Etiquette Question: How would you say this?

Aren’t you supposed to keep a professional relationship with your clients? Your personal business should be off-limits. If you don’t share they cannot pry.

Ignore. Redirect. Say that you are busy working.

@tinyfaery It is a different type of atmosphere. Essentially what I did do was ignore her but she kept persisting. I work in the community room. I host events and give out resources etc… So it is really a friendly atmosphere as much as it is personal. Also I’m obviously pregnant so sharing or not it invites comments.

What you suggested are great counseling techniques. However I’m looking for a more direct approach. If one exists.

can’t you say ‘please these stories scare me and the baby!’ in a slightly joking manner but then stick to it

I would re-direct the conversation by interrupting. When they start in on their horror story- but in with a horror story (not about pregnancy/delivery/obgyns ) that you heard on the news. Then you won’t seem like you’re telling them to drop it (which would hurt their pride) and it will also seem like you’re so excited to talk to them and get their opinion about this New Horror I Heard On The News.

After you’re done with your story fnd something to distract them with. Or you can use the ‘Oh man I hate having to pee every five minutes’ bit.

@gemiwing I may just have to use the “i have to pee” scenario. That is something I can easily see myself doing.

I would also use ‘It’s bad luck to talk about deliveries before they happen’. Because, imho, it is.

For the horror stories, I would eschew politeness since the teller has already crossed the boundaries of manners and good taste. Stop them before they get rolling. Hold up a hand (physical gestures help) and say, “Thank you, but I am not interested in hearing about that.” If they persist (and unbelievably enough some will), I would say, “Please stop.” Just that. Repeat as needed.

For the doctor/midwife/birthing facility, I would smile and say, “Thank you for the input. I am happy with my choice.” Repeat as necessary.

@Marina Very practical. I do that with my family. I may just have to do that at work as well. What a bumper.

@RedPowerLady I actually took the horror story I knew of (it was BAD) to my perinatologist. She talked over the concern with me. And, she knew that I did not want to labor as long as the horror victim had, so she wrote on my chart that I was not to push for over X hours, otherwise she advised a C-section. Her notes did help the doc on call that night in getting my birthing process sped up with drugs!

Personally, I’d just shrug off this one and say, I prefer my doctor, but I appreciate your concern. I had a midwife and a different hospital, then midway through I felt uncomfortable with the lack of advice for my rough pregnancy, and I switched docs & hospitals

I had the same trouble while I was pregnant. People feel like they need to tell you their advice or their stories and not all of it is good for a pregnant woman to hear. I agree with @Marina. Even if the person you are talking to is sensitive, and wants to help, they should be able to respect that you can and will be making the best decisions for you and your baby without hearing the details of another woman’s complications. Therefore, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to tell anyone dishing out stories and advice “thanks, but no thanks.” Especially if they’re being pushy!

Maybe say something along the lines of “I appreciate your corncern but I’m getting so overwhelmed by all these different people giving me their opinions and horror stories. I don’t want to spend my pregnancy worrying.”

@SpatzieLover Thanx, I appreciate the personal note.

@d_felice I love the understanding!!!!!!!

@ItalianPrincess1217 Very practical, thanks. It really is overwhelming.

@faye I like the half joking, I do that a lot personally. I’m not sure it would work for this crowd but I like the idea of it.

@SpatzieLover, I think that what you’ve just said is the kind of thing that @RedPowerLady doesn’t care to talk about right now. Wasn’t her question about how to tell someone she’d rather not hear any horror stories?

Thanks @RedPowerLady, glad to hear it!! I was there myself not so long ago! I wish the best for you and your baby!! ; )

@d_felice Thank you for the good wishes, that always makes me feel better :)

Very classy way of handling it @ItalianPrincess1217, good suggestion!

@d_felice Horror stories are bound to be hears. Why? Because when your pregnant your brain is focused on the pregnancy. “Am i normal?” “Is the baby okay?” etc. I din’t share the horror story, nor would I unless I was asked.

All I can add as advise was given above. Shrug it off. Moms mean to be helpful, not harmful. They aren’t looking to scare anyone, just to let you know what could happen if you aren’t cautious.

BTW-had a doctor friend of mine not raised a red flag of concern over something I’d shared with him, I might not have changed to a perinatologist, and may have suffered during birth because of it. Sometimes people have knowledge you don’t and just want to help.

@RedPowerLady After I posted that, I was sorry that I had not said how badly I feel that you are having to endure this.

