Do you have a friend you only keep because of pity?

definetely not. you can sometimes pity a friend, but never ever be a friend out of pity. that’s just wrong…and where does it get you? or the person you’re “befriending”? nobody gets anything out of a situation like that.

I’ve had a pity friend before. She was abused by a lot of her boyfriends, had a baby without knowing who the father was, etc.. but she was a terrible person. I feel sadness for the things that shes gone through. But even being her ‘pity friend’ was hard. Lots of “using” in that faux-friendship.

If you don’t have one, chances are…

Yes, then he acts like a jerk sometimes, so I just leave him alone for a while.

Nope. Me likes my friends and allllll of their faults. Sure some are fat. Some could use a face lift or a tummy tuck. Some have piss poor luck and wallow in it. Some are Polish.sorry I pity no one.

probably tmi but I did pity f a guy once years ago. does that count?

I have had a lot of friends I talk to because I feel a responsibility to them. Like I had a suicidal friend I roomed with longer than I would have wanted because I wanted to keep an eye on her. I have another friend is who caught up in a 5–6 year love triangle she can’t possibly win out on. Though we don’t have much in common, I still hang out with the second one to make sure she’s getting through the week.

Not sure what they count as.

Nope.

No. What would be the point of that?

Not at all

No way. I would never do that; that would be completely unfair to them. I keep friends around because they’re people I truly like and people I truly want to be with (and same on their end).

I was a friend to an otherwise friendless woman for many years. She was very naive, and people took advantage of her often. They were even very cruel to her at times. I took her to the emergency room and then to my house for 10 days once when some drunken idiot beat the crap out of her for “fun”, and she pretty much followed me like a lost puppy after that.

It was difficult for me to be patient with her sometimes, but I just felt like someone should be nice to her and do good things for her for a change. She was extremly gratefull, and it made me feel good to know I made a difference in someone’s life. 15 years later, I still hear from her from time to time.

I agree with @DominicX and @scamp. Everyone I know has something worthwhile to give me in return for my friendship, although they don’t often see it in themselves.

Sort of, there’s a friend of mine that is a drug addict and nobody can help him. I try to at least be nice and give him as much support as I can, but without getting too close either.

My friend just got out rehab for shooting pain pills. He is like a leech on me now. All he does is bitch and complain how everything is someone elses fault. He has burned most of his bridges. He can’t get a job. I have been in the same situation so I help but he needs and takes and needs. Im starting to ignore his phonecalls. I did take him to work and made him carry all the shingles up the ladder on the roof today. But he wants to hang with me all the time and Im not willing. Im scared one us will be weak then we both will be shooting dope again. I guess Im still his friend because we always hungout, did drugs, and skateboarded since we were 13.

Wow. It’s so weird that this came up today…

When I was in 7th grade, this 8th grade girl latched onto me. Being at the bottom of the school totem pole, I thought this was great! So we became friends. She failed that year and sometimes I honestly wonder if it was on purpose so she’d be in the same grade as me and the rest of her friends.

Anyway, by the time we hit 9th grade, I’d gotten fed up with her. She was clingy and needy and whiny and a one-upper. The school we went to was really small, though, and I was more interested in keeping the drama to a minimum than anything else, so I toughed it out all through high school.

Then came college. We both started out at community colleges. I went to CoGreene and she went to Hudson Valley. But then she transferred to CoGreene. And started begging for rides, since I had to go right past her house. There was no way to say “No” without sounding mean or petty, so I just couldn’t do it.

Eventually, I left school because of my health issues. She kept trying to call my house but my parents would always tell her I was out or sleeping or in the shower or whatever and I would call her back. I never returned a single phone call. She would try to IM me and I would not answer, or block her. Once I did get so fed up that I told her I was sick of her shit and didn’t want to listen to her anymore. She left me alone then… for maybe two weeks.

I continued my lack of contact, not returning calls, blocking IMs, deleting emails… Finally, about two years ago, she really stopped trying to get in contact. Holy crap, I was so excited.

But today I got a phone call. My mother answered the phone and didn’t ask who it was before she handed it over to me. And it was this goddamn stupid girl. I’d just woken up so my mental agility was severely lacking. I managed to weasel out of having to go out anywhere with her, but I couldn’t maneuver out of letting her come for a visit. She just left a little while ago. Ugh.

So after all that time, she’s back on the radar again. I am seriously unhappy about it. I honestly was happier when my doctor told me my tumor was back than I was when I heard her voice on the other end of the line. It took so damn long to get her to go away… I discovered that I can actually block her number on my land line, and she doesn’t even know that I have a cell phone, so maybe she’ll get the picture a little faster this time. I really hope so… She might start just showing up on my doorstep unannounced. It wouldn’t be uncharacteristic.

So, take heed, those of you with pity friends: get rid of them before it’s too late.

That sounds like such a terrible and co-dependent situation. The pity friend gets to feel like one person actually likes them, but it isn’t genuine, and the pitier gets to feel superior and like someone always owes them a favor. You’re both just using each other.

@MacBean , sorry to hear about your past health issues – hope things get better for you.

I have heard both sides of this argument before and honestly I do not know which I agree with. Stay friends (painful as it is) for the sake of selflessness, versus choosing to spend your time with people that you want to.? My head says the latter but I guess there is a part of me that pities someone who may not have any other friends. Something to think about I guess.

@MacBean I think there will probably come a time when you have to tell this person straight out that you don’t want to be contacted anymore. Hiding out and avoiding her doesn’t seem to be working, and sometimes this type of person will wait weeks or even months for an opening to contact their target. Sometimes it’s best to just lay it all out for her. You may be avoiding this because you think it’s cruel, but dodging her can be just as cruel because it drags things out longer.

Try to be straightforward, and polite at the same time, and lay out what you will and won’t do for or with her. Once you lay it all out for her, it should be easier for you. You could do this in an email if you want, so you can be sure everything you want to say is said, and retract anything you don’t want to say before you send it. Good luck!! My “special friend” hounded me for several years after I tired of her!

I made a friend because of sympathy.And i used him/her in many ways.. now i don want her..I feel bad about myself being like this… I don know wat to do