How would you feel if your spouse had strippers at their bachelor/bachelorette party?

Depends if Im allowed to have strippers at MY party or not.

I think you are right on!

I totally agree. It is a childish and shallow behavior.

Except for the single guys that go. That is the catch.

My opinion is that you can do whatever you feel like doing during your bachelor/bachelorette party.

And this is definitely a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation. If you love your fiance, you should allow her that one last moment of freedom. Don’t be such a control freak.

I don’t think of an engaged man as “free” so I have an issue with it. I also find anyone that needs to get drunk to get married odd MHO

Disgusted.

@PapaLeo You point of view suggests that getting married is some sort of binding or confinement. Completely the wrong attitude

@SpatzieLover: Forever and a day in my family it’s been looked at as disrespectful to have the type of bashes that encourage debauchery. I mean c’mon, that’s the type of stuff you do with your spouse, that’s why the two of you are marrying each other ~
Anyhoo, I don’t like the idea because I know strippers, know what they do for side money and I know after years of observation that some people cannot handle alcohol coupled with their impulses and they do stupid things they may regret and others will likely regret.

I wouldn’t enjoy it- yet it would be his party.

Plus if someone did that to him, I trust him to be mortally embarrassed and awkwardly trying to find a place to tip without needing a shower later.

I’ve never understood the custom. I mean, I see how, if you’re a certain type of guy, you want to get plastered and maybe indulge yourself in a last fuck before you get married. Maybe it’s about embarrassing the groom. I think it appeals to a certain type of guy, and for most of the rest of us, it’s mortifying and unpleasant.

If my friends had taken me to such a thing, I think I would have wondered if they had become pod people.

I think the custom appeals to a certain kind of cynical person. The kind of man who would call his wife “the old ball and chain.” These men, it seems to me, might not be taking the right approach to marriage. They might say it’s all in good fun, but if there’s any hanky-panky going on between the guy and the stripper (or the girl and the stripper), then I wouldn’t place much confidence in the marriage.

Even if it’s just to embarrass the groom, I think that at best, it is in extremely bad taste. I don’t even want to think about the worst. Nope. It’s a cliche, and it ain’t cool.

I’m wondering the same thing. I’m engaged and I haven’t brought up this sensitive subject to my fiancé yet. I know his friends will more than likely try to convince him to have strippers. I’m not interested at all in seeing men wearing thongs flop their junk in my face at my bachelorette party. And I’m not comfortable with soon to be hubby having women rubbing all over him. He’s mine. He’s engaged. He’s not available. So who on earth even came up with such an awful idea? Single men/women should be the only ones allowed to have strippers at a party. Not men/women who are getting married!

I’d be cool with it.
Why do I care if every once in a while he likes to see another woman’s bits or watch her do things that get him aroused?
He’s emotionally connected to me. Those women aren’t a threat to my relationship. As long as it remains a once in a while thing and isn’t at the expense of our time together, go see boobies.

See, I would have no problem with my boyfriend if we were to get married seeing strippers. Seeing, that’s it. I don’t want him touching them in a sexual way. I trust him to know that and I trust that he wouldn’t cheat me. I don’t, however, trust his friends. I don’t really know his friends that well but I would be worried that they might try to get him really drunk and have him do something he otherwise would not do.

In all honesty, i think the ideal party would be if we both went to strip clubs together.

GAs to all who said they wouldn’t have a problem with it. I don’t see the big deal, either. People who are adamantly against it strike me as uptight and/or insecure.

@MacBean Or we just prefer commitments that don’t include porn

@MacBean Uptight? Insecure? No. I just find it inappropriate and unnecessary.

I don’t want to judge people who dislike their SO looking at porn or strippers. But I can’t imagine the mindset of someone who wants to be everything to their SO, to the point of trying to bar visual stimulation from other people on occasion.

@Likeradar The idea is that you do sexual things with your partner and no one else.

Instead of getting upset (which I’m on the edge of doing right now) I think I’ll just agree to disagree. In my mind, my fiancé shouldn’t have to go out to strip clubs and stare at other naked women. I have heard too many stories about grooms cheating on their brides because the strippers offer them more than just a lap dance. I trust my fiancé completely. And I know he would never cheat. But that doesn’t make it right for him to go watch naked women and slip dollar bills into their panties. But clearly, not everybody sees the issue here, which is fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But to say I’m uptight or insecure is ridiculous and judgemental.

