In all the different areas of your social life (ie: work, family and friendships, online etc) do you ever feel unimportant or invisible?

I do feel unimportant and uninvolved at times, but that’s because I don’t like to interact with people very much.

I’m always quiet around a group and usually listen (I think it makes people nervous too) to what everyone else is saying and I may occasionally chime in my 2 cents.

But I think that you receive what you put out for the most part. I don’t expect people to come and look for me to hang out or talk because I don’t put that part forth. In your case, you did try to put forth the effort to spend some time together.

I think that they may just feel awkward with you because you’ve worked there so long without much interaction with them. As far as you social life, how often do you talk to people or ask to hang out?

You are very well spoken in writing….. persist in that in person in your work environment , orally and in writing. Eyes will open . Be confident. Obviously you are very competent. Some social/work exchanges will occur if you maintain your more confident , appropriately vocal stance.

@Leanne1986 Have you been reading my journal?! (I don’t really have one, I’m just sayin)

I think a lot of people feel like this from time to time. How you’ve described your situation is eerily similar to mine. At times people will even step in front of me in a circle of people as if I’m not there. Or I’ll say something only to have them continue conversation as if I’d said nothing at all.

It used to really bother me but I’ve since realized that it’s not that I’m invisible.. it’s that the people who do things like that are blind. Here I am.. an awesome acquaintance, friend, buddy, confidant, mentor, whatever.. just waiting for someone to take interest… and they don’t see it.

Nowadays if someone steps in front of me I’m more inclined to say “hey, pencil neck… yeah you… how bout clearing outta my way I’m standin here (with my best New York accent)”. It is generally received well and they apologize.

I have no magic answer to this.. phenomenon. . I’m still trying to figure it out myself.. the massive ball of yarn that is human interaction is something I’ve never been able to fully untangle. I’ll be following along in this thread as much for my own benefit! Thanks for asking the question.

Yes, quite often. I find that when I feel invisible it’s because I’m looking for validation from a poor source. I can’t open up a can of green beans and expect corn.

I started trying to figure out why I want certain people’s attention and then try to deal with that answer instead of wallowing in my isolation. (not saying you wallow- but I sure can)

@jsammons As far as my social life is concerned I have a few very good friends and when I am with them I don’t feel awkward or invisible at all. I don’t have a problem with one on one conversations (in fact I LOVE a good conversation!) or small group get togethers with people I know well and feel comfortable with. I guess the problem is that I find it difficult to develop more friendships like this because I find myself wondering “why would people be interested in me?” or I worry that they are just putting up with me and my work situation confirmed those thoughts a little bit.

@gemiwing I can wallow as well, I’m trying not to in this post because I don’t want to appear like I am fishing for compliments at all.That’s not what this post is about. I just want advice or consolation that other people feel this way at times too :)

I think your workplace sounds a bit like an extension of High School. It is a shame that they behave that way. Personally I think I would seek work elsewhere if it was practical to do so only because life is too short not to be able to laugh and enjoy the company of co-workers.

If finding another place to work is not practical I would not take their actions personally as it is obvious they were a click before you arrived. I would try to use humor to interact with them and even find ways to rib one or two of them in good fun. Other than that- done for your own amusement- I would not try to be a friend to them.

@Leanne1986 First off, I’m sorry you feel that way. That must be a terrible feeling to deal with every day. That lunch thing was beyond hurtful & rude. My only advise would be to just be yourself. If you try too hard, that’s going to back fire on you, too.

As for me personally, thankfully, in my ‘real life’, I’m popular & well loved everywhere I go. Family, work, church, etc. But it’s on here that I feel like I get lost in the shuffle sometimes. There’s been times that I’ve posted what I know was a great answer, but I get 0. Zip. Nada. It’s like “did anyone even READ what I said?” There’s tons of people on here & I don’t feel like I’m in the “in crowd.” I don’t think anyone would really miss me if I dropped out & disappeared. And so it goes.

At school I am entirely invisible to the other stoonts. I am at least 40 years their senior, and that assures that I don’t appear in their visual or auditory spectra. It makes the process of going to school very lonely, because there is no on at all to talk to.

@pdworkin Have you considered starting a study group? Age is never a factor when a common enemy such as an exam is looming.

@pdworkin yeah, that stinks. I can see why you’d feel left out. Sorry.

@Dog I live an hour away from campus, so I can’t be generally available for such things. That’s a good idea, though.

