Does virginity define a girl's value?

Sex is usually terrible these days. So many people have sex with strangers when so many things could go wrong. You’ve never had an STD from being a virgin, never have been used or had your heart broken. I’m very jealous! Commendable indeed :)

Hello @higherground welcome to Fluther!
My wife and I just got married two months ago yesterday and were both virgins.
I think that it is a reverence found mostly in generations past, and I see no reason that it should be embarrassing or shameful, yet I style my incriminating text as a whisper all the same.

So I guess I’m not sure why it’s looked down on Uncool to some perhaps?

Surely you know what the custom is in the West? Some religions believe people should wait for marriage to have sex, but most people have sex long before they get married. Certainly, among a substantial portion of the population, virginity is not a consideration at all.

Anyway, within the group of people I hang out with, lack of virginity is not interpreted as cheap and loose. Different cultures have different beliefs. For some, a girl is just for bearing the man’s children. Her virginity is crucial in order to guarantee that she is having her husband’s children.

In the West, we see women’s value much differently. Their brains and earning capacity are important, along with personality and looks. Mostly, we do not measure a woman’s worth by her virginity, although, of course, there is a portion of the population that still sees women as property or sees virginity as a requirement.

Absolutely not. First of all, I hate to think that people have an arbitrary value. People are who they are. Sex isn’t the only thing that matters about a person. Who they are, how they interact with other people and the world around them, and what they do with their life is what matters most.

What do you think? That’s what matters first.

@pinkparaluies You could always stop having sex if you want. That’s kind of the same thing.

It has its pros and its cons, personally i don’t think it’s fair to expect a girl to be a virgin while expecting the very opposite from men (and don’t tell me people tell the same to boys, i know better. Or at the very least boys don’t plain to follow that advice).

On the pro side: you avoid STDs and you might be somewhat more likely to find men more interested to long term comminttment after word gets around you’re not “open for business” untill marriage (either them or males wh love the challange of getting you deflowered before marriage).

On the con side: assuming you don’t divorce you’ll never know how good is actually your partner since you will not have any past experience to compare, furthermore you will have to make up for all the inexperience in a period of your life where it’s harder to explore your body (early teen being one of the best periods for it, and going downhill from there) which is a rather though task since being good at sex requires a really high level of bodily knowledge perception (meaning, since i don’t know if that’s the corect term for it, that you need to be really in touch with the sensatiosn your body feels you should be able to relax, and so on).

But no, definitvely it doesn’t determine your value at all. That’s what brains are for, not hymens.

It drives me bonkers that “people” put so much value into virginity. I don’t feel, in any way what so ever, that a woman’s virginity should ever define her worth.

I think that this is something that should be up to the girl/woman. It is your body and you need to do what makes you happy <3

I don’t like them loose :(

These are important cultural markers. In some cultures a premature or unapproved loss of virginity may cost a woman her life.

Here in the States, research has shown that young adults who are taught abstinence more often than not have premarital intercourse. (This was Sarah Palin’s strategey, and she has an unmarried daughter with a baby.)

I was a young man in the late 1960s, when the usual experience in my cohort was to have many and fluid sexual relationships. We would never have considered the loss of virginity to have devalued anyone, but of course this is my ethno- and demo-centric view.

In your culture it may be critical, and you may be entirely normative. It sounds that way from what you have said. I certainly wouldn’t feel any pressure to change your behavior if you hold those beliefs, nor would I fault you for losing your virginity if you determined for yourself that it is not important to you to be a virgin bride.

oh, no, @janbb is coming.

Not to be critical of you for asking, but I hate the way this question is posed. The idea of a woman (or anyone’s) value or self-worth being defined by their sexual status is anathema to me. While I realize it is a concept held on to in many cultures, it comes with a lot of heartache and damage (if not murder) to many women. Have sex, don’t have sex – do what’s important to you.

