Does age really matter?

Age matters more than you know in this situation.
Assuming you are talking about a romantic relationship, there is a huge difference between the ages of 16 and 22.

as an addition i know there are many different situations and circumstances, but i’m sure that all parties are in good heart in my situation. I know this is hard to see without knowing me, because you have to try to judge to give an opinion.

You are sufficiently young that you are incapable of making wise decisions on these issues, but you won’t believe me.

No sexual content, im waiting till marriage. There is nothing that will change my opinion on that and he respects me.

@pdworkin I understand, and my mom knows everything is in good heart.

Good luck to you in the future. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable with.

That’s 6 years difference. And what you THINK love is at the age of 16 is going to be very different than what you think love is at 22. Not to mention the fact that he could be sent to jail if your guardian disapproves.

I think it is possible to find your true love at 16, and as long as you guys wait till marriage, you have my complete support.

Thanks for your responses, I am not looking for clarification on my feelings. Just wonder why it is such i big deal. I guess because there are some bad things and cold people out there.

I have first hand evidence that points in either direction.

I dated a woman 6 years older than I was and it was great. No problems other than the social skepticism we faced. So, if that’s all you mean, then yes it’s a big deal and always will be.

However, my girlfriend’s sister is dating a guy who’s significantly older and in addition to the social stigma, they are having issues concerning the fact that they are at different places in their lives.

You and your friend are closer in age and only you two can tell if its a big deal to you. You can probably ignore what other people think unless it fundamentally has something to do with your happiness, health or security.

6 years difference when you are 16 is more than ⅓ of your life to date. You still have a lot of growing up to do, and you may find that you will grow in a very different direction that you or he expect. At that point it could turn out that the two of you no longer share goals and approaches to life.

It is true that there are relationships like this that result in life-long marriage. However, many more such pairings result in divorce, especially today when we all seem to be aware of many different options in our lives, and no longer pick one thing and stay with it.

I must confess that my paternal grandmother was 16 when she married my grandfather, who was 30 at the time. However, they only had one child who was sent off to school, so she was able to be the “little girl” and he the “daddy” all of their married life. Unfortunately, this meant when he died long before she did, she was totally unable to take care of anything outside of housework. She could not balance a check book, do her taxes, or even drive a car. In other words, she solved the possible problem of growing apart by never growing up. She stayed a 16 yo her whole life.

Now my husband is also older than I, but we married when I was 35 and he 46. We had both established our careers and goals in life and so were less likely to grow apart. Unfortunately one of the problems with this age difference is that at 67 he is a very old man (he has been disabled for many years) and I am his caregiver, and not so much his wife.

Don’t do anything rash, and if the two of you do grow apart, figure out a way to remain friends even if you can no longer consider a life together.

@catelynjo No it’s not made out to be a big deal just because we are all cold, bitter people. It’s because a lot of us have been 16 and “in love”. We are just giving you a heads up that dating a man 6 yrs older than you can cause some issues. I have been in the exact same situation. I sounded just like you. “I’m more mature than most kids my age. I know why love is. I know what’s best for me. Everyone else is full of crap.” Guess what, everyone else turned out to be right. I was much too young for a man that age and what I thought was true love was a high school crush. But if you’re anywhere near as stubborn and thick headed as I was at 16, I’m sure myh advice will be ignored. Good luck to you.

Were you 26 and he 32, I would say no, it doesn’t matter. But you are not 26; you are 16 and a child. He’s 22 and I assume that he has lived for some time on his own; pays household bills and does taxes; has a car and pays its insurance (or if not, has to provide his own transportation somehow); has a regular job; and has gone to, if not graduated college (or some other form of higher education such as vocational school). In other words, he has tons of real world experience that you don’t and can’t have until you have lived on your own. You should wait on pursuing any kind of relationship with him until you have left the nest and established yourself as an independent person, as he has had a chance to do.

I agree with @holden.

I know it’s not what you want to hear but.. it’s my opinion and I can’t hide it: At 16 just about everyone thinks they know what’s going on. Most of the time they don’t. That said, this could very well be a relationship that lasts.. especially if you are both strong in your faiths. Time will tell.. there is absolutely no reason to rush this relationship. Just give it time. A lot can happen in a couple years.

