Is it wrong to not want someone taking care of a family member because of the contents on their Facebook?

um…I probably wouldn’t want her taking care of my sister either

not at all, I would be concerned
I would try to find someone more mature to care for my sister

Sounds like she is dealing with her issues in a very not healthy way. She sounds possibly depressed. I think you should take care of her and talk with her. Find out why she feels she needs to post trash like that.

ew. keep her far, far away

I’m in agreement with @patg7590 and @sarahny. I’d definitely find someone else. However, I don’t think it’s fair to judge someone based on what you find on their Facebook. It’s personal and it doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t a compassionate, mature person while she is caring for someone.

Couldn’t you ask to see some references?

personally I would be concerned… I had a similar experience with my brother who is severely autistic…. I came across his new aide’s myspace and it was pretty similar to what you’re describing. Of course I can’t predict anything about your situation… but in my circumstance, the aide turned out to be very immature, neglectful, and definitely sub-par for the standards that my family has for my brother. We fired her ASAP and never regretted it. The main concern should without a doubt be the patient, not the crazy aide ;)

@acidlogik My parents found her through the care provider agency we found the last aide through.. they do the background check.

@shockrocks I’m glad someone understands the main issue from experience.

Not at all wrong. I wouldn’t want somebody like that taking care of a family member either. If it really bothers you bring it up with the agency who hired her.

It’s not wrong, but I personally wouldn’t judge someone for what they do when they are not at work..unless it was morally wrong.

I know plenty of nurses, and I’m friends with them on Facebook. They are young, some are single with no families (no children) so they have pictures of them partying. They are all great nurses, but like to have fun when not at work. I see nothing wrong with it.

I can understand why you are concerned and I probably would be too but I do also agree with @acidlogik that it’s dangerous to judge someone just based on Facebook (or other internet networks) and that is why I think Facebook stalking is pretty much always dangerous. I would imagine that the majority of people who can view her Facebook page are considered friends and so she is a bit more relaxed and probably very different with them than she ossibly would be with your sister.

I think maybe you should give her a chance and keep a watchful eye on her because her professional life may very well be totally different to her personal life. Like @casheroo just said, perfectly good nurses like to party too. After all they are human.

Hopefully the agency wouldn’t have hired her if they thought she couldn’t do the job (after all this is a job dealing with peoples lives and emotions) and so if you feel really worried about the fact it may be worth speaking to them and finding out a bit more about her professional life.

I think the best thing is to be guarded about her until she proves that she is good enough bdon’t judge her just because of Facebook.

Uh, I see lots of things wrong with EXOTIC, HUSTLA, DAT BOTTOM TYPE CHIC YA DIg? The least of which being that it makes her look and sound like an air bubble.

I don’t know, I’d probably be worried too. But those things are her personal life, she could still be very good at her job. That’s a tough situation.

I can only mirror what holden has said. I would NOT want her taking care of any family member of mine! It’s true, she does have a private life & what she posts on her pages is her business, but it also reflects her personality. I’d RUN, not walk, to find your sister someone else to care for her!

1) It is ridiculous to judge someone’s work ethic or ability to perform by their facebook or myspace.

2) The “EXOTIC, HUSTLA…” etc., etc., could be lyrics or something—there’s no guarantee that she made that up to describe herself.

3) Confront her about it and see what she says before you made a decision…

It’s difficult, my first thought would be that yes you are right and you should look for another aide, on the other hand she may just be one of those people that are a bit of a dick in their social life and nothing but 100% professional in their work life. The important thing here is if you, your family and your sister feel comfortable with her. If you don’t then I think you know the answer.

I don’t think that you can ever be “wrong” to err on the side of caution when it comes to someone who is taking care of your family

I think that I would be cautious about this person, but be willing to give her a chance. Is she imitating a style that she has heard or is she living the life of someone who is “exotic, hustla,” etc.?

How has her work with your sister been thus far? Do you see any signs of neglect? I don’t know your sister’s communication ability, but can she tell you what happens? Can you or some people that you trust do spot checks on your sister and the aide? How about a hidden camera or cameras? (Expensive, though it may give you some piece of mind.)

While I would certainly be worried about the image that she portrays on Facebook, I would also want to give her a chance to prove herself as an employee.

My sister can’t communicate at all, so besides basically spying on her, there’s no way of knowing. She has only been here for three days, but I really don’t want to even take a chance.. My sister means too much to me.

@rangerr Then definitely go with your gut! No doubt!

That would give me reason for more concern, rangerr. If your sister can’t speak up for herself, I would have more misgivings.

It’s not wrong. She sounds like an idiot.

@rangerr then that settles it. If you don’t trust this person then don’t give her a chance. Better to go with your instincts on this one.