I would question his maturity, respect for me, and readiness to commit. I have no problem with him checking out a nice looking woman, but having a stripper actively trying to turn him on is completely different.

I would not be attracted to the type of man who would be interested in strip clubs anyway. I find it sleazy in general. If that makes me uptight, so be it.

@Supacase GA. Thank you!

@Likeradar My husband & I are of the same mindset on this. We both find it to be unjustified, undignified and trashy. That’s us. To each his own in their own relationships. Ours is a commitment of two.

@all Yeah, I’m not judging you guys for how you want your relationships set up. I just don’t understand the mindset, that’s all.

@Likeradar You don’t understand our mindset? So, you can’t understand why we want our s/o’s to be commited to only us? Why we want them to be sexually satisfied by only us? Why we don’t find it appropriate for them to go to trashy stripbars to gawk over naked chics? Hmm. Seems pretty obvious to me. What’s not to understand?

@Likeradar It boggles my mind that someone could not understand fidelity within a marriage.

I know he would never want that, and even if he did he respects and loves me too much to do something I’m uncomortable with

@ItalianPrincess1217 and @Supacase GA both.

I really don’t get the mindset, either. I don’t see visual stimulation as infidelity, so having a problem with porn really boggles my mind. And as for strippers… they’re not the same thing as hookers, you know. I’ve never known or heard of a stripper who let guys touch. So, again, he’s not cheating. He’s being teased. And unless he falls in love and leaves you, what is the problem?

@MacBean In my religion what you just described is infidelity of thought.

@ItalianPrincess1217: Now you’re attacking @Likeradar. I understand where she is coming from. It is natural for people to be attracted to other people. As long as there is no cheating read: physical cheating, not mind cheating then we just don’t understand what the problem is. If looking at a beautiful half naked woman is cheating on you, then perhaps you shouldn’t let your fiance go to the beach, Bikinis aren’t exactly modest swimwear and they certainly aren’t intended to make men look the other way.

A little fantasizing is good for someone. It’s a way to have sexual relationships outside of the relationship without actually going outside the relationship. The way i see it, as long as there is no actual cheating as I said, out here in the real world, not in his/her mind then I just don’t want to know. I know that my boyfriend fantasizes about other women, maybe he does it while we’re having sex, but the point is he is still my boyfriend and has not gone out of the confines of our relationship.

It seems to me that this is less a debate about strippers and more a debate about what constitutes infidelity.

i asked about my Bf having a lapdance a couple of days ago. some things are just wrong. we need to go back to a kinder, gentler time with more respect and not sexstuff everywhere morning, noon and night. many men and women have no doubt wanted a bit more titillation but they curb it. where has male imaginatin gone anyhow?

@SpatzieLover: Ah. Didn’t realize I was debating with religious people. I try not to do that. Logic tends not to work. This is where I bow out of the debate. G’night, folks! Don’t forget to turn out the lights!

@SpatzieLover Exactly lust is lust whether you act on it or not. Putting yourself in the position to lust is just stupid.

@MacBean Religious or not, going into a strip club is not dignified. I prefer a gentleman.

@KatawaGrey It wasn’t an attack. It was an explanation. Like I said…I’ll agree to disagree. And in my defense, I was referred to as being insecure and uptight. And I felt the need to explain why I think my s/o shouldn’t go to stripclubs. I believe in being faithful. And cheating doesn’t have to solely be physical. I’m more threatened by emotional affairs. I’m not religious and I still have the same beliefs as @SpatzieLover. I don’t think it’s responsible to put yourself in a situation that can potentially lead to cheating. And hopefully not everyone is so blind as to think that there aren’t strippers out there who, if offered the right amount of money, won’t do extra favors for you. Believe me. They will. My s/o’s best friend had it happen to him. The girl let things go further with every dollar that he dished out. And because of that incident, his gf left him. It’s fine if my man looks at a beautiful woman. That’s natural. When he sees a good looking actress on tv he tells me. So as you said about beaches…I have no issue with him thinking a girl in a bikini is beautiful. But going out of his way to get lapdances at a stripclub is completely different. That’s apples and oranges. Don’t compare the two.