Oh.. and please.. don’t make the mistake of having a kid too early. There is a lot of life to live before settling down. That is.. assuming you two don’t have one already.

@NaturalMineralWater she said she is waiting til marriage

I agree that most situations are not in the best interest of either party, especially the female.

@holden I understand that.. but strength of will and purpose often don’t stand the test of time. I was only warning against letting it falter.

Sixteen is young and sixteen is tricky. The thing about sixteen is that this can can feel like a very grown up age – especially to one has packed a lot of living into those years and was forced to mature quickly. As people get older, age differences have less of an impact on their intimate relationships, but at this point age is a huge deal. I would say any couple involved in a relationship such as this should give it time, that is one thing you both have plenty of.

I look at it this way, you are cheating yourself out of a lot of life experiences if you hook up at 16. You cannot learn how to cope on your own as an adult with a myriad of choices if you are never alone.

I don’t think I am saying this quite right, but being alone is a good lesson, it makes you realize you don’t need, you can have relationships based on want not need.

You say you were alone as a child but that really did not afford you the opportunities an adult has to decide to travel or study or loaf or be a hippy or be a real estate tycoon.

Give yourself a chance at all the choices before you lock yourself into the first one that appears.

@rooeytoo he actually stressed that he doesnt want to take any life experiences from me, or make me needy (dependent) on him completely. I have to grow and learn on my own, and make my own mistakes.

Where you are coming from makes sense

This wouldn’t work if we didn’t have the same views at this time. I have goals and aspirations, and until i am older there is nothing that will change what i want to do.

@catelynjo Why are you asking us the question?

I am interested in the opinions of others on this situation. There are many different flavors of the circumstances.

Oh it does matter.
Thats why its ILLEGAL.

There is a lot of growing and maturing that goes in between the ages of 16 and 22. When you reach 22 (and beyond), the things you thought you wanted at 16 and the things you want when you reach whatever age are very, very different. Its age, its experience, its getting away from everything you’ve always known in order to grow up. I know you think you’re sufficiently “grown up” now, but you’re really not compared to where you’ll be in a few years.

You met this guy when you were TWELVE and he was EIGHTEEEN. There’s something really off in someone that old persuing someone that young. You might want to look at that.

Your situation isn’t as different as you think from the way that many failed and screwed up relationships started.

I’ve always dated guys who wear older than me because I too feel more mature than my actual age. I don’t think guys my own age will appeal to me until I’m at least 26. I’ve dated a 21 year old when I was 15 but it wasn’t serious at all it was like a “hey, I like you lets hold hands and say we go out together” type thing, so that does not really compare to your situation. Just keep your eyes open and protect your heart.

And good for you for waiting until you’re married to have sex.

I really have to agree with @pinkparaluies and @avvooooooo; I’m suspicious of why somebody that old (comparatively speaking) would have any interest in somebody that young to begin with.

@avvooooooo, you make a great point. It’s not that strange for a teenager to want to date someone in their 20s, but what kind of 20-something wants to be with someone in their teens?

When I was a sixteen I was in almost the exact situation as the you, @catelynjo. Dealing with family issues made me think I was more mature than other people my age. Really I was just a teenager with a chip on my shoulder who thought I was right about everything- in other words, probably less mature than other people my age. I don’t think it’s bad to date someone older, because you can learn a lot from it, and I have to admit that teenage boys really just didn’t hold much appeal for me at that age. But it’s hard to look at your boyfriend realistically when you’re a teenager. A big part of the problem with relationships like these is that the teenager gets a lot more invested in it than the older person. Dealing with hardships can make you mature, but college, travel, and mundane adult crap like work, getting a car, and paying bills also does a lot.

There are no guarantees in any relationship, and mutual respect is a great thing to have. I don’t think the age is a big deal except maybe causing you to miss out on some teenage experiences, but it sounds like maybe that horse has already left the barn. So, enjoy it while it lasts and recognize that there might come a time for goodbyes.

I was the wait until marriage type as a teen, but it’s one of my deeper regrets now. If it works out for you, great, but for me it turned out to be a stupid set of missed opportunities and stunted my development in that arena. In other words, if you’re confident you’re getting married in the near enough future, then I suppose stick to your plan, but don’t bother if you don’t see it happening before you turn 25 or 30. Then again, maybe it’s different for guys.

