Would you want to save your baby if it were born very premature and would definitely have problems?

I would like to say that I would be rational. That I would think about the bigger picture.

I would fight Satan himself if it meant my child would live.

No I would NOT…It is actually something my husband & I have spoken at lengths about.

His cousin has a child the same age as my son. He is a blue baby and had other issues as well. He’s had several open heart surgeries and had to have his organs reversed. He has significant health problems, has cost millions of dollars, and just recently his parents finally faced the fact that he will not survive for more than a a year or two if they are lucky.

I, for one, could not see my child suffer as he has. it is terrible to witness. We have given financial and emotional support to his parents since his birth (they have to come up from Illinois to have his surguries performed at the hospital near our home).

My first instinct would be to say that I would do anything to save my child.

Except then I thought about the amazing financial burden that is, and I don’t see myself as ever being in a position to be able to afford the care my child would need, and I would not want to deny him/her anything he/she needed, and I would feel bad if I had to take shortcuts or cut corners.

I was 8½ months premature

@PretentiousArtist Being a premie would not be the only factor…do you have other significant health issues due to the early birth? Or were you otherwise a healthy babe?

@JLeslie I have witnessed this babe with his chest cracked and tubes in him. I know I would die if it were my own child. We would try to remedy pain, but not allow for lingered suffering.

I don’t know what I would do, but I think I would do anything to save my child. My mom said that’s what she would’ve done. Again, I know you can’t know for sure, but that does seem like something I would do.

And you can’t be 8½ months premature, @PretentiousArtist is shittin’ you. :) The earliest preterm birth in the world was about 5 months premature.

(I was born premature—not by too much, though).

@DominicX I didn’t even catch that @PretentiousArtist put a month in there. I read it as “I was premature Good Catch!

@SpatzieLover I feel the same as you.

I do actually admire you guys for your opinion, I just know how emotional I get

@DominicX I think they save babies, or TRY to save them even in the 5th month sometimes.

@JLeslie Sorry, I changed it to 5. It was 5; I read the article wrong.

My first instinct is to let the baby die, not to try and save it. I think if I were pregnant I would be waiting for the month when I felt ok, even if I go into labor today, the baby will probably be fine kind of home free feeling.

@JLeslie When I was pregnant I was thrilled when week 22 came…then each week after that I just kept saying “ok, he’ll have a fighting chance now”.

Knowing that my husband’s cousin had to come up here to birth so the baby could get his surgery instantly was stressful enough during my pregnancy. Then, having my perfet baby in my arms in front of her at the hospital during each of their long visits was difficult.

Many members of his family compare the kids. It’s difficult for them to see our son developing so well.

@Awww. How sad for them. Can they try again? I’ve had 5 failed pregnancies. If I got pregnant again I would not tell anyone except my sister and husband until after the baby was born I think. My situation was nothing like I describe in the question I had very early miscarriages and ectopics.

This is a question I cannot answer, which is another reason why I won’t be having children.

On a side note, my mother was a premie and a twin. It only affected her a little though.

I will say that unless you are on the verge of losing a child you cannot post an honest answer to this question.

The doctors make it very clear when you are doing more harm than good. My son was going to pass so we elected not to do any procedures because they would not help. So I understand letting a child pass if there is nothing that can really be done, no need to cause prolonged suffering.

But if I knew of anything that would help I would have took those measures.

And having a premature child, which my friends have had, does not mean the child will have horrible health issues.

I do understand that in some circumstances this could happen but you really can’t put a lifespan on a child even with severe medical issues. My hubby’s brother had no kidneys. He is 26 and alive and well.

I know that is very random but it is an amalgam of thoughts based on what is said already.

Losing a child is nothing like any other loss, nothing.

In terms of when they will try and save a preemie, the cutoff for most hospitals is between 24–26 weeks.

I’ll probably leave now as to not be offended personally by anyone’s personal opinion. I just really think that this is one thing you can’t answer without going through it. You simply can’t imagine what it is like to lose a child. Or likewise to let one suffer.

@JLeslie I certainly HOPE NOT! The reason this happened was genetics. Both of them knew what could happen if they got pregnant together. Her husband has several other children from various girlfriends, so she can play mom with them. This was just a bad situation all around, since she has significant health problems herself.

@SpatzieLover Oh. I did not expect that answer. Was the baby planned in the first place?

I know several people who were preemies and who have problems that will endure throughout their lives, but knowing them I would have to say that yes, I would have to fight to save my child.

One girl will never walk on her own and has some learning disabilities, but she has such a cheerful and generous nature that I can’t imagine what her parents would have lost if they hadn’t fought for her. Another girl has difficulty in walking and so wears braces, but she is doing very well in high school and plans to go on to college and a career. Again, how could her parents weigh what her loss would have meant to them?

Then again, I know at least two preemies who were considered at risk but who overcame or never developed predicted issues. One is in college right now, and the other is a nurse whose color-blindness and lack of a sense of smell he says helps him cope. In fact, he works in NICU with very small preemies.

