How does one deflect compliments?

I often say something like ‘oh hush, I just got my sleep last night’.

Why would one deflect compliments??!! They’ll get slimmer as time goes by. Just say thanks.

I feel really uncomfortable too when people say nice things to me. Often just a “thanks” will suffice, accompanied with a pleased look on your face. People compliment you as repayment for your help, so they want you to feel good.

@faye You can only say “thank you” so many times in one conversation.

The only problem is is that the compliment isn’t directed at me. If that makes any sense. In my AP Stat class we sit in small groups of 4. While working on a section, someone might say in passing, “Elijah will understand this”, or “Ask him”, or “He’s smart”. I don’t really feel comfortable with just sitting there while people are singing my praise; it makes me feel like an ass as well as snobbish.

@Facade Yes. I strongly agree.

thank you thank you thank you thank you th-
I already gave you lurve, DominicX. What more do you want from me?!

@cricketonastick

I know what you mean. It’s well known that I’m good at geography, so whenever a geography thing would come up, I would get similar comments to what you got. Or if neat handwriting came up, people would go on and on about my handwriting. Oh yeah, and the periodic table memorization, and the…

There’s nothing you can do about it, though. They’re not directed at you, so just smile and chuckle. That’s what I do. It can be awkward sometimes, but at least they’re saying good things about you. They’re not expecting a response; they’re not directing it at you. I’m not the type of person who dislikes compliments, in fact, I like them a lot. So if one is directed at me, then I will thank them for it and if possible, compliment them (not the same compliment).

@DominicX Useful. Thanks

your over thinking it way to much just take it and be happy your helping someone out

I avert my eyes and say, ‘Thanks, but nah.’

Or if it’s a ‘you’re smarter than me’ [sic] dealio I would say, ‘You’re smarter than you think you are.’

No reason to over-think it. Just say something off hand like “Well thanks, I did have my wheaties for breakfast this morning”.. or “Yeah, I grew up near a nuclear facility” ...

@NaturalMineralWater The only problem is that it happens over and over again. My biggest issue is that they compare themselves to me, as if the didn’t have their own strengths. They bash themselves and praise me.

What I want to do is make them understand that I’m not above them, but it’s hard to do with out sounding like I am snob.

One of my favorites when “thanks” doesn’t seem to cut it is, “Nah, I just fake it well” with a smile.

Just smile sincerely and say “Thank you” warmly and leave it at that. If people start denigrating themselves in reaction to your achievement in something, remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them and their own insecurities.

You can say what @nxknxk suggests (with a smile), and then leave it. In the end, adult people have to tend their own emotional gardens. You aren’t making them insecure, that was there already. And you can’t make such people any less insecure. They have to learn that they are as good as anyone else on their own.

@cricketonastick

I don’t know if they necessarily think you’re above them; I’ve had people say stuff like that, you know “I’m an idiot”, etc. but I say that kind of thing too when someone displays excellence at something; it’s not because I have low self-esteem, it’s kinda just for fun and just show that I’m impressed at their display of intelligence.

But I suppose you can’t know what they’re really thinking; that’s just what I’ve always thought.

But honestly, if they do think you’re above them, that’s their own problem and isn’t something you can fix with two seconds of telling them you’re not above them. I wouldn’t worry about it unless you know someone personally who actually has low self-esteem.

@DominicX @aprilsimnel It still makes me feel crappy when he/she puts himself/herself down. But yeah, I guess I can’t really do much about it.

@aprilsimnel put it well.
Just say thank you and be gracious

And I would add a line from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Self Reliance, my favorite essay:

But the man is, as it were, clapped into jail by his consciousness. As soon as he has once acted or spoken with éclat (1), he is a committed person, watched by the sympathy or the hatred of hundreds, whose affections must now enter into his account. There is no Lethe (2) for this. Ah, that he could pass again into his neutrality! Who can thus avoid all pledges, and having observed, observe again from the same unaffected, unbiased, unbribable, unaffrighted innocence, must always be formidable.

(1)acclaim: enthusiastic approval
(2) In the Greek underworld of Hades, a river of forgetfulness.

“Why thank you, how kind of you to say that”.

Aw, I just stayed at a holiday inn last night.

Be thankful my man. I help my fellow classmates all the time in math and I never receive thanks.

@cricketonastick – definitely what @YARNLADY said.

I always say “that’s very kind of you to say.” then throw out a joke about something I am not so good at.

I get that too about art. How can I explain that I’ve been studying art for twenty years and it’s not something I just woke up good at?

I’ve just started saying ‘Well yeah, but I stink at math” or something similar. I tailor it if I know enough about a person’s abilities to make a specific compliment back. I like complimenting back.

just don’t be almost three times @DominicX ‘s age and tell him you think he is cute, he thinks that is just creepy. }:^)

It really sounds like the problem is not people complimenting you, but you being bothered by people putting themselves down. I agree on that, I hate to listen to self-bashing but I’m not sure there’s too much you can do about it. As others have said, that’s more about their own insecurities than anything else.

I say “well, you’re very perceptive.”

Simply say thank you, and hope that with your help they’ll learn a lit bit more about it so next time you won’t be the only one they can ask for help.

Real life F2F, I just don’t respond. My experience has been that a compliment means that the other person wants something from me, and is making false compliments as a preamble to some kind of request.

It’s natural for them to compare themselves to you as they aspire to be as clever as you! You sounds like a decent, modest guy so doubt they’ll think you’re patronising…I think a quick, humourous response is best here like the wheaties comment to keep the mood light and digress from the subject. Sounds like it happens often so you may have to have a couple to hand!