Is it routine that 12 step programs ask the addict to cut out all friends and lovers from their lives?

Usually they strongly discourage the formation of new romantic relationships. If an existing lover is tied to their addiction or problem (or is an enabler), they might also encourage the cessation of that relationship. Otherwise, unless you’re the one enabling, you probably don’t have much to worry about.

Be prepared to see him/her change, though, assuming he/she lets the program work for him…/her.

One of the big steps for anyone recovering from an addiction is to no longer associate with people or places that they relate to that addiction. This means they’ll be asked to really decide who these people are and where these places are. It is possible that your friend would somehow associate you with their addiction. But if you aren’t then you probably have no need to worry. Just in case though, and as a good friend, you may tell your friend you completely support them and hope that when they are thinking of those who support their addiction you aren’t included.

I am relatively new to my friend’s life and didn’t know what all things they had on their plate but I have been supportive and up until now assumed I’ve been a more positive influence rather than negative but who knows how they’ll dissect me once in that particular group. gah. I have two vices (cigarettes and alcohol) and gave up the alcohol the very day they announced they were going to, it’s no big deal to me- I’d give up the cigarettes too if it would help them but somehow I don’t think what I give up really matters right now. It’s my selfishness, my love with this person that I don’t want to lose and be told I can’t have any longer. It’s paranoia setting in, a new realm I’m not familiar with and now not welcome or privy to. Maybe it’s normal to feel like this, happy and sad at the same time?

@hungryhungryhortence I don’t think they will do any personal disicting of you unless for some reason your friend feels the need to.

It is very normal to feel both happy and sad at the same time when someone you care for is going through something like this. I think your questioning of it really shows you care. Just continue to be aware of what is going on. And please don’t engage in your alcohol addiction around your friend. I really don’t think you have to worry about losing them if you are a good influence and make it clear to your friend that you want to stay that way. You must communicate. Ultimately thought it will be your friends decision.

Only those that hurt more than help. People they use with, people who make life difficult and might stress the addict into using… That kind of thing. They might take some time to assess relationships and not really be available (also changing behaviors), but its unlikely that they would cut off a relationship with someone who helps more than hurts their sobriety.

Thank you guys for putting reason out where I can read it over and over again tonight.

youre supposed to stay away from all people, places, things, of getting high. This usually includes friends and lovers. So that’s why they encourage that.

No, most encourage no major changes for the first year unless there are relationships that are part of the addiction and/or triggers. Those are encouraged to be dropped for ones own survival.

I think it’s routine but you can’t have anything whatsoever to do with old friends that use drugs or alcohol? If it were me I think I’d talk to them on the phone anyway. I’d have to be in that position to really know how much I’d go along with this rule.