I've reached a breaking point - what do I do?

Just keep pushing forward. Thats all anybody can do. Be optomistic. You have a good future, your parents are still alive, its not 2012 yet (lol love that theory) and you are not stuck in a wheelchair. You still have a life, so use it.

At the risk of sounding as if I’m making a diagnosis over the Internet, I would say that the way you talk about your life makes it seem to me that there are some elements of depression operating here. That’s really quite good news: depression is eminently treatable. Seek some professional assistance; I think you will be pleased that you did.

I can’t give you any advice for your particular circumstance. I can however, share an anecdote with you. Take from it what you will.

I was in the same boat as you at your age, except I wasn’t in college. I was living at home, working a dead end job, trying to find someoen to date, and being hopelessly inept at it.
Eventually, I got set up on a blind date by a friend, and on our first date, we hated each other. End of the date, I took her home, spent several hours talking to her Mom, and went home. Figured it was over.

Decided to call her back anyway, just to see if she might consider going out with me, and she didn’t want to, but her Mom talked her into it. We went out, just the two of us, got to talking, and something clicked. That was almost thirty years ago.

We got married in 1989, we have been through Hell together, ups, downs, and emotional catastrophes like you’d never believe. WE are still together, we never had kids, and after twenty years of marriage, I can’t imagine life without her.

The point is, be yourself, and sooner or later someone will notice you, and probably in a way or scenario that seems completely unlikely, (I had never accepted a blind date before) and BAM! you’ll find yourself in love. If I can do it, anybody can.

What does your psychologist have to say about seeing a psychiatrist for medication? How do you feel about it?

I have been where you are as far as regrets, end of my rope and wanting to hide away. I did end up in the hospital and I was scared to leave. Even after a month, I thought I would fall right back into the hole I had been in. They said I was there for treatment, not to hide from my life, and they were right.

Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t go if you feel you need it. I went a month before I was to graduate college and set myself back at least two years. Mom said I had ruined my life – it was actually the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Bottom line, do whatever you need to do to get help.

Maybe your psychologist isn’t for you. Shop around.

Volunteer to help the needy. Surround yourselfd with those who have it worse than you. A sense of self worth and importance to others will bring much peace, and the other volunteers you meet will offer an entirely new group of friends… and probably a kind and generous romance as well.

@supacase From 17–21 I was seeing a psychiatrist every week. Towards the end I was placed on Buspar to deal with anxiety I was having around meeting new people. I’ve left him (since I left the city I was in) and am still on the medication. The psychologist has been trying to set up a meeting between me and a psychiatrist to discuss other medication options. My parents have been encouraging me to try anti-depressants for years now. I’m obviously open to medication (as I’m taking something now) but I’m just not totally sold on an anti-depressant because I just haven’t convinced myself that I feel badly because of a chemical imbalance or something like that – I feel like it has to do with my circumstances and bad experience in life. So if it’s my experience with life, what pill will change that?

Situational depression is treatable too, and doesn’t necessarily require medication, although a thoughtful psychopharmacologist can help you decide.

Well one thing you can always look forward to is your family on Fluther ;)

I feel very sorry for your situation though. A few things you can try to alleviate some of the depression is get outside in sunshine and run around a little bit. Fresh fruit is also great!

Maybe you’re looking for love in all the wrong places? If there’s something that you thoroughly enjoy, see if there’s a group with similar interest that meet up. At worst you could make some new friends like that :)

I hope you work things out and just hang in there, everything will work itself out ;)

I agree with @pdworkin—this sounds a lot like depression.

And it sounds like you’re doing everything right so far by seeing your psychologist and being open to medication.

I hear what you’re saying about how these events in your life feel like they’ve led to depression, and medication can’t fix that. But brains are tricky little suckers. You would be amazed how your perspective on all the things that have happened to you can shift when your chemicals are all lined up right. So I want to really, really encourage you to give the meds a fair shot. They take 4–6 weeks to even kick in, so make sure you give them a chance before writing them off.

In the meantime, how about other ways to fight depression? What are your sleep patterns and diet like? Do you exercise?

A strong social network can be incredibly valuable…forget dating for now; that is enough to make anyone crazy. What about just getting out there in your new city and forging friendships? What have you tried, what are you willing to try?

You have to break some eggs to make an omelet. You want to completely deal with this stuff, but there are still reservations about really finding the motivation, energy , strength and wherewithal to do what you have to do. I think you need to utterly break down all your resistance and the only way to do that is completely let go. This can be tremendously frightening but you’ll realize soon that there are some things that do not get resolved completely if at all but you just do the best with what you have. And stop comparing yourself to other people.

I found out young what an immense trap that was. And I truly realized it when “successful” people twice my age, with 10 times the resources, money, relationships, and friendships as I seemed to question how I got so confident. You just have to make steps to move forward and mark the steps of your own progress, knowing that it just continues and our life is found in the doing. Don’t look back and do whatever you need to do but don’t ever expect permission to do it. It will not be forthcoming and you just have to give yourself permission to laugh, cry, get angry, change direction and maybe even..be happy.

@number_cruncher I have no idea what mine stems from, but I am guessing it is chemical since it has not gone away after therapy or medication over the last 16 years.

My feeling was that medication was worth a try. I already felt about as lousy as I could imagine. It took about three tries to find the right anti-depressant, but things were remarkably better once I did.

Not everyone has to take anti-depressants for the rest of their lives. I’m not saying that is what you should do, only that it is an option.

A very good friend once told me, “You are alive. And that means that you have possibilities ahead of you. When you die, nothing changes. Your possibilities are all used up. Time will take you to those possibilities.”