Thank you all for the answers (=

Yes of course, I do have friends who are non-virgins too and I do feel that it is definitely all right, provided they are RESPONSIBLE for their actions. That is more important than anything else. Sex is not a bad thing, just that every action has consequences.

And yes, I do not think that virginity defines a person’s value.

it sounds very archaic and draconian to me but also very respectful and reverent.

Absolutely not. While in some cultures it is common, and if you are in one of those culture, ultimately that culture will judge you on it no matter what you or I think, it is absolutely wrong to tie a woman’s worth to her virginity. That is a symptom of thinking of women as property and as only having value for breeding (as @daloon mentioned, it’s all about ensuring the lineage of future children). This kind of thinking is highly detrimental to any kind of equality or freedom for women. The only person your virginity should matter to is you. Besides, there is no reliable way to determine whether a woman is a virgin. How many women have been killed in by societies that demand proof of virginity, when they were in fact virgins? Besides, sex with a virgin, in my experience, is not good.

@trailsillustrated In what does imposing rules to women that don’t apply to men sound respectful?

Yes I do agree with the most of you.

In my opinion, I feel that there is really nothing wrong with a girl losing their virginity. Sex is not a bad thing, as long as both parties will responsible for their actions. I’ve always believed that sex = making love, so how can making love be a bad thing? Love is never bad (=

I have a boyfriend (he is European) and he was asking me why I am still a virgin at this age. Then I explained to him but he could not understand why does virginity still matter in such times, as there are many girls who are not virgins anymore. Does that mean that all the girls are loose? I really beg to differ.

What triggered me to ask this question because I was having a conversation with my mom a few days ago. She is considered open-minded for an Asian mom but when I asked her ‘which is worse for you? That I lose my virginity or not practising safe sex ?’ Then she turned to me, with both eyes wide open and said ‘BOTH ARE EQUALLY BAD !’

What is so bad about it ? I just don’t understand why :( That’s why I am asking .

Bah.

These ideas are so outdated and belong to a world that no longer exists. Virginity has no value unless someone will pay for it. Are women still chattlel, goods to be traded, possessions? If they are then certainly virginity has value. Kind of depressing that a woman would be okay with this, enough to be proud about that her sexual choices are the most valuable thing about her.

I think everyone should live the way they want and listen to themselves. To me keeping your virgintiy until you are married is a special thing that you can give to your husband and if you feel like that then keep it. I think it is an old tradition and not a lot of people keep it these days. Cultures are all very different and if you feel that it will hurt your character to have sex now then you should really think about keeping it.

I don’t believe for one moment that virginity defines a girls value. Of course there are some people that will get reputations if they regularly sleep around but I do not think that just because someone chose to have sex before marriage they are “loose”. I am not married but I waited until I was in love and, more importantly, READY to have sex. I was 19 years old when I lost my virginity which, compared to many of my friends, was quite old but I do not regret losing my virginity when and to whom I did.

Also, seeing as I have no intention of getting married I would have a long wait !

A couple of purely practical points…
1. There is a special psychological bond available for the first person you have sex with. It’s not the heaven and the earth, but it is maybe a trip to Miami.
2. The people you sleep with before you find “the one” pretty much cannot be in your life after you find your mate. It’s hard to have a former lover in your partner’s circle of friends when you’re mature. It’s damn near impossible when you’re young. Oh sure, it’s not a problem until something goes sideways in the relationship a little. But that happens. Then the presence of the “old lover” engenders suspicion and anger. It’s not the end of the world, but it is like two weeks in Detroit. And I’m talking the dead of winter.
3. People aren’t very good at sex in the beginning. But with practice they get better. That’s true whether with many partners or one loving partner. Personally, I prefer having the history with one person – at least then you can always talk about your “adventures”. But I can see the other side of it – the perceived variety of many people.
4. Multiple partnering can be a hard habit to break. Someone who’s seen a lot of action may find it difficult to settle down on the front porch. Although that front porch swing does give me an idea…

@6rant6 #2 is absolutely not true for many, many people.

