Why are some people so easy to pick on?

Because they allow themselves to be.

Ask the people that picked on me in high school. Oh wait, most of them are dead or in prison. Who needs revenge when the law of averages seems to work just as well.

Social awkwardness provides cues to bullies of possible weakness, and bullies are attracted to the weak.

Because some people are mean and hateful

none of these answers are really satisfactory to me. I’m not talking about people who are socially awkward in any major way. they are normal people. I have found myself frequently in this situation, although admittedly only within certain groups. Within others I’m in control, on top of things. What does it mean to “allow yourself to be?”

Something is obviously being detected, so in some way these “normal” people must not be behaving in a normative manner. What, exactly is going on must be situational, and I think I’d have to have been an observer to give you a more definitive answer. My more generalized guess is that they displayed some kind of weakness.

@Blondesjon Your first answer was just what I was going to say. You beat me to it.

@quarkquarkquark . . . Picking on another person only works if it causes that person to feel uncomfortable or unhappy. Since you alone are the only person that controls the way you react and feel, if you choose to not let it affect you negatively, it ceases to be an issue.

@jbfletcherfan . . . I waited as long as I could.

People prey on weaknesses. Being weak in some way makes you more vulnerable to attack at your weak spot. Being small. meek, or passive can be a weakness. Bullies usually don’t pick on big people that fight back. They want someone that will cower will they threaten them without feeling threatened themselves.

@Blondesjon I agree. Our youngest granddaughter (9) sometimes complains that the kids tease her. We’ve tried to tell her 100 times that they do that because they know they can get her goat. She hasn’t figured it out yet that if she’d just laugh at herself, they’d stop that.

I think sometimes the people are naive and trusting. They believe what people tell them and are easy to tease, deceive, and play pranks on. This is different than being bullied, but still hurts the receiver, because people are laughing at them in the end. I agree, if they can laugh at themselves they will fair better, or know to question something when it sounds farfetched. Lastly, I always let it be known that I don’t like practical jokes, and if someone did something mean, I let them know I didn’t like it. I did not run away crying, but rather stated firmly my preferences if you want to interact with me.

I was picked on in school a lot. I was “normal” enough so I always wondered why me? My mother would always remind me that kids do it because they know they can get a rise out of me. She turned out to be right. When I started ignoring them, they stopped.

I think the idea that people attract insults is well rather insulting. It is as if you are saying they deserve them or that if you are around them you can’t ‘help yourself’.

@RedPowerLady Lurve that you pointed this out. We cannot ignore that the people teasing and/or bullying are behaving badly, lets not all blame the victim.

@JLeslie Thank you. I was halfway through typing an answer when I realized something was niggling at me. So I erased and wrote that one. :)

In the young, such as school children, they haven’t yet developed their Power of Ignore, and react to a perceived, or real, threat. I was treated mercilessly in school. This was partly because I came from a very loving and supportive extended family, and when in the company of strangers, such as fellow school mates, I had absolutely no idea how to relate.

In older people, they were never taught that everyone is in control of their own feelings, and when you give that power to other people (as in “he made me mad/sad/”)you don’t have to accept responsibility for your life.

@quarkquarkquark please could you give me an example of the ‘type’ of person that has this ‘je ne sais quoi’...are you able to narrow it down to a specific empirical attribute? If you can’t I suspect that the issue is with your perception and not the persons in question. If you can then you might see that the attribute points towards the inadequacy of the bullier. Either way… I’m pretty sure people don’t ‘invite dismissal and ridicule from their friends’

I didn’t mean to frame it in a way that implied that these people somehow “deserve” it but the fact remains that those who behave badly—by teasing or mistreating others—tend to gravitate towards certain individuals. It’s my belief that these people must have something in common that makes them a target.

hmmmm…. interesting…maybe it’s the fact then that they are those people who aren’t bullies themselves?

I think I know what you mean. I am a bully magnet for reasons that are not so obvious as Star wars sound effects, Liger drawings, sweet jumps on my bike or because I smell like soup. I don’t appear to be weak and ripe for picking, your standard bully bait. They give me a whirl because they don’t believe I am as unafraid as I say I am. They are sure I must be lying and if they can find the magic soft spot they can reduce me to a puddle of pee. I don’t know why I’m unafraid, I was born that way. I’m not afraid of living, I’m not afraid of dying and I’m not afraid of a fight. I am a shrug my shoulders kind of girl so I guess that looks like a potential soft spot instead of the disinterest that it really is.