I don’t have a problem with my guy lusting after other naked women on occasion. In my relationship, that’s fine. We don’t consider lust infidelity. We don’t consider light flirting infidelity. We don’t consider getting turned on by visuals provided by other people infidelity. What you do in your relationships is what you do in your relationships. I’ll take my way any day, but yippie if it works for you.

I wonder if this is a strictly religious v non-religious thing…

@ItalianPrincess1217 “And hopefully not everyone is so blind as to think that there aren’t strippers out there who, if offered the right amount of money, won’t do extra favors for you. Believe me. They will. My s/o’s best friend had it happen to him. The girl let things go further with every dollar that he dished out.”
Not sure why it’s the stripper’s fault, rather than the guy’s… who was handing out the money for favors? Who paid to have things go further than a basic lap dance?

@ItalianPrincess1217: So now it’s lap dances? What if he just went to a strip club and looked at the women?

@Likeradar: Right on! If lust was against the rules in my relationship, I’d never be able to look at another picture of Taylor Lautner again!

@Likeradar >>>>I wonder if this is a strictly religious v non-religious thing…
Look above @ItalianPrincess1217 said it’s not. As did I. Even when I wasn’t “practicing” my religion, I felt exactly as I do today.

@SpatzieLover To each their own…
Me saying I don’t understand the mindset shouldn’t bug anyone if they’re really comfortable with their beliefs.

@Likeradar Show me where I ever said it was the stripper’s fault?? It was my s/o’s friend’s fault for letting things go that far. But don’t you see how it could’ve been avoided by not putting himself in that situation to begin with?

@Likeradar Just to clear up the religious vs. non-religious comment, I don’t have a religion and I feel the way I do.

@ItalianPrincess1217
“My s/o’s best friend had it happen to him. The girl let things go further with every dollar that he dished out”
The language you used made it sound like you were painting him as a victim. It’s not “my s/o’s best friend did that” or “he paid to have things go further.” Your wording made it sound like things were done to him. But ok if that’s not what you meant.

Yeah, it could have been avoided if he didn’t go to the strip club… but it also could have been avoided if he and his s/o talked about what’s ok and what’s not before he went (maybe they did) and if he wasn’t a jackass who kept paying a stripper to do things that aren’t ok within the confines of his relationship.

I’m a person who believes in limits, not in not doing things at all just in case something negative happens.

@KatawaGrey Yes. Lapdances. The question was about bachelorette/bachelor parties. That’s what happens at those parties. Lapdances. Especially for the person who is actually getting married. They pay special attention to them.

@Likeradar I happen to believe that like attracts like. If you keep yourself in positive situations it’s easier to creat positivity. If you put yourself into harm’s way, harm will likely happen. If you go to a strip club for fun, or to get turned on, likely a situation will at some point present itself.

@ItalianPrincess1217: Lose the tone. Even typing I can hear it from you. I only asked because I wanted clarification. Since you seem to have so much experience I personally have never been to a bachelor or bachelorette party and so do not know what goes on there Then maybe you should sit down with your fiance and tell him what you wouldn’t be comfortable with at his bachelor party.

I’m walking away from this post now. I believe what I believe. It works for my fiancé and I. If letting your s/o go to stripclubs is working for you, then so be it.

@SpatzieLover I assume part of the fun of a strip club is having the situations present themselves. Luckily, I chose partners who will get a boner, say no thanks, and come home to me.

—an interesting, and polarizing, question—

@Likeradar Luckily I have a partner who chooses to keep his boners at home ;)

@Likeradar: Thank you! You are a wise woman indeed. If you or your partner gets aroused by someone or something else and comes home to you, who cares? When I see and attractive man or woman, I want to go hop on my bf and have myself a good time. Who cares where it comes from as long as you know where it comes. I couldn’t resist.

Ah, I love it when people declare they are walking away. It’s like when the tailgater flips you off as he speeds past you going 20 miles an hour faster.

BTW-@all can completely avoid the whole bachelor/bachelorette party scenario by eloping (it eliminates 99.9% of all wedding scenario issues;)

@KatawaGrey I know it. I have total respect for people I disagree with but can stick it out, debate, and give valid points. I see walking away as = to saying “I haven’t thought about my opinion at all, but damnit I have one and FU for encouraging me to think and not agreeing with me or giving in to my nastiness. This is hard!”