@6rant6, @tinyfaery Not only is #2 not true, neither is #1. And as for #3 and #4, having had a few partners in one’s life has no impact on one’s ability to settle down with a single person and be monogamous. None.

I do NOT think virginity defines a girl at all. In terms of the actual physical virginity of having your hymen intact, I would rather women break it either on purpose or by accident BEFORE their first sexual encounter. Why add physical discomfort and possible bleeding to an event that can be somewhat stressful to begin with.

I would say be true to yourself. Don’t be pressured by a man, and don’t get married because you want to have sex (I know two people who did this).

I do think that sex has a whole bunch of crap that comes with it, which is very annoying. Possible STD’s, Pregnancy, Heartache. So, if you have sex use a condom, avoid the STD’s and the pregnancy. As far as heartache, once you become sexual with someone, especially when it is your first, especially if you waited for who you thought was the right one, if he winds up not being the one, you might have more trouble breaking up when you should and experience more emotional pain. But having said the negatives, sex with the one you love is a wonderful thing.

But, I do think cultural differences matter, cultural and religious. It probably influences how you feel about sex and marriage, even if you disagree with some of what has been taught to you, so what we westerners say may not apply perfectly to your situation.

@6rant6 although I agree sex with the same person your whole life is a nice ideal, I disagree with the majority of your points. I also think there is a contradiction in society today to wait until marriage and also wait to get married. Waiting until the age of 28 to have sex seems very unrealistic, it was different when women were married in their teens. One negative thing about sex with one person is some people get curious what it is like with others. Also, now that I am many many years away from my first sex partner, I don’t feel some special psychological bond with him because I had sex with him, the sex is completely irrelevant at this point. I do have special memories of him and his family because we were together for 6 years. And that crap about multiple partners being a hard habit to break. What is multiple to you? We are not talking about slutting around with every guy you meet, at least I’m not. I’ve been with 6 men. The last guy, my husband, for 18 years. I have no desire to cheat on him.

@JLeslie GA!

@6rant6 There’s nothing wrong with a person valuing their own virginity, but when society or a man uses it to determine what a woman is worth, that is abhorrent.

@higherground I also wanted to say that Europeans tend to be even more liberal and open-minded about sex, and sex at a young age than Americans, most of the people answering here are American. And also, I think @janbb was very harsh criticizing how you posed the question. No question is bad, and the reality of your culture might mean men and family will look at you differently. I don’t know. @janbb said that it comes with a lot of heartache and damage (if not murder) to many women which I myself eluded to in my post, it saddens me greatly that women can be murdered in some cultures for having sex before marriage or even look at a man the wrong way, but you live in your culture (unless you are contemplating leaving), so it is important to deal with your reality.

Thank you all (=

@pinkparaluies (= Thank you

@patg7590 I guess that people think that virgins are people who are left on the shelf or something like that, I don’t know. But I feel that what is most important is that the girl is happy with her decision.

@daloon I agree (= Nobody is perfect anyway , and it wouldn’t be fair to judge a girl by her virginity . I’ve always wondered, what if she was unwilling to lose it, like rape or something?

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities That is true, I don’t think every one should be placed with a value based on what people think or to be influenced into stereotypical thinking. It is just like people with price tags! How sad can that be )=

@oratio I think that a girl’s value should not be based on her virginity, but beyond what the eyes can see. The most valuable things you can find in a person can only be felt with the heart (=

@Thammuz Yeah I agree, we should all practise responsibility.

@PretentiousArtist Haha , playing with puns ?

@pdworkin Yeah I agree with you (= The reason why I am still a virgin now is not because of my culture, but because I feel that I have yet to find a person who shares the same view as me when it comes to having sex. IMHO, sex = make love. But many guys that I’ve dated, just take it as though women are just toys to satisfy their sexual desires.