I wish that I knew what this universal human impulse is to do this to people. Many of the stories are not even first hand. “My cousin’s wife’s sister . . .”

Anyone’s pregnancy seems to be something people feel they have a right and interest in as members of the same species, deluded though they may be. How are you handling the “touchers”? I wish you the grace and patience to endure and with a smile if possible.

Great Answer @Marina, I was thinking the same thing about the human impulse to be involved in another person’s pregnancy! Couldn’t have said it better…

@SpatzieLover, That’s true, but the less nerve-racking things a woman has to hear while she’s pregnant, the better. I’m sure you have the best intentions when speaking with another mother but your answer seemed to be right on the cusp of something that might cause alarm or at least a little unnecessary worry in a pregnant Mother. I agree, you didn’t share a lot of detail though so I may be just a little extra sensitive to the scary stuff.

Great answers above. I might just add the suggestion to bring someone else into the decision… “My husband/family/friend and I made the decision together after looking at different options…”

People seem to be able to relate that others are involved in the decision, whatever it is. There’s also the aspect that they’d have to convince not only you, but your party of decision makers. It’s too much work, on to the next topic.

If that doesn’t work, definitely say you have to pee ;)

It may be to late in your case, but the best advice, is to keep your private life private from your work life. Not letting the conversation get so personal as to, “who is your doctor, ” or where are you having the baby” with clients (especially in low income housing, they have a way of trying to get up in your business in a friendly way then using it against you later says the voice of experience.) Just answer, “You know, my husband and I are pretty private people. We don’t like all our personal info out in the public, but thanks for your concern.”
This crap is always uncomfortable, but having the courage to set boundaries with people like that is worth it for your personal life and for your business life as well. That yucky feeling in your gut when they start to get to personal means something. Listen to it and lay down the boundaries!!
Congrats on the baby by the way!! I hope your birth experience is perfectly normal, healthy and AMAZING!!

I feel like I have to add that there is something about the sisterhood of women that compels many of us to enjoy telling and discussing our birth stories. If this is your first child It will be curious to see if you experience this phenomenon after your child is born. The conversations are almost spiritual feeling.
I don’t really have horror stories, but I had to get a little older before I Learned to temper my opinions about things like nursing, and birth. I am a strong advocate of birthing with what the baby is experiencing in mind. (Dark quiet room, nursing to birth the placenta and floating the baby in water soon after birth….) It took maturity for me to respect that other people have different priorities and different opinions on how the birth process should work.

@Marina Thank you so much for understanding as well! I haven’t had any touchers yet. Only people I am really close to. I don’t honestly know how I will handle it if a stranger goes for my belly. I might just slap them silly. jk

@SpatzieLover You are right that horror stories are bound to be heard. However since I have had a previous loss it is not something I can just shrug off. People should be more considerate IMHO.

@funkdaddy Oh I love that! Hubby actually made the decision not to tell anyone baby’s name. When they ask I just tell them hubby said I can’t tell. No one has even questioned me after saying that. I bet it’ll work in other scenarios as well.

@Judi Thank you for the congrats!
I love hearing birth stories as a matter of fact. Just not when I’m pregnant, lol.

I would ask the buttinsky about their credentials in the medical field.
It is extremely rude to give unsolicited medical advice to anyone.
It is also extremely inappropriate and on some level, illegal to ask a coworker about their medical issues. That includes pregnancy.

Also, congratulations.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic ROFL. Wish I had the gull to do just that. I’ll tell hubby this answer, maybe he’ll keep it in mind, hehe.

@RedPowerLady My mother also suffered a loss. I’m sorry to break it to you…the stories still won’t end. Some people have no clue.

@SpatzieLover I understand they won’t end. That really is beyond my point. My point is that it is not something I can ‘shrug off’. I’m sure you understand that if your mother suffered a loss as well.

I liked @ItalianPrincess1217 answer best too.

Maybe you could counter with “How sad for them that out of the (number) of happy parents here they would suffer that unusual fate”. Follow up with how happy you are that your pregnancy is going well.

this would seriously piss me off
i do not remember handling it in any classy manner whatsoever
so my advice would be useless to you
I’d probably blurt it out ‘oh yeah Ms. Cupcake’s baby came out with two heads? well let’s just see how many gallons of blood I can leak out of my vagina? I’ll let you know’

@Simone_De_Beauvoir ROFL!!

@YARNLADY Laughing as well :)

@RedPowerLady :)