Save the strippers for us single people!

@Likeradar & KatawaGrey Really? That’s what you think of me? I’m walking away not because I don’t want to “think” anymore but because you both are clearly not going to see things from my pov. And to stress over this, and wear myself out is not worth it to me. So you can say what you like about me, but walking away is not giving up. It’s being the bigger person.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities: Done! You can have mine. I’ve been collecting them for years from cereal boxes.

@ItalianPrincess1217: And yet, you came back. Maybe if you weren’t so defensive and didn’t act like every differing opinion was an affront to your morals, we wouldn’t be making these comments now. Look at @SpatzieLover‘s latest remarks. Totally cool and humorous. She has a different opinion but she tried to mend things by making a cute, funny comment. That makes her the bigger person here.

For the record, I have no interest in being the bigger person in this argument, in case anyone wants to accuse me of trying to do so.

@KatawaGrey I don’t know about @ItalianPrincess1217 but someone saying it’s ok to let some strange woman grind on a soon-to-be married man’s genitals is an affront to my morals.

@Facade: First of all, if you read my original comment, I said I’m not okay with the touching but I am okay with the looking. Second of all, even after we had established that it was the touching @ItalianPrincess1217 had a problem with, she chose to leave rather than continue the discussion.

@ItalianPrincess1217 I guess the difference is is that I don’t see this conversation as even a little bit stressful or having the remote possibility of having the ability to “wear myself out”.
I find it interesting to see how different people live and experience relationships. I’m interested in why people believe and live the way they do.
I don’t give a shit if you keep your man in a kali’s teeth belt when he leaves the house or if you set goals for how many strangers he should f*ck in a given day, as long as it’s consensual. But I am curious about why.

My point is, I don’t see these conversations as a way to convince people of my POV or that I’m right. And walking away from a conversation being annoyed because you’re not seen as “right” or because people have a different POV than you (which is what it seemed like to me) is lame.

Why the hell am I being attacked here? This is like high school all over again. How many times must I say that everyone is entitled to live their life in their own way. It’s unbelievable to me that because I chose to walk away I have to read rude comments about it! That’s absolutely immature and completely off topic. I lost all respect for those who chose to fight below the belt.

But you didn’t walk away. You’re still here…

@Likeradar I’m only worn out because it has turned into a constant back and forth bickering and ganging up on eachother. That’s not the kind of debate I want to be involved in.

@KatawaGrey Do you see what you’re doing? Seriously. Just stop while you’re ahead. Yes I’m still here. Because I was going to continue observing the post to see what others had to say about the subject. But to my surprise as soon as I “walked away” I was being rudely talked about. You didn’t really expect me to stand by and watch that, did you?

@ItalianPrincess1217 Huh. I don’t feel ganged up on or like most people are bickering. Sorry if you do. Have a good one.

I’m at a complete loss for words…My opinion on strippers still stands. I’m exhausted. Buh bye.

I’m in the camp that doesn’t see the point. If it’s looked at as “one last night of freedom”, anyone with that point of view shouldn’t be getting married. And a lot of the time, strippers – especially outside of strip clubs – are willing to do more than just dance. I live in a city that has a much smaller population than L.A., but we have so many more strip clubs that it’s bordering on pathetic. I could not tell you how many horror stories I’ve heard about the kind of things that sometimes go on. It’s usually not innocent.

It is stressful for @ItalianPrincess1217 because she is engaged and this is a subject she will be dealing with in real life, not just hypothetically on a website. It is obviously a subject she feels strongly about as well as one that has some emotion and anxiety attached. I think it would nice if we just cut her a break here.

@Supacase GA!

@Supacase :) Thanks for understanding.

I don’t think I’d marry someone that found strippers at a private party to be appropriate. I don’ have anything against strippers, or strip clubs…I’ve gone with my husband. But, I just find it to be something that would bother me. I wouldn’t forbid him from going to a bachelor party with strippers, but I also wouldn’t be too thrilled…and I doubt he’d be too excited either.
I agree with @Supacase‘s post on the matter.