@gussnarp Yes I’ve heard stories about people having sex with virgins. But we all start off as virgins , don’t we ? (=

@tinyfaery “Virginity has no value unless someone will pay for it”—- Haha ! I wonder how they can pay for it.

@Webzilla I share the same sentiments as you do (= I believe in ‘each its own’, and that we all have the freedom to do whatever we want with our bodies, and should not be pressurized by cultural beliefs or what others think .

@Leanne1986 I am glad to know that you were sure of what you were doing and you do not regret it at all (=

@6rant6 About #1, what if the first time you had sex, was a situation where you were unwilling? Like rape or forced sex.

@JLeslie Thank you for your time and insights (= I’ve never contemplated on leaving my culture, in fact I think I should embrace the fact that I am Asian and there is definitely a reason why my culture imposed such a belief. But I do believe that at the end of it, it all boils down to our own choices. And whatever decision we make, we have to be sure that it is based on our own choice and not what others think. And even if I do have sex before marriage, I’ll make sure that I will practise responsibility (=

Wow. Sorry for typing so much.

@higherground not sure if I missed this information somewhere…do you live in Asia, or do you live in a western country in an Asian community?

@JLeslie I live in Asia (= Was born and raised here too .

Do you mind saying what country? Asia is so huge, and the countries are so varied on the idea of sex. Japan is way different on this topic than Afghanastan.

On a side note: your English is very very good.

@JLeslie Haha I am from Singapore ! A tiny island found in South-East Asia (= And if you are wondering , I’m actually a Chinese. Maybe that will explain where the cultural belief came from !

And thank you for your kind words ! (=

@higherground Wow, all my commentary on women’s rights, equality, etc. and all I get noted for is saying sex with virgins is lousy. BTW, it’s not so much the experience thing (although there’s something to be said for that), it’s @JLeslie‘s 1st paragraph above.

Generally, it is deemed respectable to have maintained your virginity, I assume to show a sense of control but also for the purity aspect. In my family, though we don’t promote promiscuity, it is a lot the opposite. My mother and aunts believe that sex is a very important part of any serious relationship and that it should be experienced to make sure everything is okay in that department too. Not to mention, they think a girl should just experience it to know the pleasure it brings. This does not mean they threw me and my sister out into the world and said “go!” at 14. I mean that when my sister and I developed long term relationships, we had the “protection talk” and the “what if babies” talk. Specifically, use double protection. This happened sooner for my sister at 16, than for me at 19 but neither of us have lost our family’s respect, so long as we’re not “loose” and are responsible, which we both have been. For us, it’s a matter of communication. If we were sneaking around and having tons of sex without approaching my mother for help, oh, things would be very different and my mother is a force to be reckoned with.

Personally, I agree with my family’s standpoint. If you’ve (general you, not you specifically, higherground) found someone you want to share that experience with, someone who will appreciate its meaning, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Protection goes without saying.

@higherground I’ve always meant to got to Singapore, we have a close friend who lived there and loved it. I have no presumptions about the culture in Singapore, never even thought about their mores or cultural norms regarding sex. The only “stereotype” I ever hear is that there is a law for everything and they are strictly enforced. Are you Christian? Does the sex before marriage come from your religion?

My family made this very simple for me but giving me the option to make my own decision.
If I were living in a more religious or traditional family, I’m sure I would have to make my opinion clear to my parents, though I’d wait until I found that special someone first.
This was actually a large problem for my boyfriend with his parents and it took them 3–4 years to be okay with it. I guess they wanted to make sure we were going to stay together, but yeah. It seems like a tough spot to be in.

@gussnarp I’m sorry about that :P Well, I think that sex = making love. Love can never be wrong, just gotta find the right person to do it with.

Oh and just to share a little bit about this cultural belief—- I am not sure why they place so much importance on abstinence but they always believe that if you take away a woman’s virginity = you ‘own’ the woman because you have taken away something precious from her.