Alright. Just wanted to get other opinions before I started convincing my mom to kick her out. She’s pressed on the saying that you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover though, so I’m not too sure how it’s gonna work.

If everyone was judged based on the content of their Facebook profile, 95% of the U.S. workforce would be unemployed. Hyperbole, but I honestly think you’re pre-judging here.

I know tons of people who speak like that on Facebook and they are kind, normal people. Text/hood speak is socially normal for someone in their teens/early twenties. I say use your judgment here; if she sounds like an idiot regularly in real life, then ditch her. If she’s normal in person, then her Facebook is just an electronic, social facade for her friends.

There is a saying that my grandfather used to tell me….
Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
I’d be concerned. It’s possible that she’s the best at her job but do you really want to roll the dice?

Here’s the problem with books and covers, many times, it’s all we have to go on! And what is this book’s cover presenting to you? An image of maturity, responsibility and capability? No. If people think that employers aren’t checking Facebook, MySpace and Google prior to hiring, they need to think again.

We just had an incident at school where a student made highly unflattering and inaccurate statements about an instructor. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I hope that it will be taken seriously.

@tedibear39 while we’re at it, let’s expel the 5th graders who write “mr. roberts is teh gay” in the back of their notebooks.

ew, I’m with @pinkparaluies

Honestly, if you are uncomfortable with the idea of this person taking care of your sister, then don’t be afraid to pre-judge. This is not her hairdresser, this is someone entrusted with her life. She has shown that she does not have the sense of discretion you would like a professional caretaker to have. Don’t give her the chance to prove your other suspicions about her right.

It’s reason to be concerned, and to make sure that she really does do a good job caring for your sister. But if you find that she does do a good job, it’s not reason enough on its own to get rid of her. Have you considered the fact that the field she works in can be very emotionally stressful and serious? Maybe she acts a little more wild on her own time than she otherwise might, exactly because she needs to release that stress…?

It’s also distinctly possible—maybe even likely—that the act she puts on for her friends on Facebook is exactly that: an act. Being a full-time caregiver is a very down-to-earth occupation, so the wild child image she portrays on FB may just be her way of living wild without actually living wild, if you know what I mean. Talking the talk, not walking the walk. Like a guy who raves about how much he loves the freedom of being single, and how he can’t just be with one chick, and he can come and go as he pleases, etc. When the reality is, he spends most nights home alone eating from a can and watching reruns on TV…

I could have added earlier that she hasn’t been around people with seizures before.
My mom thinks she should be fine [sister has well over 500 small seizures a day.. very rarely is it cause for panic].
So @derekfnord, from my view, she hasn’t had much experience in this field TO be stressed about it.

@rangerr Obviously, you have first-hand knowledge of her and I don’t. Honestly, just the fact that she has no experience dealing with people with seizures would be reason enough for me to be concerned about her caring for my sister alone, Facebook or no Facebook…

Since when does one’s personal life have anything to do with their professional ethic?

If they cross paths, then sure, that’s a valid argument (unless you’re Doctor House) I’m willing to have. But from what I gather, there is no evidence that she is irresponsible or otherwise unfit to care for @rangerr‘s sister. She set up a profile on Facebook for her friends, not so that her employers can see and make judgment on. You can find some sort of dirt on anyone if you dig hard enough.

You guys ever get shit faced on a Tuesday and show up hung over on Wednesday, yet make it through the day no problems? Do you have sex on a regular basis, or with multiple partners, ever? How’d you like it if your employer found out and said, “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to fire you, thus destroying your only source of income because I believe that what you do on your own time – something that doesn’t affect me, my business or your work – is distasteful.”

You all are acting like she’s a serial killer. She speaks like that either because that’s the environment she was raised in or she’s still young. I’m going to be controversial here and go a step forward to say that this stems from prejudice, a fear of where she comes from. It’s her personal life, stay out of it, unless you find out she’s doing something illegal.

Your sister’s life is valuable, @rangerr, and I understand and accept that. But by saying that she’s unfit for her job – something I expect she was trained and qualified for – is ridiculous. Like I said, use knowledge of her in the classical world, not the electronic one.

@rangerr that sounds awful. I’m sorry she has to deal with that.
@Grisaille I don’t think she’s a serial killer. She could be the nicest person in the world and have an excellent work record. I’m just encouraging @rangerr to go with his instincts and err on the side of caution.

Many employers nowadays are using social networking sites as indicators of a potential employees personality and sense of responsibility. If I had that type of material on my site I would make it private and I would not allow my employer to be added to my site. I do not think it is inappropriate of you to have concerns about your sister’s aide after viewing this. I do however think it is better to not pass judgment without talking with her about it first. That is what a responsible employer would do.

Perhaps though your parents think this new aide’s spunk will somehow help your sister?

I wouldn’t want her. She shows bad judgement. @Grisaille I agree that private life is separate from work, but if you put that shit on the internet it is public.