The problem is that every baby is a potential unique personality who will contribute something to his family and to the world. As long as the child has a chance to live, we need to seize on that chance.

OTOH, if a child has no chance for any sort of cognizant or painfree life, then generally doctors will let you know that nothing can be done.

@JLeslie No. To be frank and blunt, it was sickening to hear they were pregnant…though my husband had predicted it would happen just before we were told about it.

@Darwin Beautiful examples and great answer!

@RedPowerLady So sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine, I would be devastated. I agree, as I said in the original question that it is hard to know unless you are in the situation yourself. I am only guessing what I would do.

@RedPowerLady I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m 24 weeks pregnant, which is considered “viability” and they would probably attempt to save the baby. I think I would want any and all intervention, because my baby is healthy otherwise. I’m in the mindset, that if I were to go into labor tomorrow..it’s be because of MY body and not the baby’s body. If something were wrong with the baby, such as certain birth defects (chromosomal issues) we would let nature take it’s course…as painful as that would be.
But, if the baby were healthy but just premature, I would want to try to save the baby.

I don’t know though. I have no clue what it would be like. I had preterm labor issues with my first pregnancy, and was given medication to stop the contractions and I made it to full term at 39 weeks 1 day. I can feel the contractions starting already…and having a two year old that wants me to carry and jump on me is not making it any easier. I do think I’ll go earlier than my first, but hopefully I’ll still be full term and the baby will be done cooking.

@Darwin OTOH, if a child has no chance for any sort of cognizant or painfree life, then generally doctors will let you know that nothing can be done.

Not always. The doctors were not direct with this couple until recently. In this particular situation, the couple were also in denial throughout the pregnancy…they kept thinking somehow the doctors were “making it sound worse”.

We fully understood how difficult each surgery would be for their baby…they didn’t. He has to undergo drug withdrawal after each procedure. It is difficult to witness a baby in so much pain.

@SpatzieLover I kind of think mentally if I did not feel home free yet, meaning I was not far enough along, I would be less impacted. Meaning, my failed pregnancies, although terribly dissapointing, I think were much less traumatic than my girlfriend who lost two pregnancies one in her 4th and one in the 5th month. And even still that compared to an infant born full term, but then you have to make decisions because something is wrong. Each stage has different emotions for me.

@SpatzieLover Do you think some of it is money? Do you think the doctors want the money? It is very expensive to keep premies alive. I don’t think most people in this particular field are motivated by the money, but I wondered what you thought. Probably some are.

I can’t answer for sure because I’m not in the situation, but I guess it depends on how severe the problems were. And if they were going to be severe, I guess it depends on whether or not I would have the money to make life as comfortable and good for them as possible. It’s a hard thing to imagine. I’m all about quality of life, not just life. That’s not to say that quality of life would necessarily be bad in a situation like that… But yeah, I don’t know. It’s hard to think about.

@JLeslie I am sorry you’ve never carried to term. I had customer’s that were regular’s…they had miscarried 7 times before they finally sought further specialist care. Turned out they had a rare situation where her body terminated the pregnancy at 9 weeks each time due to the couple having extremely similar DNA.

They did get a treatment for it (a shot), with the next two pregnancies, but found out that they were in an even rarer predicament when the shots didn’t work (it works 98 or99% of the time).

They really wanted children, and were then “too old” to adopt.

@DrasticDreamer Very honest. GA.

@JLeslie Regarding money: Yes. This has generated funding to the hospital and the doctors.

O man, @JLeslie I’m actually in the middle of reading the book Children’s Hospital (for the second time.) It’s a heart breaker.

@SpatzieLover – Probably the doctors assumed this couple was listening and was intelligent. They didn’t realize the parents were in extreme denial. Doctors are human and they don’t like to lose a patient, so sometimes they try to soften the blow. However, it sounds as if once the docs realized they weren’t getting through they were more specific but the parents still refused to listen.

I really appreciated the doctor who asked me if I had a black dress when I asked for my husband’s prognosis after his gangrenous gall bladder ruptured. He had about a 10% chance of survival.

@Darwin Exactly the problem. I’m a band aid ripper. I tell the docs to give it to me straight on. Personally, I think some major counseling should be prescribed if you give birth in this type of situation. It’s a lot to process without professional help.

I was in on many of the conversations and a few of the cardiologists did make it all sound too easy. A few times my husband or I asked questions about the bypass or about how long his chest would remain open after surgery.

Personally, I don’t think any doctor should make open heart surgery sound easy. Especially not when an infant is the one on the table.

@Darwin: That was his answer to the question about prognosis? I would’ve punched him.

In theory I could have said “no”. But my answer is a definite “yes”. I can understand the reasons why some people may choose abortion, and in some cases it does seem to be the best choice all around. But this is my child you’re talking about, and I don’t care what logic says, I want it to live. In the same way that I wouldn’t want my leg amputated, regardless of the consequences, I’d never want this part of me killed, no matter what.