@higherground, yeah, I never much liked that version of it. Though it could be spun romantically, it rarely is. I prefer to think of it as “the girl loved you enough to give it up for you. your job to appreciate it.”

I don’t agree or disagree with being a virgin until marriage. If that’s what you believe is right, then go for it. Personally I want to know if the guy I plan to marry is going to be good in bed before I make a life long commitment. Sexual chemistry is very important in a relationship.

@Iclamae I see your point (= and I do agree that it is our own decision, it is our own body anyway (= as long as you are responsible for your actions , making love can never be wrong (=

@JLeslie Yes you should visit Singapore, it is a nice little city with 365 days of summer ! HAHA well I always get that answer, but no I’m not a Christian. I do not belong to any religious group. I’m still a virgin because I’ve not found a person who shares the same view on sex as I do. I’d prefer to think of sex as making love to someone who you really love. (= Nothing about religion.

@ItalianPrincess1217 Yes I see your point ! (= It’d not be nice to spend a lifetime with someone who doesn’t have sexual chemistry with you, but such things can be developed, I guess?

@higherground I like how you think. I feel confident you will make the right choices for yourself.

That is why my girlfriend told me I must go to Singapore, because of the weather more than anything. I lived in Florida for years and loved the hot weather. I’ve only been to Japan in Asia. I wish Asia was not so far, I hate the flight and the time change.

@JLeslie Thank you (=

Maybe she is hinting to you that you should bring her on a trip ! Like you mentioned, it is true that Singapore being strictly enforced, that is why they say that we are a ‘fine’ city—- full of fines ! Haha !

Japan is really nice too.

Well I do understand the traveling time, time difference and all—- I was state-hopping with my parents in USA for 4 months (I visited Orlando too! :D) and when I got back, oh boy my body couldn’t take the jet-lag sickness.

She lived in Singapore, and she is there all of the time on business still. She lives in Tokyo now, we visited her in Japan. She is actually moving back to the states soon.

I see , I see ! That’s awesome ! I heard that Tokyo is a really nice place , I’d definitely love to visit that place one day !

I agree with most others in saying that the value of a person is not defined by sex. Sex is a natural thing. Marriage is a man made thing. I don’t thing nature should have to conform to the work of man. Yes, there are consequences to every action, even getting in your car and going to the store. Sometimes you die on the way and sometimes you come home with a big, delicious, thick carton of ice cream ;) It’s up to the person whether or not it defines you.
Religion and culture has much to do with this and I try to evade both.

@Clair Word ! :D

@6rant6 #1 I can’t even remember his last name, let alone what psychological connection we had…yet I do not regret losing my virginity, it was the right thing for me…
#2 Of the many people I’ve loved and has sex with, I am friends with many of them and so is my partner friends with many of them…then again my partner and I are in an open marriage so we don’t have issues you describe…
#3 People can be bad at sex after many partners too and many committed partners can’t even talk about sex normally with each other
#4 I have had many partners and am married, with 2 kids, I don’t care to have a porch bu thte point is I am in a committed loving relationship…supremely lucky, in fact…

Value of virginity varies in the West depending on people’s upbringing and cultural and religious beliefs…do I think there is a value to virginity? no, I think that concept of attaching a value to a woman’s virginity (like someone above said, the same does not in reality apply to men) is sexist and hurtful and counterproductive…a person shouldnt feel pressured by family to not have sex…even if lack of sex is ‘respected”...not all measures of control appear negative at first…and the older generation you’re talking about…pretty sure they all didn’t stay virgins till marriage…no way no how no sir

If someone thinks virginity defines a girl’s value, you probably shouldn’t be dating them. Let alone having sex with them.