@Grisaille People should be smart enough to know that nothing is private. They way a person speaks and the words they choose to use say a lot about them. If she wants to be seen as someone who can effectively take care of another person, she shouldn’t speak like a hood rat with no sense.

@Facade @JLeslie GA

@rangerr Who was this aide hired through? If it’s any sort of a company, this should be reported to the director of said company immediately.

@JLeslie I agree wholeheartedly; you and I understand that fully.

However, this is a per-case basis – I’m going to go ahead and say she’s a simple person. Not stupid or unqualified – but simple, and not fully realizing what she’s doing. The reason why I’m empathizing so vehemently in her favor is not because I care about her or her income, I realize that it doesn’t occur to many people that, “oh, someone might see me having fun with my friends” – middle fingers and all.

I’d even go so far as to say that if she was taking a hit from a bong, then I’d say get rid of her. But she isn’t. It sounds rather tame, if you ask me. There is a difference between being provocative and vulgar and being illegal and irresponsible. @rangerr and his/her mother would surely have caught if she dropped the f-bomb in front of them – she obviously didn’t, and thus knows how to turn it off and behave semblant of professional.

@Facade She’s speaking online, to her friends, obviously not realizing that her client’s son/daughter will be investigating their personal life profile. Why is this even a issue?

I fully understand the argument that she “should have more sense” that a Facebook profile is able to be seen by pretty much anyone, but as I said above – not everyone is able to connect the dots. Again, as I said, if she is able to turn her personal facade off (or her professional facade on, whatever), is obviously qualified, then why is it our business what she speaks like outside of her job?

@Grisaille This aide is responsible for the life of @rangerr‘s sister. This isn’t a dog watcher we’re discussing. If she’s on FB while taking care of @rangerr‘s sister, that already causes concern…Putting a patient’s picture on a website, and typing “dirty” things are a personal violation, and a violation of her job duties. I think may also fall under HIPAA.

I wasn’t aware that she was on logging in when she’s supposed to be working, honestly. Nor did I know she was putting a patient’s picture on a website.

Am I missing something here?

I’m serious, I had no clue any of that was happening.

@Grisaille bottom line, it makes @rangerr uncomfortable so something is clearly wrong with the situation.

@Grisaille I must have missed that part as well. That would change my opinion, but I didn’t read she was doing that.

also as confused as @Grisaille and @casheroo

@casheroo That obviously makes a huge difference. If that’s the case, then forget everything I said.

@rangerr I told ya exactly what she was… Shes just after an easy pay check. She’s gonna be one of those kinds of people that isnt really gonna care, shes gonna half ass everything, and when she messes something up, shes not going to care.
If ya want i can let you borrow my camera, to set up in some unseen vantage point in “Kimmie’s room”.

I can understand your not wanting to be seen as a judgemental person, but where your sister’s well being is concerned, you just can’t be too careful. You should be able to feel completely comfortable with the person who is in charge of taking care of your sister, and since she can’t speak for herself, I too would find someone else ASAP.

My brother was a quadrapeligec, and my sister-in-law decided to hire someone similar to the person you spoke about to help with his care. she thought she was doing a good thing by giving someone of “colorful personality” a break.

That woman not only stole quite a few things from the house, but she scalded my brother’s face when bathing him, because she was in a hurry one day to finish up so she could go to a party. She didn’t bother to check the water temp when washing his face, and didn’t pay attention to the look of pain on his face while she did it. (he was unable to speak also.) I think you should go with your gut on this one, and find someone else. it might be different if your sister could tekll you if something was wrong, but since she can’t, i wouldn’t take the risk.

Wow! She doesn’t sound like someone I would want watching over my disabled family member. I would hire someone different.

@Grisaille, Let’s not. When I say “school” I’m talking about adults, not 5th graders and I’m speaking of libelous, potentially professionally damaging remarks. This instructor is not just an instructor, she is also a professional in her field. Her reputation could be jeopardized by these comments. And yes, there are at least two people in her field that are “Facebook friends” of the student in question.

@rangerr – I don’t think you said that the person was logging on to Facebook while caring for your sister, did you?

Kick her to the curb.

I really can’t think of anything posted on any social network that is so explicit, so vile or shocking as to where it’d be career damaging to anyone. If we are in fact speaking of adults, then why would a falsehood be considered absolute without regard to the opposing position?

Even accusations of relations with a student would be investigated properly, handled and forgotten by everyone if proven to be false. You know, like adults do.

A) My knee-jerk reaction would be: Fire her.
B) My better judgment kicks in: Don’t fire her unless she actually gives you a work-related reason to.
C) Further information (the fact that your sister is unable to communicate): Damn. I’m back to A): Fire her.

@augustlan Thanx for making me laugh. Actually I love your reasoning there but it also made me smile.

