Why is it that as we grow older, we are less willing to think or admit "love"?

What? I’m 66 years old and I am not any less willing to say I am in love with my husband. Who is this ‘we’ you are speaking of and how old is ‘we’?

Caution, experience, the odds. The older you get then the greater chance there is you’ve experienced several loves, most of which don’t work out to your satisfaction and you try to be more cautious, more observant, find more assurances before baring yourself.

I am not that way at all. I find myself wanting to fall in love, I just think that we may be more cautious about it because we have gotten hurt so many times. The first time you fall in love, you’re care-free and have no expectancies…I find that it is hard not to put those expectancies on a new relationship once youve already been in love.

It’s a nice feeling but..you know, you’ve been married for ten years, it’s become companionable and have no intention of getting a divorce, well, you just have to quit thinking about that crazy infatuated love feeling that you can get with a new partner.

That feeling of love is a few neuro chemicals having a party in your cerebrial cortex. There are triggers to activate this. One for many is anxiety, which is why we feel so infatuated with a new person, there is sexual anxiety plus a little from not knowing the person. As you get comfortable with someone it is harder to recreate the same feelings.

As I have grown older, love has become more important to me. Over the last year and a half, I have been working very hard, together with my wife, to rebuild our love. It was easy for me, because I never stopped loving her, but we did have to rebuild trust. Now, it is much better, and we can express our love without feeling pressured. It is a womderful thing.

@daloon Glad to hear that…...

@Oddless:Please don’t include me in that “we.” Aren’t you really asking about your own emotions? You need to do some self-examination, perhaps with some objective/professional assistance.

@gailcalled Ah!

I am the opposite. I am more willing to love. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also grown more confident and finally have learned to love myself. I am far less insecure or afraid of rejection, because I know that who I am, whether within or without a relationship, is stable and strong.

So I second @gailcalled‘s suggestion that you step back from the idea of pursuing relationships to re-examine your priorities, fears, and intentions. This can be done on your own through journalling and reading. But if you feel that your insecurities are dysfuntional, then professional help may be warranted.

Lurve to those who pointed out that the infatuation rush of a new romance can not last… it is the “newness” factor that creates it, and many times, it has nothing to do with true, unconditional love. But with real love, a much deeper bond and attraction develops over time and with trust and communication. It is taking that leap of faith that is often the scariest, as one transitions from butterflies when you get together, to maintaining an attraction when you’re at the stage of leaving the bathroom door open.

I don’t think it’s harder to fall in love as you grow older. I do think it’s harder to become infatuated. I used to almost always have a crush or two going when I was younger. The excitement and drama is kind of fun, but there is a lot of pain to go with it. Most of us become better at certain things as we grow older, like analyzing situations and reading people, and we become more confident. So it’s easier to see someone’s flaws instead of being blindsided by all their good qualities, and harder to develop these feelings for just anyone.

Every heartbreak leaves calluses that make it harder and harder to open up completely.

@delirium I have not found that to be true. Some people are always willing to risk for that reward. The only difference is that when you are older, you have learned that you can survive if the relationship doesn’t work out. I think it probably depends on how important love is to you. For some people—it is what makes it possible to carry on. Others—seem to be able to do just find without a love relationship.

I don’t know how to explain it. I know plenty of people who have remained single until their 50s. Who knows how much longer they will remain unattached? Myself? I can’t imagine not being in a love relationship. I think I would get very depressed without one—so much so that I might even stop caring about living.

Not true for me, but perhaps some people feel embarrassed about being in love with “the one and only” for the 5th time or so. How many “one and onlys” can you have?

@Jack79: every “one” is different, every “one” is special, every “one” deserves to be loved as though they’ve been the “only” one.