@6rant6, I mostly agree with you. I’m fairly young, so maybe my own reasons for thinking this way are because of immaturity- who knows. I don’t necessarily think there was a “psychological connection” between me the first person I had sex with, but I definitely felt something special when I was with this person. Not love or anything, but some indescribable “something” that I haven’t felt with later partners.
As for #2, I hardly ever keep exes in my life, even though I don’t have a “the one,” but there are plenty of people out there who do this and it seems to work. I just don’t get it. You were attracted to this person for a reason, and you broke up for a reason- both hurdles to friendship. It seems like the attraction, or idle thoughts about sleeping with the person again, would kind of simmer under the surface, and the incompatibilities that caused the breakup would be there, too. And what if one person wanted the breakup more than the other?
I agree with 3 and 4, but 4 is definitely one of those things that isn’t true for everybody. It seems like (especially on this site?) there are so many people out there who are happier than ever spending years and years with the same person. Even in my own peer group, there are people who already wish they could be done with the whole dating thing and settle down with The One. I’m not totally against settling down eventually, but I can’t see myself wanting to do so any time in the next ten or fifteen years. I believe that you can have something meaningful and valid with someone who isn’t perfect for you, even if it’s just for a short time. I definitely start getting a bit restless if I’m with the same person for more than a year; it starts to feel too predictable and safe.

@higherground It’s great that you’re staying a virgin for your own reasons. Your older generation isn’t being that different from parents over here. Most parents encourage their kids not to have sex, even though parents over here are less likely to tell their kids to stay virgins specifically until marriage. Well… maybe the encouragement is more unspoken. My parents, and most of the other parents I know, barely talk to their kids about sex at all, but it pretty much went without saying that it was frowned upon. Some of the cooler and more liberal parents talked about it, and the focus was mostly on being safe and waiting until they were ready. At least when I was in school they still had comprehensive sex ed, so we weren’t getting the information just from other kids and TV and stuff. I feel really bad for the kids where they teach abstinence only.

It all depends on your culture, and where you live.
Your value, as defined by others, should be of no interest to you. It’s too bad it is these people who can have such an impact on your life.

Yes. Men will pay much more for a virgin. lol

@higherground actually i meant the other way around. Why should there be such a rule? It’s a matter of personal choice, and as such it should be left up to the individual alone.

That’s what bugs me about social conventions, everyone is supposed to adhere to them. No personal freedom involved.

That said, it’s also a matter of personal choice to reject a girl who isn’t a virgin, but without the peer pressure (or without indoctrination) i seriously doubt that any male who is in love (or even just thinking with his pants) would dump a girl because he’s not her first partner.

It’s a demeaning social convention that puts women on the level of property: you lose value because you’re secondhand property, nothing more nothing less.

Or worse: you lose value because you act on par with males (who do fuck around before marriage, if they did not how would other women be able to lose their virginity before marriage? carrots?), while you should be a good submissive little girl and jump through hoops, so your most likely unworthy husband can slap you around the kitchen better.

Or even worse: you are treated as an outcast because you preferred deciding with your head who to sleep with and when, rather than following an arbitrary and castrating social convention from thousands of years ago.

Pardon me if i sound a little upset but I love women, so i really get pissed when people treat them like this. And i get pissed when people fuck with other people’s freedom so the whole thing is twice as infurianting as it usually would be.

Virginity in some cultures is prized and sacred. The arab bedouins, e.g., would give their (12-year-old) daughter’s hand in marriage if she were a virgin; sometimes having her stoned to death if she is not. With = camels and husband; without = death. You do the math.

No.
You are worth a lot, regardless of how many people you choose to sleep with.

@JLeslie I tried not to be too polemic in answering. Yeah, I agree waiting until you’re 28 to have sex in hopes of a “Magical connection” is not realistic. It’s a small thing as things go.

On the other hand, people who have had things sometimes say that one cannot live without them. People who have experienced, say, Broadway plays, and chocolate, life in the big city, surfing, the journey to Mecca all have their worlds changed by those things. They might find it difficult to imagine life without them. But of course, a lot of the world does live without them. Obviously if you don’t have sex until you’re 30, it can still be fun.

