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Ask @galileogirl. I’m sure she has one she’d love to lend you. Most people just pull out the Bible, but I think we need step-by-step instruction.
@TitsMcGhee well at this point I think you and me need some sort of hand on breast interaction…i’m joking, i’m joking…can’t control myself with the loose morals and all…but yeah, pm me when you’re in NY, lol
Here I thought the problem was that labia were supposed to erupt out of your sandwich when you ate it, not penises…
@fundevogel & anyone else worried about sleaze sneaking in,
every party I have been to has been by invitation only.
That’s good to know, reassuring actually.
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