What I was left with, then, was finding a hobby to help me pass the time. Like you, I wasn’t terribly social, so I turned to online gaming. There are tons of online games out there, but for me, I discovered I loved MUDs. It was a bit like reading a story and participating in it. And while I played on that game, I eventually struck up AIM conversations with people. Eventually groups of us got together, and were comfortable, because in a way we “knew” one another. I currently live with a friend I made in that way. It’s a blast.

In one way, you’re already reaching out like I was. Here, on Fluther, you’re connecting with people in some small way. Try to pursue those fragile links: strike up conversations about movies, places, games. The internet in anonymous, there’s no pressure, and you can connect with dozens of people (or not) without any sense of rejection if things fall through. How far it goes is up to you.

As a side note, you write beautifully, so at least be proud of your education and intellect.

@nikipedia I love to play basketball. I joined an intramural team this year and I’ve been playing once a week. I’ve tried to channel my hopelessness into good energy – I will go and shoot around sometimes by myself in the gym, go for a run, etc… Sleep hasn’t been great because I usually just end up waking up a lot during the night. But I think a lot of the problems now are accumulative – I’ve been for the most part unhappy with myself for the past 5–6 years. I’ve had times when I’ve been feeling a lot better about myself but the majority of the time I’ve been unhappy.

Good advice and thoughts above!

I just want to ask about the classes you hate. Do you want to do something else, or do you think hating classes is just a symptom of other issues? It’s pretty common for people to have a hard time motivating themselves to do things they don’t enjoy. Would you rather be done with school already? Studying something else? Living somewhere else, with a different kind of environment?

Comparing yourself to other people is a dangerous thing to do. Everyone has issues and problems, insecurities and secrets. I read a book recently where one character said, “The most important thing about a person is the one thing you don’t know.” Or something along those lines. I don’t know how many times I’ve caught myself thinking someone has a great life, and later found out that under that happy surface their life really kind of sucked. I know a couple who seems to have the perfect life. Great house, money, two wonderful children. In front of others, they look to be the epitome of the young professional couple. Recently I found out they are both miserable. He had an affair. They never have sex. They argue a lot when no one is around. They’re relatives and have separately confided in my husband or me, so I know this first hand. My long-winded point is that those people who seem to have led exciting or happy lives up to this point aren’t worth envying.

I hope things get better for you. :)

@MissAusten
“The most important thing about a person is the one thing you don’t know.”
..and sometimes even what they don’t know.
Truer words have never been spoken.

@MissAusten I have a hard time figuring out what I want to do with my career. I don’t have a dream or ambition to do something. I don’t particularly enjoy traveling. I’ve just kind of been stuck in a rut of apathy. Believe me though… since 4–5 years ago, I’ve come a long way in terms of taking just social risks (like being comfortable meeting new people) and getting away from total despair and isolation.

I was in business school before law school and didn’t really find the environment of business (money, money, money) all that appealing and didn’t find much in the world of business that caught my eye in terms of a career. I worked at an accounting firm for a summer but couldn’t see myself as an accountant.

You sound creative to me. Maybe studying psychology for you? If you can write this well, you are focused.

I just haven’t convinced myself that I feel badly because of a chemical imbalance or something like that – I feel like it has to do with my circumstances and bad experience in life.

Unfortunately, you can’t tell whether the chemical imbalance that results in depression is caused by external events or by your brain itself. However, it doesn’t really matter what the cause of the chemical imbalance is. Drugs can help change your brain chemistry no matter what caused it to get out of whack.

Inside your brain…. well, what I’ve found is that I can’t tell the difference between my thinking when I have purportedly normal brain chemistry and my thinking when I’m sick. It all feels like my thinking. It all feels like I’m under my own control. I have no sense that I am being influenced by abnormal brain chemistry.

Having said that, I do have clues as to what is influencing my thinking. I feel normal inside, but I behave differently, and when I see myself doing certain things, I can be pretty sure something is wrong.

Depression is another sign that things are off. You know that other people have a happy attitude towards life. You know that your thoughts are out of line with reality (even though they feel sincere).

That means your brain is doing something weird. It doesn’t matter what the cause is, meds can help. You can also take care of it without meds, but that can be a lot more difficult. Meds are just a tool. You can write a letter on a typewriter, or you can use a computer. Is there any particular reason to force yourself to use the old technology that doesn’t work as well?

Listen to @daloon the voice of personal experience.

As far as comparing yourself to other people, the best advice I ever got on that particular subject was this. Take it to heart, I did and found it was completely true.

Don’t compare yourself to other people, you don’t know how fucked up they really are.

Don’t look back. Focusing on the past and what you “should have done” or “could have done” will only keep you stagnant. You need to accept that past, even embrace it. Understand that the things that happened to you were learning experiences and use them to guide you towards the future that you want. If you think you do need more help such as medication for depression or anxiety, see your doctor. If medication can help you, he will know.

having a girl friend is way over rated ,look your in law school a women will just drag you down right now ,when your making 300k a year or more you can have girls you never thought you could get,just wait it out your time will come trust me i have seen it many times your problem is really a blessing if you keep your eyes on the prize.

@tomnoel I think “the girls you never thought you could get” are, in fact, the girls who will end up dragging him down.

they can drag me down as long as i am on top.

why are you trying to make this a negative i want him to see the bright side of things and your killing our high, i bet your real fun to be around….........................not!

@tomnoel The question was not “How do I get girls to like me for my money?”

The guy here is wanting to experience love, romance, and a meaningful relationship, and/or make some friends. Not pick up hookers.

@tomnoel I’ve had several, actually.

Girls are amazingly okay with experimenting with other girls.

[Mod Says:] Please keep it on topic folks. Personal and off -topic quips will be removed.