Can an unfaithful husband/boyfriend ever be faithful again and always?

They can, but the odds are not that hot.
Of course every person is different so any sort of ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ means jack squat.

Enquiring men want to know also… (if a cheating woman can change)

can a leopard change his spots?
Are you saying that there’s some kind of “cheating gene”? That the need to cheat is hardwired into someone’s brain?

Think of how many activities you’ve tried once in your life and never repeated.
Could you (personally) smoke weed once and never do it again? Could you (personally) go bungee jumping once and never do it again?

A better question than “Can he stop cheating?” would be “Why did he cheat?”
And why is this question only asking about cheating men? What about the women?

I think there are different types of cheaters.

One kind cheats all of the time. It is completely normal to be in a serious relationship and be picking up girls on the side. This type of man in my opinion rarely if ever stops the habit of cheating.

Then there is the guy who generally is loyal and stays in long term relationships, but if after years the relationship gets difficult, or the man (can be the woman) starts to feel unnappreciated they can fall for someone who makes them feel good about themselves again. This person can change; or rather, really, the affair is the change/aberration.

He may be faithful again but not with the partner he was unfaithful to. Men don’t cheat on women they really love and respect, Sometimes they are too immature and can over time understand about honor and fidelity. Then they will be faithful to the next woman. A man who cheats has no respect for the woman and it is very unlikely he will develop respect for anyone who allows herself to be used and come back for more.

I asked about cheating men….because I am a woman attempting to understand how a man’s brain works around this issue.

Yes, I realize that there are cheating women, too. If you want to know about cheating wives, craft that question.

It was a question that was crafted deliberately with vague boundaries to elicit responses from different points of view.

Nope

Yes. people make mistakes, get older, mature and move on. If it’s a continual pattern then it’s obvious that there isn’t a real commitment or there is some other deeper problem. I don’t see any other area in a persons life where it’s a one-strike-and-you’re-out type situation (serious offenses like murder are exceptions) why should it be different with faithfulness?

When someone cheats they rarely are thinking about how it might hurt the other person, they are just thinking of themselves in my opinion. They are not purposely hurting the other person. But of course it is terribly hurtful. Frequently the person who was cheated on will say, “how can you do this to me?” The cheater probably did not feel at they time they were doing anything to their SO. Especially the first time cheater. They many times are confused by their own actions because they don’t think of themselves as cheaters.

I can’t speak for always, but I can speak for again.

My girlfriend of 6 years (well 2 at the time) decided that she wanted to try something new without telling me. When I found out about it, I left for a several days. We had some trouble getting back together but since we’ve gotten back together I’ve been 100% confident that it has not happened again.

I think the shock of leaving and her understanding the consequences of her actions led her to understand that what she did hurt me.

I think cheating is a symptom of bigger things that are wrong in a relationship. I’m not trying to blame the faithful person at all, but I’ve seen this happen so many times: After a while, a couple gets complacent, they stop communicating, or whatever, and one of them cheats. They talk about it, decide to put it in the past, and stay together, without doing anything to address the big problem. Now on top of their first problems, the faithful one is full of doubt and has trouble trusting the cheater. The cheater feels guilty, but they also feel more trapped than ever, because nothing has changed about the situation that made them first want to cheat. If the couple can’t fix their underlying problems, the situation is ripe for one of them to cheat again. Besides thinking about whether you want to forgive this person, you have to decide whether you can fix your issues, and whether you want to.

No. Lots of women want to believe they can, so they do. Men can be on better behavior for a while, but if he’s got it in him to cheat on you once he’ll do it again if you give him the chance (by staying w/ him). Especially once he sees he can get away with it….

I think there is no reason to take back a cheater, and although I do sypathize for the people who get cheated on once, I don’t feel too bad for them if they get cheated on a second time. They should’ve either gotten out of the relationship, or accepted that they’re with a cheater. Nothing to complain about if it happens to you twice.

@BBSDTfamily whoah!?!? are mens characteristics unchangeable? thats bs imho. people change all the time and they learn from mistakes especially if they see how bad they hurt someone they care about.

@jaketheripper I think people in general can choose to change some of their actions. But, cheating on someone who trusts you and that you care about is something so disgusting (imho) that it says so much about who you are as a person… since this is something people do in adulthood, they’re already a large part of “the person they are”. So, yes I feel it labels them.

@Sarcasm, to a certain extent, monogamy appears to be hormonally related in both men and women. The video series, The Science of Sex Appeal, is really interesting on subject of monogramy.
Hormones
Women and monogamy

To be blunt, the people who answer in blanket and absolute statements such as “No” or “Nope” are, in my opinion, ignorant. As has already been stated, there are at least two different kinds of “cheaters,” and situations vary greatly. If s/he is a chronic/compulsive cheater, then most likely s/he has some serious issues of their own that may not be able to be corrected without the aid of some serious therapy. If you run into this kind of cheater, then you probably can rest assured that you had little to do with his or her act of betrayal.

The others are those who find themselves in the midst of a terrible situation and often don’t know how else to cope. Many of these people are actually being abused by their current partners. (Yes, women can be abusive, too.) Many of these people are often riddled with guilt because of their “indiscretion.” Most never cheated before and will most likely never cheat again if they are lucky enough to find a positive, healthy, supportive relationship..

Lastly, if you find yourself in the unfortunate position where many of your past SOs have cheated on you, then you may need to take a long look in the mirror. In every relationship, there are two parties responsible for the direction and outcome of the relationship.

