Is he really needing space or being nice to let me go?

it sounds like you’re crowding him. have faith that if it was meant to be and you are for each other it will work out. maybe it won’t work out and maybe you won’t mind that. who knows – only time will tell. in the meantime enjoy the relationship and try to find some other hobbies or something to keep you busy and not acting desperate.

by the way, where do you live? are you in the US? you seem to have an “accent.”

thankyou for the advise.i appreciate it. Its rare when that happens and he said the same.So I am trying to trust and keep bz, hoping that he is as real as he seems to be. Im not desperate , but maybe it does come across that way to him just wanting to be reassured its real on his side too is… US yes…..

Give it time! step back and let him show interest in you now. You’ve already let him know where you stand.

I agree that you should try your best to step back for a while. I wouldn’t necessarily take it as an insult though. Think of it this way: Do you really think you will be happy with someone who “needs space” from you? Maybe it’s as simple as he is trying to get settled… but I would make sure and watch out for my own personal interest as well ;) Good luck!

He’s just not that into you. If he were, he’d want to move on this as fast as you do. He’d want to shout from the rooftops “This is the one.” He’s not.

Step back. Think about it. You want love and commitment. You found someone that appears to not want to commit.

He’s being nice.

thanks shock – Thats what I guess I have a hard time with. If he was sooo into me why would it be me that he needs space from. I know he is trying to settle, get a job in this touch economy, moved here, as his x took his 4 yr old and left state to here, he is an awesome DAD. I know we were both wanting to be NOW for the both of us, and that we were both moving way to fast realistickly. And I want to believe he’s just being a good man and taking a time to get things in order to have that.

menekali – Doesnt want to hurt me , but let me go kind of nice or what?? Why would he keep responding that we’ll talk soon and maybe we can get together next week. Is he just keeping me around for back up ? I asked him – hoping I would just get an honest answer, thats all. And it would be ok either way, better to know now right. When he said neither . Im assumming he’s still on the same page

@faithful8901 Nukie. You are back up nukie.

don’t know if you had sex yet and i’m not asking but if you did, too soon, this may be why the stand-offish attitude from him.

Wow, discussing finances and debt on you first date, exclusivity on your second! Please don’t take this personally, but I’d be backing off, too. That is moving wayyy too fast.

I’m with @syz. Maybe he didn’t like your answers about your finances and debts. He could be trying to find someone that is financially able to take care of him since he doesn’t have a job.

It sounds like he has a difficult decision to make.

Let him think it through and if he comes back, you’re getting somewhere but if he doesn’t come back, then it was never going to be. For example, I wouldn’t want to start a relationship with someone locally if I knew I might be moving out of state for a job in 2–3 months.

I wouldn’t be sharing any financial information at a first meeting. You make the comment that he is an “awesome Dad”, have you seen him with his child or are you simply making that assumption as a result of what he has told you? I am wondering if you are only seeing what you want to see…

Second date, and you’re asking him if you’re going to be exclusive? Is your name Kudzu?

It does sound like things moved pretty fast. Maybe he was okay with that at the time, because he is attracted to you, but with more time to reflect, he’s saying to himself “Whoa, hold on! I can’t rush into this… it doesn’t just affect me, it affects my child too.”

Another possibility (and sorry if this hurts), since you mentioned you were both on a dating site, is that he’s also met someone else, and wants more time to be able to pursue things with her too, while he figures out who he likes best…

I have no real ability to say what he’s thinking. I’m not a mind-reader and assuming gets you nowhere.

All of that aside- is this what you want? Do you want someone who feels that you’re moving too fast? Do you want someone who needs space away from you because they don’t have a job?

Yes there are less available men as we get older- but it doesn’t mean there isn’t more fish in the sea.

Your criteria sound like you want someone who is monogomous, stable and fun-loving. If this guy isn’t measuring up then why are you waiting for him?

It sounds like he might have been pretty into you at first, but you scared him off by talking about finances on the first date and exclusivity on the second. Talking about dating exclusively is the dreaded “talk”- it’s tough to talk about it even when you’re farther into establishing a relationship, never mind on the second date. I like being able to date more than one person, but I’ll never sleep with someone unless we’ve agreed to be exclusive. (Other people might feel differently; I do this for health reasons.) Dating around makes it easier to see people realistically instead of going overboard on one person.

So anyway, it seems like this guy liked you from the start. He asked if you had to live where you were- does that mean he was trying to hint at moving in together? But you didn’t really know him very well and started pursuing him way too much, which freaked him out. I don’t know why he is still responding to your messages at this point; maybe he is really passive or too polite to hurt your feelings. If I were you I’d stop messaging him and try to meet some other guys on the dating site, get involved in some interesting activities, and generally do things that will make you happy and independent. If you are still thinking about him in a few weeks or months, and he doesn’t take any initiative to contact you, send him a message saying that you thought you two had a good connection, but things got off to the wrong start. By giving him some space, you may be able to get him back.

It might be helpful for you to check out The Rules. There are a lot of things I don’t like about this book; the number one thing is that it’s very centered on marriage, but the idea of dating by rules is also offensive, and a lot of it is old-fashioned. (Full disclosure, one of the authors also just got a divorce.) There are some good messages to take away from it if you take their advice with a grain of salt. Basically they are telling women to use self-restraint when dating- to not call a guy all the time, not see him at a drop of a hat, and not to pressure him into getting serious too soon. The idea is that if you chase him too much, you will always wonder if he is really interested, which will mess with your self-assurance. They also advise women to be “happy and busy” and to get a life outside of men, and I can’t argue with that!

Edit: It can be hard to not talk to a guy when you’re thinking about him all the time. I went kind of psycho on a guy a few years ago, and I can’t even really explain why I did it. I mean, not boiled bunny psycho, but freaking almost.