I never said she was logging in while at work or posting pictures.. That confused me too.

Facebook is not intended to be in any way anonymous. Users know this. I’ve been warned up and down my my employer to be careful what I post on my Facebook page. I was warned throughout college that social networking sites are a new and useful tool for employers and potential employers to use to evaluate employees.

Personally, I wouldn’t hire this girl to take care of my dog, much less my sibling, if her Facebook profile is as ridiculous as you describe.

@rangerr Eh, even still. I think I’ve had a change of heart. Still split on the issue, but I don’t know.

Speak to your mother about this. Really, none of us can help you here. I know people who write like that yet have hearts of gold. Perhaps I’m being naive.

@scamp What a horror story. I’m so sorry for your brother. This goes to show that careful screening is a must.

Another thing to remember is, depending on what the laws are where you live you may need a better reason than “she comes across as being an idiot on Facebook” in order to fire her otherwise she could take you to court for unfair dismissal. I know that could happen where I live.

I may be missing something but I haven’t seen any mention of what she is like as a person. You say she has been with you three days already, your mum seems to be fairly accepting of her so I am assuming that so far she has done nothing else to worry you too much?

@Leanne1986 I’ve been at class/work when she has been here. I talked to her for about 30 seconds yesterday when I told her that her hoop earrings and lip ring probably wouldn’t last long if my sister got her hand near her face. She looked pretty pissed at me.. but I had to go to class so I didn’t get to talk to her any more than that. So I don’t know what she is like.. but I just really don’t want to wait to find out. I put my sisters safety ahead of being fair.

@rangerr It seems that you have made your decision already and like others have said, it may be worth trusting your gut instinct but you will also have to consider your mother’s feelings on this aswell and if she has seen this girl work more than you have it might be worth giving her a chance.

@rangerr the plot just keeps getting thicker. I hope your mother agrees with you& that you get rid of her ASAP. The fact that it pissed her off about the earrings shows that she’s not going to take criticism well. If something bad happens, you may have a fight on your hands. Please move on to someone else while you can.

Quick update- Apparently my mom took the aide to the doctors with them today, so she spent time with her in the car. My mom got offended when I told her my concerns and said I shouldn’t judge based on her profile and that I should get to know her.

She arranged a time for me to teach her to drive a stick-shift so we could get to know each other.

face palm.

@rangerr What??? OMG! This surely puts you in a terrible position. I’d like to be a fly on the car roof for THIS one!!! :-(

What makes people think they can volunteer others for things?! I may be overreacting but it pisses me off.

@Facade If you’re overreacting, I’m committing a crime.

Oh, OK. Just checking. I hope you are able to get out of it (if you want).

@rangerr I can understand why you would be pissed off with your mum volunteering your services but have you not thought that maybe you should consider the fact that your mum might be a decent judge of character. If she’s spent time with this girl and is trusting this girl around her daughter then maybe she’s not so bad after all.

@rangerr her mom sits around and plays diablo II and rune scape all day

shes not a good good judge of anything XD

You know, it’s annoying that you have been volunteered to teach this person to drive a stick-shift, but it may be an opportunity to engage her in conversation. This might allay some of your concerns. Or confirm them. Either way, it could be helpful.

@tedibear39 I was thinking the same thing. Moms are always annoying now and again but hey in this case there is a clear positive.

set a trap so that she crashes the car
problem solved

@patg7590 Except I’m teaching her to drive said car. I’ll be in it..

@rangerr—You’re getting the hang of this! Hey, why don’t you take her for a spin around the block, drop me off here, I just have to use the bathroom…

@patg7590 This will have to be after we stop using my car.

OH! That would mean I’d get a new car. Goodbye, brakes.

@rangerr – I haven’t said it yet, but keep meaning to. Whatever happens, I hope it will be what’s best for your sister.

@rangerr Go with your gut… read the book “Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker I just started reading it and so many things he says make sense…

Update: She’s still around. Mom doesn’t seem to think her profile is wrong.
Though she didn’t like that she asked me to take a smoke break.. but she’s still pressed on the fact that I’m being paranoid..

(hates that @rangerr has more lurve than me and has only been here since the 13th…..)

@rangerr use the driving lesson as a chance to tell her you know about the profile, and will be watching her like a hawk. At least that way, if she is as hokey as you think, she will know that someone is watching her every move. Hopefully, either she will quit on her own, or watch her p’s and q’s. Also, can you get a screenshot of her profile and fax it to her employers annonomously?

@rangerr – This comment is specifically about the hoop earrings. I am in school with a woman who is a nurse, as well as a nursing instructor. She has also taught nurses’ aides and home health aides. The standard that she learned and that she teaches is one small post or small hoop earring per ear. That’s for the aide’s safety as well as the patient’s.