When is a friendship no longer worth the effort?

Just let go and walk away. This person sounds much more like a user than a friend.

To answer your last question first, No, don’t punch him. legality or not (it’s not, by the way. only in self defense, ever), It’s a bad idea. Probably hurt you a lot more then you expect, and will put a huge wedge in your friendship.

That aside, Something is obviously bugging him, and it’s not the loan. Possibly the fact that he is not your boyfriend? He may be jealous, and so is being surly and unreasonable. It happens, so be aware it’s a possibility, and it may be worth talking it out if it’s the case.

Of course, the other possibility is what Marina said. Is this typical behavior? You being nice and helpful and him generally not helping you out? If that’s the case, there’s a better chance he’s just trying to use you in this friendship, and it’s a good idea to get out. And this is a pretty good reason.

Hitting is never the answer. Never borrow money nor lend money to friends. It’s bound to turn out badly.

what @chyna said. also, is it really worth losing a friend because he won’t loan you money?

The punching part was a joke, guys. I always forget that you can’t read sarcasm well.

I understood the sarcasm and enjoyed it

@JONESGH It’s the principle. Shouldn’t we be equals?

@Beta_Orionis Thank you.

It doesn’t sound like there’s much friendship happening in your example.

NP

@BhacSsylan brings up a good point. Is there some underlying issue that’s bothering your friend?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset over this, but it does seem as though it escalated over something beyond this one issue. That is to say, as @BhacSslyan noted, he may be reacting this way because of some unspoken frustration or hesitation, while you may only be upset because he hasn’t reciprocated the help.

A little more context might be helpful though. Is he in the financial position to loan you the amount requested? Also ask yourself whether you have you always followed through with promises/timelines in the past? Is there any reason, no matter how small, he should refuse you?

This one issue isn’t enough for us to decidedly advise you to end a friendship. If you have a good relationship, then talk this through. Or does he have a history of taking your friendship and support for granted, and then not lending you the same when you need it?

I’ll try to answer everything. Yes, he has a lot of money saved. I was asking for 60 bucks. For only 6 days.I am always there for him. He’s there for me about half the time. If he’s not there, he has an excuse. It’s always something. I guess we’re about 60–40. The only reason I can think of as to why he would refuse me would be because he wants to be rid of that level of our association. Or that he’s annoyed at my need for clear communication.

Just make sure you’re not fighting because he’s not going to lend you $60.

I remember saying to this guy that had fallen out with his best friend “Life’s too short to bear grudges” his response was “Life’s to long to put up with shit you don’t need” I wanted to give the guy a GA

This sounds like one of those situations.

Don’t punch him, but he certainly deserves it because he sounds like an ass.

Hmm. Well, in that case, if you’re already perceiving a lack of friendship on his part, ask yourself: What does this friendship mean to me? Why do I want to be his friend? How would I feel if we were not friends?

If you’re this upset over $60, something else is bothering you as well (I know, the principle, not the amount is what bothers you.)

If you’re not getting more value out of the friendship than negativity or frustration, then it’s probably one that’s on it’s way out or overdue to end. If however, there’s something essential in this friendship, then I still recommend talking to him about how you feel. Maybe he doesn’t realize you do more than he does. Maybe he’s trying to distance himself from you. You know your friendship best. Listen to gut reactions to those questions.

Thank you, everyone. It was a difficult choice to make, but if a group of people I chat with online say the same things as people I know and see every day, then the decision is made. Just sucks is all.

@Shegrin I know it’s a hard decision to make. good luck.

@Shegrin Sure you should be equal, but does that mean enough to you to lose a friend?

Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Don’t you watch Judge Judy?

It sounds to me like he’s afraid that you wan the relationship to be more than just “friendship.” Do you? Has it ever been? Those things all factor into the dynamic.

friendship is a two-way street. When it starts to feel like you are fighting the current just to stay on course (sorry for the mixed metaphor) maybe it’s time to re-evaluate just what this priendship brings you.

There’s no way anyone here can give you any useful advice. Friendship is made of too many things; too much past history. We know none of that. You could write a novel, and we wouldn’t know enough.

You have to decide yourself, based on how much you value the relationship. Based on your history with him. Based on what you want out of the friendship.

I will say this, though. With friends, it’s far better to err on the side of forgiveness. I’ve throw away more than one friendship by being rigid about shoulds and oughts. If I could take back my rigid standing on principle now, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Friends are more important than any principle.

And then there’s this: I don’t know how old you are, but as you age it gets harder and harder to make new friends. If you can, I would try to avoid making any rash decisions in the heat of the moment.

From my experience if you’re doing a lot of the “work” to keep a friendship alive, it is time to just forget it.

Let some time pass before you do anything. You can’t always go back and you don’t know what was in his head that day.

The number one rule in the Friendship Handbook is as @pdworkin says: Never be a lender or a borrower.

@daloon but you just gave some useful advice, thus disproving your own statement…

Punch him in the dick!

@Beta_Orionis I meant that no one can give useful advice about his friend, in specific. Of course we can give general advice.

@daloon heh. I know. Just teasing. :)

@Beta_Orionis And I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. It can’t hardly be any fun with someone as gullible as I am.

@daloon aww! I’ll remember in the future.