I think age matters. My advice is don’t do anything permanent like marriage. You will go through a lot of change in the next few years and the same is true for him. Generally when you are under 25, this is a huge generalization, you lack the understanding of how much you don’t know, how much you might change regarding what you want from life, and what is available out in the world. So, although 6 years is not that much if you both were 30 something, it is a great deal of years at your ages.

I would go along with what @holden said. Do you plan on graduating from high school? I sure hope so. You have to get your priorities straight. Your first priority should be to work towards some kind of a career. Once you get that established you can think about marriage.

@catelynjo I have a question…do you see him as a way to get out of your current living situation, which you describe as a “hard home?” Many many women did this in the past, got out of their parent’s home by getting married. Almost all of them live to regret it. Of course there are exceptions, but the statistics are way against you. Also, you stated you know what you want for the furture, what is it?

Wait a minute guys! She said they’re waiting till marriage. It’s not illegal to have a guy friend that’s over 18! It’s illegal to have sex. Why are you guys jumping to huge conclusions?!?!

@sarah826 I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am not assuming she is having sex. I believe she isn’t. He obviously represents more than a platonic friend, if she is asking this question.

@sarah826 I’ve never dated a man that wasn’t interested in sex. We aren’t living in a twilight book. Sorry, Charlies.

Another thing – my older brother met his true love at 16. He’s getting married in July.

@sarah826 how old is he?

@sarah826 Even if they’re not having sex, it is very, very odd that a 18 year old would start something with a 12 year old, a 19 year old with a 13 year old, a 20 year old with a 14 year old, or a 21 year old with a 15 year old. This is a relationship, we don’t know when it started. There’s something here that bothers me, no matter how “great a guy” he is, he seems predator-ish. Or at the very least, creepy.

Meeting someone at 16 and meeting someone at 12 with a 6 year age difference are different things.

If there is no sexual anything, I say that if it’s meant to be, in 4–5 years you could theoretically come back here and say “I told you so.” Otherwise, it will all run its course and you will have learned a big lesson in the meantime.

I see nothing wrong with continuing the relationship as long as it is working for you. Age is not a reason to walk away, but it is reason for caution at your age.

Don’t rush your life, though. I would wait at least another 5 or 6 years before making any permanent commitment and I would definitely suggest living on your own or with a roommate for a while. You don’t want to go from your parent’s home straight to your married life. You need a little bit of adult independence and responsibility. It really does give you a different and helpful perspective on things.

Age is very important.

Respectfully yours

He who was thinking just like you
but 47 years ago.

I don’t think age matters. If two people truly like or love each other then let it be. I say let the relationship have a chance. But of course, it does start to get odd when a 14 is with a 26 year old; so on and so forth. I was with a 26 year old when I was 18. I know it’s not the same, but it’s still a difference.

Not having sex does not mean there is no sexual tension, and they may be fooling around, just not %$&XYZ! It sounds like they are boyfriend and girlfriend. The negative about waiting until you are married, is sometimes you rush to marry, not that I am recommending having sex. I also think it very rare that a man in his 20’s will wait years to have sex.

An 18-year-old is nearly fully encephalized. Not so a 16-year-old.

@pdworkin I had to look up that word, encephalized. I’ll have to work that into a conversation sometime soon.

Now you know™

@pdworkin LMAO!

My rule is that I won’t date anyone more than half my age older than me.

I usually skirt the outer edge. I tend to get along with men in their late 20s or early 30s.

Its a unique situation and no its not a way out, I have a way out (my mother) and they are close. i can guarantee he is good, I am more interested in the concept of the concern in general. Not directly related to me. I can only guess its the fact that there are horrible/bitter people that dont have the right things in mind.
Im am definitely finishing highschool and going to college. Like I stated, i have my priorities in check. :)

@delirium: Just out of curiosity, how will that rule change as you get older and that gap gets bigger?

@catelynjo I give up. It’s clear that you don’t want to change your situation. I’m not quite sure what the question is. You gave us a run down of your situation in life but then you tell us the reason for your question is not directly related to you. So…I’m just confused what the point of all this was?

