Is anyone on Fluther familiar with Elaine Aron's work on highly sensitive people?

I read her books some time ago because I was selling them like hot cakes. Unfortunately I don’t remember much of what she said.

However, your husband sounds a great deal like mine, and some of it is simply due to the differences in men and women. Women are highly verbal. They love to discuss, debate, explain, and question. Men are not as verbal. They are more solutions oriented. They don’t want to discuss options. They want to pinpoint a solution and apply it.

The differences are partly due to differing cultural expectations (boys don’t cry, and so on) but also documented organic differences in brain structure. There appear to be consistent differences in the thickness of the cerebral cortex between hemispheres in men but not in women. There may be a difference in how connected the two hemispheres are in women than in men. Women seem to have greater connection between the two halves of the brain in the form of a larger corpus callosum. The hypothalamus shows consistent differences between men and women. And males generally have more activity in the mechanical centers of the brain, while women have more activity in centers of the brain dedicated to verbal communication and emotion.

You might want to read this or this and see if you can apply any of it to your marriage.

@tedibear39 Gee – are you married to my husband? I don’t really have any answers for you, wish I did.

@Darwin – I think some of it is the difference between male & female brain wiring and problem solving. As an engineer, he is a definite problem solver. I don’t mind the offer of a solution when I’ve asked about a problem or issue that I have. What I don’t like is the blank-faced shut down that happens. If I brought up things of an emotional nature all the time, I could understand where he wouldn’t want to hear it. But I don’t. I hold back a LOT of stuff and try to only discuss the important things when I have to. I’ve also tried asking him something or bringing up an issue and saying, “You don’t have to answer now. But I would like a response.” I never get one. Oh, and thank you for the links. Some interesting things for me to consider.

I forgot to mention that I’ve approached him in writing a couple of times. He either talks about it – which I don’t understand since he hates to talk – or he ignores what I’ve said.

@janbb – We might be, but I think I would have noticed you around the house!

@tedibear39 LOL. I have found that asking my husband to think about something for a while does help; I might have to bring it up again. He was raised very strictly and I think any time he hears (implied) criticism, he gets very defensive. Sometimes saying something like “This is not a critcism” or “I just want to talk about this, I don’t need an answer” can be helpful. He is a good writer but I think asking him to write about his feelings would be very threatening to him.

That’s where I get annoyed. I’ve asked him to think about something and let me know. Then he doesn’t! It makes me feel rather… discounted. Like the orange chunky heeled size 12 wide shoes at Nordstroms!

You have to find a way to bring it up again that doesn’t make you annoyed with him or make him feel cornered. How about saying, “Think about and I’ll check back with you tomorrow night” so it’s part of the initial contract. Then when it’s a good time, you say to him, “Did you think about what I asked?’ With engineer-types, you have to strategize.

He still sounds like my husband, a tough, ex-Navy weatherguesser. The blank face in his case apparently results because he honestly does not have a response to what I have asked or said. I have to break things down into little pieces, and gradually get the answers one bit at a time.

You should have married me. I am highly insensitive.