Ooh, a similar thing happened last night at a party. Most people were cool. There was one person I’d met a few times previously that I did want to get to know, but every time he saw me nearby, he took off in the other direction. He was civil, but… I don’t know. I never got to say a word to him other than “Hi,” nor did I make any overtures toward him. And I didn’t think I was behaving strangely, or I’m sure one of my no-BS friends would have mentioned it. I guess I put out the vibe and this fellow picked it up and mos def was NOT looking to further our acquaintance. :(

After I got home, I came to realize the same thing that @gemiwing said in his post; why did I want this particular person’s attention so much? Have I thought and behaved this way before? What was the context? Who did I know like this where I reacted in the same way? Was I replaying old stuff from childhood? I was! Ugh.

At least now, I know that I did it and it didn’t take me 25 years to realize what I was doing. Doesn’t mean I’m still not disappointed, but I won’t be in the dregs of misery about it like would have even a few short months ago. Progress!

I must come to accept that everyone isn’t going to like me. There are entire groups and cliques of people who will never like me. People have the right to not like me. And there are groups of people I’d rather not spend time around, either. I don’t need mirroring from every person on earth. Do I like me? Am I OK with me? Then that’s all that matters, and ironically, if I ever get to that point (because it’s a struggle every day to not take people’s behavior towards me personally), that’s when people’s reactions to me will change.

@jbfletcherfan I sometimes feel that way here too. Thankfully nobody has ever been cruel to me on here and I have had some interesting interactions with people but there are times when I really want something to be acknowledged and it’s not. I think, in a heavy conversation on here, odd answers pass people by from time to time.

I have often seen, what I consider to be, a GA and wondered why nobody has GA’d them or at least replied to what they had to say. For this reason I try to GA everything that I think is a well thought out response.

@Leanne1986 I hear you loud & clear. I may just be in a funk today. I feel really down & I feel I could cry at the drop of a hat.

<< Carefully carries hat.

@jbfletcherfan: Many of us would miss you. I know I would. You’re the squirrel for Christ’s sake!!

I feel slightly “important” here on this site because people respond to what I say. Other than that, I might as well be invisible. Except when I’m around strangers. Strangers tend to like me, especially if my babe and I are together <3 I don’t do much about it.

@cprevite Aww..geez. Thanks. I needed that. :-/

For my job I have at least 7 different workplaces and I feel invisible or disprespected often because people seem to think that I’m not doing any work because they don’t see me within their facility 24/7. There are people that understand and people that don’t. I just started this job and it’s been hard trying to assert myself but I have gotten better. Yet a bitchy administrative assistant (and they are a dime a dozen so she better watch her attitude) can make me feel stupid simply by not providing me some small and pretty pointless piece of information (I’‘m assuming this makes her feel like she is more important than she is). Thankfully my direct supervisor is great, I feel I can always vent to her and she has good advice.

Your job sounds exactly like my last job – those people were so clique-y and fake and I didn’t want to fit it with them but they were also pretensious about how important it is to fit in…yeeeeet they didn’t make it easy. I kept thinking ‘my god you all must feel so pointless as to create this elaborate system of ‘getting into the team’ so that I can feel just as pointless as you’...I knew that it was a temporary job so that helped me out a lot, I kept focusing on my work and the people I actually served. I realized, yet again, how much I like school more than working. I realized I have office politics yet again.

Point is you can’t necessarily change your work environment. This means you have to compensate in all the other areas of your life. You must surround yourself with people that are positive and people that are not parasitic to your existence.

as for fluther, I think of you as quite the regular on here

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thank you :) To be honest with you, I don’t want their “friendship” outside of work, I just want to feel less like a spare part when I’m at work. I think my best bet is to just keep my head down and not take it personally. For all I know they could treat all newcomers (although after 2 years you’d think that title would no longer apply!) this way.

“I also should mention that when I am talking to people one on one or am with a smaller group of people then I feel more comfortable with myself and the situation.”

This last line of yours is key. This is the kind of person you are. You prefer one on one or smaller group to larger groups. I’m exactly the same way. I overwhelmingly prefer smaller groups or one on one and take every opportunity to avoid larger groups. i hate them. Some people have a preference for the larger groups and are uneasy one on one. I would never even think of asking someone to join me for lunch just for the heck of it. I prefer to go alone. I had two lunches today and enjoyed both, for business purposes. But they were one on one. And if they had not had a business purpose I would have preferred to eat alone. I am successful and well liked. I just like my own company. Evidently you do too and my opinion is that you are blaming yourself and way overthinking the situation.