How much contact should my GF have with her ex?

I have to add she has a kind heart and I don’t think she cheating with him. she has told me if she really wanted to be with him she would go back to him.

no dude, you’re not wrong for being upset.
if she’s telling her ex that you two aren’t in a relationship, maybe you shouldn’t be.

well in all fairness he texted her the other night after I got so angry and called him. his text was” I try to stay out of ur relationship with him. but he called me just to piss me off.sorry if I distroyed another relationship for you

if it doesnt matter what he thinks and they dont care what each other does, than why say you have just dated a few times?

@jason65 how old are all of you?

she is 35 years old hispanic woman

What you just described is already way too much. She isn’t being honest with someone – whether it is you or him, it says a lot about the kind of person she is. I suppose some people lie just to lie, but in my world there must be some reason for it.

He is tied to her for life because of their child. You are not. I would move on and find someone who respects you. I know it is easier said than done, but it can be done.

I rarely if ever give relationship advice on fluther. I couldn’t pass this one up.

Honesty is not your girlfriend’s strongest suit. You can either allow yourself to continue getting tangled in her web of deceit, or you can walk away.

Take it from some who’s been in a blended family, you don’t want to get emotionally involved with children with whom you have no legal rights unless you’re in this for the long haul. In the end, it’s always the kids who hurt the worst. Trust me on that.

As far as whether you have a right to be upset… you should consider your anger a sign that your mind isn’t completely f***ed yet by this relationship – and use it to fuel your game plan. You’re getting played. While it is absolutely necessary and normal to carry on some semblance of a relationship with an ex when there are kids involved (hopefully anyways – you WANT your SO to at least be civil with their ex or more grief will abound) it sounds like your GF has no boundaries, and is not devoted to you. Is that really the type of person you have always imagined yourself with? Look at it this way, if she were a best friend and not your GF, and pulled some of these stunts would you be OK with that?

If you know she’s not cheating on you/having an affair then let her do what she wants; from my point of view you still have some growing up to do.

In this situation, a healthy relationship for everyone would involve everyone being clear about who they are, and what they mean to your girlfriend. The ex should be clear that he is just that – and that his role is strictly as amicable caregive to the mutual child. Late texts/ calls shouldn’t be accepted unless it’s urgent and about the child, and boundaries need to be set for who is the ‘primary’ relationship.

Your role is as current partner and that should be reinforced by your girlfriend to her ex, and also, to you. It sounds like she’s not doing that either.

I’d communicate your needs for role definition to her, and give her one more shot – including the boundaries issue. If that doesn’t work, move on. Quickly.

If the two of them were having this kind of amicable communication with his knowledge of your relationship status with her then I’d say no big deal. For some reason though, she’s hedging on acknowledging you as her serious partner and in your shoes, I wouldn’t like that at all and wouldn’t tolerate it for long because hurt leads to suspicion which leads to indulging in behaviors you’ll be angry for doing and bitterness will grow.

If he doesn’t care what she does, why does she care not to share that the two of you are together? something’s fishy here…I don’t think she’s cheating on you but I do think she is not telling you all about how she is emotionally tied to her ex

Dude. Walk away, calmly.

However much she wants. You don’t have to like it and you can choose to leave. She has a right to her own friends and her own feelings.

There’s are limits when in a relationship. Otherwise, what’s the point? She does have a kid from the other guy so he will NEVER be completely out the picture. Just walk away man. Lots of fish in the sea. Don’t settle for being second.

“Her and I started seeing each other just before she ended her relationship with her ex boyfriend.” That should be a major concern now that you’re with her. Who’s to say if she doesn’t like the way things are going now that this could be her gray transitional stage in between two relationships.

Staying in contact? That’s fine. Not telling him that you two are serious? Not right.

@jason65 but how old are you?

They have a child together. I would think that gives her a pretty good reason to be in contact with him on a daily basis.

It’s not “her and I.” It’s “she and I. I rarely go grammatical on anyone’s ass, but this one was definitely driving me bonkers. Especially since you switched back and forth.”

As much as she wants.

Some people love drama. I need my relationships to be a sanctuary, not chaos!

You’re in a bad spot. If she still loves her ex, your relationship is in deep trouble.

@jason65, You’re making this sound like two dogs fighting over a piece of meat. Perhaps she should take her son as far away from the pissing contest you and her ex seem to be enjoying.

You are dating, not committing to marry her, right? Just dating. Just started dating. She has a relationship that was serious enough to produce a child. That will never, ever, ever go away. Either the child or the relationship. If you can’t handle that like a man, you need to move on to someone with no baggage. Good luck finding that person.

@PandoraBoxx You’re taking his post completely out of context. When did he ever say they were “fighting” over her?

“Perhaps she should take her son as far away…” How the hell did she become the innocent victim in this mess?

Her ex calls her EVERY day. That bothers him. That’s it. That won’t ever change. There’s no contest for her time or affection from what he’s mentioned. The girl could just be “passing time” with him until something solid forms with the ex. Then she’ll just kick him to the curb. Innocent she is not!

I agree on one thing though. He should face it, grow up and just have as much meaningless sex with her as possible and just enjoy the ride until it’s over because it will be over. There’s no ifs, and, or buts (except her butt) about it.

If he’s looking for something serious, she isn’t the one for him. Her actions say her heart is with her ex.

I’ve long approached this from a different angle that gives me peace of mind. It doesn’t feel good, but that’s actually the whole point.

You observe things. You are having unpleasant feelings. Those are yours. They are justified. You just have to understand them, and decide what action is reasonable.

Forget justified. Justified = rights. Rights ruin relationships. Emotional negotiation saves relationships.

That said. You feel shitty and may or may not be on target – at this time however, without further calculation – your emotions have done the math.

Is it fair/justified to walk away if she’s interacting with the father of her child. Your post gives many clues that she is not done with him.

I would face the hard facts that this relationship makes you feel bad. If it matters enough to you perhaps your significant other will go into (marital) counseling. If not – give her level of commitment and concern to your feelings a longer thought.

If she is not interested in helping in the relationship, you are under no obligation to invest further in it.

I have read some great and not-so great answers to this one. From what I can tell, this girl clearly has conflicting emotions about both her ex and her current boyfriend. Both the girl and the guy need to clarify their relationship. Is it an open one? Are they free to date other people? If not, then they both need to understand that an exclusive relationship is one where both parties agree that they like and care enough for each other to limit their other relationships. If they are exclusive, then there shouldn’t be any long, late-night conversations with an ex, no every day communication, even about the child, unless there is joint custody, and no secrets or reluctance about telling someone you used to care for, that you are with someone you care for now.