I agree with what @JLeslie has written in that a cheater may learn from and change their behaviors but it’s probably not going to benefit the current spouse. Also, what @Haleth wrote in saying unless an underlying issue is addressed and solved then all the apologies and attempted forgiveness is like throwing coins in a bucket with no bottom, useless because bitterness and seething will continue to build and the feeling of regret and being trapped with no ease, a feeling of no respect and a kind of dismissal of each other’s feelings because there isn’t any resolve.

When I cheated, my wife and I had been having sex less than once a month. I loved her, but I was going crazy, and I thought that if I found a bit of sex and love somewhere else, that would make it possible for me to stay married.

Both of us had been letting the distance between us widen. I was fairly certain that she didn’t really love me. I was afraid that if I pressed the sex issue, she’d divorce me. I felt like the best I could hope for was this corporation we formed to bring up two incredible children.

I started meeting women online, and getting into these intense virtual relationships. I actually met one of these women in real life when I attended a conference in her town.

I started riding an emotional roller coaster. Really. I fell in love and broke up with six women in six months. My psyche was getting more and more banged up, and each relationship was more intense than the prior one. I also started acting much more different at home—becoming short with our children, and incapable of keeping up with what I was supposed to be doing.

My wife started worrying, and talked to a therapist friend of hers, who told her I should be seen as soon as possible. I had scheduled an appointment for a couple of months away, but the friend said that was too long, and she got a friend of hers to see me.

It turned out that I was bipolar. So we got meds and a therapist for me, and a couples therapist for us. In that year, I discovered that my wife actually did love me! I discovered that if I did some things for her, she would feel much more loving towards me. Slowly, we began to repair things. I was really happy with what was going on.

So imagine my surprise when I found myself trying to seduce someone else! Inside my head, I was saying, “this is bad. Don’t do this. Don’t screw up your life and your marriage. Why the hell are you even considering this?” It totally freaked me out, because I knew exactly what would happen, and I couldn’t stop myself.

I called my therapist to check, because I thought I was getting manic again. She agreed, and I talked to my psychiatrist and we switched my meds. This thing truly scares me, because I know exactly what I’m doing, and I know I don’t want to do it, and yet the part of me that wants it is stronger.

I don’t understand that part. I can’t imagine what it (I) is (am) looking for. What is it that I think I need? How can this falling in love thing give me whatever that is? It’s crazy.

I see questions here all the time about whether cheaters can reform. For a long time I thought that I could say it is possible. Now? I’m not so sure—at least for me.

I think there is something driving some of us that is so powerful, it is hard to turn away. I see other people saying they just have no interest in anyone other than their spouse. To me, that feels like they get married and some switch is shut off. I wonder why that didn’t happen for me? It happened for almost two decades, and then….

People say they just choose to be monogamous, like it’s a breeze. Why isn’t that so easy for me? Why do I always seem to be looking for something else? It’s not that I don’t have love or intimacy. It’s just that I have to constantly guard against being stupid again. I hate that. I wish it were as easy for me as it seems to be for everybody else.

I want to say that cheaters can change. But I can’t use my case as evidence to support that. All I can say is that I hope people can be forgiving. It’s not about cheating for me. It’s about looking for something that is missing. It’s a demand coming from somewhere inside me, and I can’t shut it down. Not easily, anyway. I haven’t done anything, because I know the danger signs. But it scares me because it is so hard to stop it. And it is so mystifying, because I have everything I want now, with my wife.

This probably sounds crazy. I’m sure there are people out there thinking, ‘what the fuck? Just do it! What’s so hard about that?’ Maybe there are people who think I am morally defective. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m sociopathic in some way. All I know is that it is not my intention to get away with something. I wish I didn’t have these desires. I do not want to hurt my wife and children. Nor do I wish to hurt anyone who might get involved with me. And still…..

I’m pretty sure that all of us—cheaters—are different. So my story may be irrelevant to trying to explain anyone else. I think that a lot of cheating is probably driven by an existential impulse. People wanting something more than they are getting in their marriage. Most don’t want to hurt anyone, and feel guilty as hell, and end up hurting more people because of how that plays out.

In some cultures—like in France or Italy or Scandinavia—it’s not such a big deal. People think it is normal to have more than one relationship. America is not like that. Cheating is a much bigger sin here than in some other countries. That doesn’t stop it from going on.

I have to question whether it means what people think it means. It doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love your spouse. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a selfish prick just trying to get over on someone. It doesn’t necessarily mean, odd as it sounds, that you actually are a cheater.

Everybody has their own story, but few of them are told, because of the shame placed on folks who are unfaithful. The stories all sound like rationalizations, so you figure that you can safely ignore them, and just divorce his ass. Nothing matters other than he cheated. One size fits all.

Who knows? Perhaps you are all right. I’m just defective.

For the most part I agree with @galileogirl. I think men (and women obviously) can remain faithful if they love someone enough. If they cheat then chances are they just don’t love their partner enough but that doesn’t mean that they will never love someone enough to be faithful.

What @daloon has written is a great example of how not all cheaters are alike. I know a few people who are also married, love their spouses, love their families, friends and lifestyles but they are driven by adrenaline, driven by the need for more extreme stimulation than other people. They need to get continual feelings of being desired, affirmation, etc. from more than just a few important people and the excitement of forbidden sex is heady, not difficult and usually not very expensive.

We are capable of overcoming urges or the adreneline rush or whatever. No offense to anybody but I don’t understand how it can fall to once a month or less with 2 healthy adults without someone saying “Whassup?” I stayed married longer than I should have because of the sex. It was the other hours of the day that were impossible.