How to stop being so angry about my past?

First of all, I’m really sorry that it happened to you. No one deserves that kind of thing from anyone.

You have to learn to forgive him, though. I actually learned this from a Madea movie, of all things. I’ll even share the quote with you, because I keep it on my bulletin board so that I see it every morning.

Forgiveness is for yourself, not for the person you are forgiving. Why toss and turn and stress over something when the person who did it is sleeping soundly in their bed? A valuable lesson and one that we should remember. The most important thing that I learned in growing up is that forgiveness is something that, when you do it, you free yourself to move on.

Isn’t that true? Forgiveness is not for the person, it’s for you so you can begin to let go.
Oh, and try therapy so you can help getting over your trust issues. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have them – I’m saying that you can get rid of them, but you have to be willing to forgive.

deep breath
look in mirror
“today is gonna be a good day. He cant hurt me, i wont let him. He cant effect me, i wont let him. Im going to live my life again.”

every morning
over a bit of time
youll wake up
annoyed that you have to repeat this every morning
and instead, youll wash your face, kiss your (wo)man, and have a great fucking day.

@ItalianPrincess1217 I was abused as a child (mostly verbally). You will never forget it, and the nightmares may return.

I think to heal yourself, you will need a few therapy sessions or a few books to help you work through this fact: You were a victim. You are not one now.

You are currently allowing the abuser to win. He’s still controlling your thoughts. I agree with @troubleinharlem, you will need to forgive for you. There are some good books for this.

If you can visualize him just standing in a room with you. You are facing him. You say to him something to the effect of “I have moved on. I have learned a valuable lesson from your actions toward me. I now forgive you. I wish for you the best in your life.

You may need to practice the above more than once to feel it “work”. I’ve had to do this for a few choice people from my past. It is not easy, either. I now harbor no ill-will toward them (as I once definitely did).

Anger takes valuable energy from TODAY.

Do not let your past trauma BE your identity.

You deserve this new life.

Allow yourself to embrace it and not be shackled by ghosts or the ghosts of the past will undermine and destroy your present and future.

That’s an awful thing to have to go through! You might want to consider some short term therapy to deal with the residual fear and self-guessing. I also imagine your body holds some memory of the trauma so some body work therapy may be helpful for that. I wouldn’t worry about forgiveness yet, that may come or it may not, but do work on yourself so you can enjoy the lovely new relationship you have and the upcoming wedding!

I am so incredibly sorry that any sad-excuse of a human would ever do that to you or anyone! It angers me to the core >:(

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship before I met my SO. Nothing compared to what you went through but this is what I did. I wrote him a letter. Telling him how little he means, how pathetic he is to have dominated me like that, how I did not deserve his bull-crap and how I am letting go, moving on and never thinking about something as low as a creature like him. I let it all out scribbled down in my own hand-writing. By the time I was done I had written 12 pages. I cried, I got super pissed, laughed at the great names I made up to call him and finally peace and calm.

I took that letter burnt it to a crisp (burn it in something you can bury and has no meaning to you I just bought a little wooden box) and buried the ashes in some random meaningless place, walked away and moved on.

You are better, you deserve better and you have a beautiful life ahead of you with a man you love and who loves you back.

@ElleBee letter writing is so healing for me too

Thanks @SpatzieLover <3 I know it doesn’t work for everyone but it has brought me so much peace and relief in my life. – LB

@ElleBee it helped me a lot as a child, too. Now it helps if I journal things that have brought up or stirred old emotions or memories I don’t want to dwell on

Anger is a normal reaction to this. Let yourself be angry. That is absolutely okay.

But also consider that anger always hides another emotion. Fear likely being one of those. I’m betting that vulnerability is another. You could probably make a list. Dealing with those underlying emotions is a bit more difficult than dealing with the anger.

You really have to find a way to create safety for yourself (in the way you feel even if you are already physically safe) so that you can live more in the present. Without feeling safe it is understandable that you hang onto the past.

A therapist would be able to help substantially or even a support group, if you find the right one, that is key.

Again I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. No one deserves it and it is not your fault.

I am so sorry for the hurt this man caused you. I am glad you found someone who is taking care of you, as any partner should.
There is no disgrace in going to therapy. I have done it several times to cope with problems I have had. It’s good to get a tune up every once in a while.

what a fucker
karma will get him
don’t you worry
focus on the future
and try hypnotherapy

Counselling/Therapy is the best place to start in my opinion
It has taught me a lot..
To allow myself to be angry and to find acceptable ways to release that anger
To realise that the story of what happened is not who I am…
To be responsible for the part that I played in the abuse
To seek self worth and self love and acceptance
To empathize with others and through that find compassion for myself

blah blah blah

just go stab him with an ice pick….