So maybe I should have started by saying, to have sex or not to have sex – probably far less important than how you treat people, how hard you work to stay on good terms with your family, how closely you treasure friends who are loyal and generous, and how accepting you can be of things that happen to no purpose.

Then sex is just one of many activities that shape your life. And in that context, here’s what I think is true…

@6rant6 I agree once you have chocolate you might want it again, but sex is different, especially if you relate sex as being part of a serious relationships. I don’t get the impression the OP is ever going to think of sex as a casual thing. I know very few women who seek sex, look just for the hook up, even though they greatly enjoy sex.

@JLeslie OP “I don’t get the impression the OP is ever going to think of sex as a casual thing.”
Oh come on. Don’t tell me you don’t know people who were extremely temperate in their behavior – until they weren’t anymore. Don’t you watch Lifetime?

@6rant6 LMAO. Well, since you based your original answer on your own experience mine is based on mine and the women I know. I lost my virginty a few months short of my 16th birthday a few days before 11th grade started. I think I had sex every day when I was 16 and 17 with my boyfriend, and then somewhat less once I graduated high school and was working more. When we broke, after 6 years of dating, I did not have a whole bunch of sex with whoever I met, just the opposite. I went back to not having sex, and waited until I was in another relationship again.

Six years…. a pretty fair run. If I didn’t know better, I might think you’d bonded.

I think that rules surrounding morality had some basis in social or evolutionary advantage, and so they have some merit today. Admittedly, the world has changed a lot, and most of those advantages are somewhere in the dirt behind us. Maybe all the advantage is gone. I suppose monogamy juxtaposed against infidelity is an easy theme for a movie…. so it’s got that going for it.

As a man I do not think it devalues a woman in any way shape or from and the so called psychological connection is plain nonsense. My wife and I had had one sexual partner before we met and limited sexual experiences at that. We both regret giving giving our selves to other people before we found true love with each other. My wife gave her virginity to a guy friend who showed no love for her and was pretty forceful when he first entered her. My wife told me it was a huge let down and rather painful. She never experienced an orgasm until we made love and that she has developed a psychological bond with me. Her old guy friend only cared about himself and not about pleasuring the partner he was having sex with. We learned that sex with some one you love is they only time it’s worth loosing one’s virginity.

@cmtmj2006 sure hope your wife is okay with you sharing such personal information about her

Well, this ship has long sailed but I am tossing in my 2 cents, if for nothing else, someone else might be struggling with it in the now. What I would have told you was that your virginity is the only real thing you have that you can physically give away that is priceless. Sure as clouds rain there will be those who would disagree (most of whom gave theirs away with very little respect to it). Your virginity you cannot buy, and once you give it away, whom you gave it to owns that part of you forever, and you can’t take it back. He can turn into douche bag #1 the moment he hopped off of you and you can’t take it back and you can’t replace it for the next guy who might be the nicest most respectful person to you, and the perfect mate. There are some who would try to make the argument there are a lot of things that are priceless to you such as health or dignity but those are for you, you can’t give them to someone physically. Here people are so much after their own pleasure that getting to it, and a lot of times it is worth way less than what people believed it would be, that they will give up something as irreplaceable as that. They would not give up their arm or even a finger for an orgasm because they see those as being more important; sex is just a commodity, and they are not even truly straight on that, but that is another story. That is one reason to seek an Asian wife or dozens of US born women who just do not know what real value they have, equal to Esau selling his birthright to his brother Jacob for basically a pot of bean stew because he was very hungry; his birthright was of no importance to him when his physical pleasure was concerned. I hope you waited and were not swayed by those of the West telling you it is unrealistic to wait, it’s not, if you have self-control and what your husband to be the one to have that once in a lifetime gift, you would look at it as valuable as an eye.