My daughter was born with a tumor that was luckily removed with an operation. She is healthy now. The gynaecologist had overlooked it when running the tests on my wife, but I think that if he had noticed, he might have persuaded us to abort. There were many possible problems that she could have faced, and even today the doctors are not sure what caused the tumor and what the implications could have been under different circumstances.

So on a medical level, I am extremely happy that the doctor missed it, and feel very lucky. I would have never met this wonderful child. On a philosophical level of course, perhaps she was not meant to be born, and we’re playing with God’s will (who said God’s against abortion, or death?). Maybe God’s plan was for her to be aborted, and the doctor messed it up. Or maybe the plan was for her to die soon after birth, and the surgeon messed that one up. So the religious argument could work pro-abortion quite easily in fact. There’s no way of determining God’s will (especially since he seems to not be playing dice, but “an obscure card game, whose rules He only knows, in the dark, and He’s cheating”).

@dominicX my godson was 5m premature. he had to spend 3 months in an incubator. When he was born he was smaller than a packet of cigarettes!
He’s a healthy (and very tall and fat) 6-year-old now :)

@Jack79 Just to be clear the question is not about abortion or having something found in utero. The problems would only be caused by the premature birth, not other causes in the example of my question.

So basically she wouldn’t do everything to save it and let it die if it was “God’s Will”? I can understand the morality of that too. I know my answer may be a little off-topic, but it’s basically the same moral argument. It’s because of this experience that I am sure I’d do everything to save it.

btw my daughter was born premature on top of everything else. And at the worst possible time: exactly on the 8th month (it’s better to be born in the 7th than the 8th). But she was much bigger than normal, so she was almost like a 9m baby (just shy of 2kg = over 4lb)

@Jack79 I hope I did not come across that I did not value your answer, I appreciate that you shared your personal experience and your opinion, I just was not sure if you had misunderstood so I was clarifying. :).

No, I was not offended and yes, I did misunderstand, I thought you meant if you knew that it was going to be premature before it was born. I just didn’t read it carefully.

my friend is a NICU nurse too and she’d keep them all even the ones who are born at 24 weeks…she really wants children, she sees a lot of them neglected…I don’t know where I’m going with this…if the baby was very preemie, it’d be easier for me, don’t know why, to let it go..but I can not talk until I’d be there…I know it would be very hard

I think that there’s a fine line between potentially saving a life and prolonging suffering. If its clear that all you’re doing is selfishly prolonging suffering, its time to let go. At some point you have to ask yourself “Would I want to live like that, to be in that much pain, to be here just because some other people want me to me?” If the answer to that is no, then you have to let go. I like to think I’d be a big enough person to be able to do that if it was what was best for my child.

@poofandmook – Trust me, that response I found to be infinitely more appropriate than the guys who won’t look you in the eye and simply say “It’s too soon to tell.” That was the response I kept getting the first time my husband went into the hospital suddenly. It turns out that the docs were convinced they were going to have to amputate his foot but didn’t want to tell me. Instead, they avoided me. That lkeft me with unanswered questions and a terrible case of anxiety.

I much prefer a doctor who will tell me how he/she sees it. Of course, I say this having watched my husband come close to death many times. He did, in fact, die three times, but so far they have brought him back every time, even when they were pretty certain they weren’t going to be able to.

A doctor being honest gives me an idea of what I may need to start doing, such as putting in ramps at the house or finding out how to get someone buried at a national cemetery, all the while making sure we have the income needed to stay in our house.

If I had the strength to make and live with that decision I wouldn’t be conflicted either. As far as the Christian aspect of it…..some people say that if you let a person die you’re playing God. Well, if you keep a person alive through medical / artificial means you’re playing God too.

GA, @Val123! Have a cookie!

@avvooooooo You’re making me FAT! Have a cake! http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc207/Dutchcat1/CakeforJelly.jpg

@Val123 COOL! Thanks!

@avvooooooo I hope it made you frow up! No more cookies because I LOVE them!

@Val123 PM’ed ya!

@Val123 I’ve had to make tough decisions for family members on life support. I agree with your last sentence, especially. I have witnessed people in excruciating pain…doctors are not always in the right by wanting to “cure”. As a family member, and the patient’s advocate, there are times when you have to tell the doctor what is in the best interest of your beloved.

@SpatzieLover It’s a bad, sad situation. Sort of been in it myself…

@Val123 I don’t look at it as bad. I just look at it as the way they had to go. This is where my faith comes in. I’ve had to call in hospice for a couple of relatives, too. Hospice, to me is a saving grace…it means a lack of doctors pushing/proding, and ample time to just be with the person on their last journey.

@SpatzieLover For me it was bad because my mom was bedridden, unable to communicate for about a year before she died. There was just no way to know how much she knew or was aware of…..I guess….I don’t know.

@Val123 Sorry to hear that. It is difficult to see someone fade away from their former self

@SpatzieLover Worst time of my life.