@ItalianPrincess1217 As stated in the original question and many times after if you look. She says shes curious about opinions and the reasons behind it. This is a discussion thread. The question was related to why it was a big deal to people in relation to her situation because she can explain her story as an example. @catelynjo is this correct?

@burner959 I understand that but what confuses me is why she went on to tell us her situation if we aren’t supposed to comment on her situation? If she wasn’t interested in hearing our opinions on her lifestyle choices, she should have worded her description differently. Instead of making it so personal, it should have been simple..”.Why does age matter? Why do you feel it’s wrong (or right) for a teenage girl to date an older man?”

@ItalianPrincess1217 Very true and I am sorry, but the discussion was very interesting and I appreciate everyone’s responses. I am just exploring the thoughts of others. @burner959 Yes you are correct. Thank you :)

@poofandmook It doesn’t change, that’s the beauty of the rule! The older you are, the less age differences matter.

@catelynjo We are neither horrible nor bitter. We are older, more experienced, and more in touch with reality rather than teenage optimism and dreams.

It is, and will remain, odd that someone at his age would be interested and persuing someone so young. Whether you think that he’s a great guy or what have you, its odd, its creepy, and it screams predator to most everyone on the question. It is a big deal becasue there are very, very few normal people who would, at the age that he is, start dating/whatever someone as young as you are.

@delirium: do you have a rule in the other direction? Dating people younger than you?

It honestly has never come up. I, (oh god this sounds vain but I promise that it actually isn’t, and is more based on reality) really haven’t found anyone younger that can keep up enough for me to be interested in them. I can’t find anyone my own age that way either.

Though, if pressed, I think I would apply my rule from their perspective.

interesting… you’re more open than I am I guess… lol. My boyfriend is 6 years younger than me (20, 26).. but I doubt I’d go higher than 31, 32 anymore.

How has this not been said in this thread yet? (Age/2)+7=minimum age you can date before its no longer social acceptable (and a creeper)
(22/2)+7=18

Someone call?

@uberbatman Excellent answer!

Yay, I’m just at the limit! lol

@avvooooooo never said you were horrible or bitter. I apologize, i was stating that there are bad people who are not in good intentions when they are in this situation. Regardless our families are close and parents approve.

Hey guys ! im nicole (16) and im falling in love with someone who is 21, (bruce) he also feels the same about me but one problem..
3 years ago i dated someone (Russ 18 at the time) and through him i met a bunch of his friends. russ had me lie about my age and say i was 16 when i was really only a few years younger. i hit it off with his friends and we all stayed in contact even after our break up.
i just started hanging out with them all again and i met someone new (bruce)(21). at that instant i new we would become something i could never let go
i could not break the lie now its too late! so i told him i was 18 and i didnt no i would soon fall for him the way i did. i am only 16 and i dont want him to give up on me now because i no how much we can be!!! i hate myself for this but i am so lost on what to do! we are both good people and i feel like age shouldnt matter! i am also very mature for my age.
help me with this one please .

@nikolinaxitaliax – About all you can do is take him aside and tell him how you feel about him, but also tell him the truth. Letting things slide is doing him no favors as if things progress far enough he could be charged with statutory rape. If he knows your real age and he cares about you, then he should be willing to wait for intimacy until your are of legal age.

And next time, don’t lie.

your right thank u but i am just having trouble facing what ive done. it makes me literally sick. i dont want to hurt him he is a geniually a great guy i cant lose him

If you don’t confess, then you will lose him or hurt him for sure. If he takes it well, then he is the great guy you think he is, but if he doesn’t take it well you are better off without him.

Just do it!

thanks for the support which will lead me to my next decison! ill tell hm but im not going to see him untill the weekend. will that be too late?

No, that will be fine. Good luck! I hope he takes it well.

Thank u! This all makes me feel less of a bad person :/ If ever you need someone im here!

…

@avvooooooo LMAO Lurve.

@ItalianPrincess1217 If the shoe fits… :D

Do you reckon 16 and 19 is too bigger age gap? Just curious. Or, what should the maxiunm dating age be for a 16 year ild girl? 2 years older? 5 years?

When I was 17, my girlfriend was 34.

@pdworkin Who are you, Ashton Kutcher?

Cradle snatcher!!!!!

@libbinogurl – Just remember that 16 will get you twenty.