If you are going to marry someone you should love them and trust them more than anyone else in the world, right?
If you know they love you so much, shouldn’t you put their pleasure above your jealousy?

@benjaminlevi Not if their pleasure involves hurt, pain or damage to their s/o, no.

i agree totally with italianprincess. it’s the feeling in her gut. it’s the feeling in a lot of people’s guts.

@SpatzieLover and if it didn’t?

@benjaminlevi Like I said earlier, to each his own. In my relationship it would be the beginning of the end. In someone else’s it could be consider a night of pleasure/leisure.

@benjaminlevi Um. No. Marrying someone doesn’t mean I have to be a doormat. I’m not going to do things that I don’t enjoy for his pleasure. And I’m not jealous of a stripper, that is not the reason I find my husband going to be disrespectful.

also, @PapaLeo you are obviously not married as there aren’t many “don’t ask don’t tell” moments in a marriage. I tell my husband everything. Yes, I have private thoughts but I share my feelings and experiences with my husband.

@casheroo This is a matter of perspective. I am married, long and happily, and share gladly with my wife. But I also believe that there is something as too much honesty. Why tell someone you love something that you know will hurt them? To relieve your own guilt? I find that incredibly selfish.

And, with all respect, I find your statements “I tell my husband everything” and “I have private thoughts” to be contradictory. When most people say “everything”, that’s exactly what they mean. I find that hurtful. I love my wife very much and I keep my private thoughts to myself. I don’t find these mutually exclusive.

@PapaLeo I didn’t contradict myself, I stated later in that paragraph that I share my feelings and experiences with my husband. To me, what you do is just lie to your spouse. If you were to go to a strip club, where do you tell your wife you are at? Or is that “don’t ask” on her part, so she never asks “oh, honey where are you going tonight? when will you be back” that never happens in your relationship?? You just don’t tell each other where you are going? I find that very weird.

@casheroo In your scenario building, you are forgetting something very important that belongs in every relationship, including mine: love and trust. I would never do anythng that might hurt her, if she found out, because I love her so much. And because we trust each other, we don’t pry.

Let’s use our opening scenario as an example:
Her: “So, honey, how was the party tonight with your friends? Did you have fun?”
Me: “Boy, I sure did! What a hoot!”
It is then up to me to either fill in the details or not. If I choose not to, no problem. There’s no prying, no piercing questions, no cold stares. You know why? Because we trust each other. She trusts me that I would never do anything that might hurt her, should she find out.

No, I don’t lie to my wife (any more than you do when you withhold your “private thoughts”), and she doesn’t force me into a situation where she feels she needs to demand the truth.

We love each other. What’s so weird about that?

@PapaLeo Nothing weird if that is what works for you. I have the same feelings as @casheroo. Yes love and trust are important, but communication should always be at the top of that list for any couple. My husband and I have “kept the truth” from each other before for fear of hurting the others feelings. Those actions almost broke up our 18 year marriage. Once we decided to not keep any secrets from each other and to be open and honest about our feelings, we became a truly happy couple. Since when is communication the same as prying?

@jsammons Sorry for getting off topic.

@jonsblond not trying to pry into his thoughts, but with how well we communicate, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind getting off topic in this case. This is the main issue here in his opinion. I agree with you and @casheroo. That’s great that PapaLeo can work his marriage out like that. Amazing, but great if it works.
We share almost everything that happens in a day. Down to the tiniest thing. It really helps to keep things fresh and well as bond. Otherwise conversation gets stagnate.
As far as the stripper thing goes, no, no strippers. I won’t go into that. @Supacase and many others said it well.

@jonsblond Not at all, I’m enjoying seeing where this is going. I like to see all sides of a perspective. If you start talking about zebras or something we might have to talk though :P

@Clair I’m sure your husband is just to die for :P hehe

I would have no problem with it. I am with likeradar and the others who said they dont see what the big deal is. I went to a stripclub with my SO last week and it was fun. I want to do it again, it is fun to watch. I wouldn’t even care if he got a lap dance from one of them, if I could I would buy one for him. He loves me and I love him, we enjoy making love and doing things together and that is all that matters.

This stuff has nothing to do with comittment to me, my SO is committed to me because he loves me and will never leave me or cheat one me. By cheating on me I mean doing something without it being discussed first.