How do you fill an empty spot in your heart for the holidays?

When my uncle passed away, the holidays were especially hard on the family. But we surrounded ourselves with people that truly loved and cared for my uncle during these times. We all leaned on each other because we had the same thing in common…we had all lost someone we cared for.

Have you considered attending (free) hospice meetings? I did so after my first spouse was killed and it made a huge difference in my life especially at the holidays.

I am so sorry about your Mom.

@Dog no, I haven’t I have been seeing a therapist, but it is hard to realize, for me that she isn’t going to be at the table, taking pictures, and laughing with me.

{{{With Lurve!!!}}}

I’m sure in a way its something you’ll never get over. I’ve never really had a family before. Every now and again things trigger me to really upset me, like you with the telephone.
Someone once told me to try to think of the happy times. Because if you get caught up in all of the saddness, thats all you’ll remember.

There’s no simple answer really. Not long after both my parents had died I was completely alone for all of Christmas eve and Christmas day. Leading up to it, I was so afraid, it was like I thought I might die or something myself. But I had a kennel so I was working and surrounded by my dogs and about 100 other dogs, I was busy all day.

The day actually passed pretty quickly and was basically like any other day, just 24 hours. When it was all over, I felt a sense of freedom and pride and independence. It was like I now knew I never had to be afraid of being alone again, I could handle it. You will too, 1 minute at a time.

Another friend of mine volunteered at a mission on Christmas day and he said it was the best thing he ever did. That might help too, keep your mind off your own sadness.

Lots of hugs.

@pinkparaluies I am usually a very happy and positive person, but I heard a little girl tell her mother today “that you are the most specialist mommy in the whole planet system, don’t you ever forget that.” I remember saying something like that to my mom when I was little. I just turned around and started crying because, I finally realized how much I really miss her.

@shego :( That was heart breaking. I’m sorry for your pain. It’ll get more manageable with time but it won’t ever go away completely.

My heart goes out to you.

I handle it in multiple ways. I like to buy gifts for the Angel Tree in their honor. I pick someone who helps me to live out the values they instilled in me. There is a website I used last year called Wish Upon A Hero. I sent Christmas cards to lonely seniors, sent a family a Christmas tree and sent two teens (too old for assistance programs) a few presents. Each time I mailed out a package or letter I said “Merry Christmas Grammy” and sent the love she gave me to another.

Another thing to remember is know yourself. If you’re too alone- go be around people. If it gets too much, reach out to someone. I became very down, was living on my own and totally alone. I went to the mall and watched the Santa train for a few hours. It helped to feel that I wasn’t alone in my house, that somehow I shared a holiday with someone else. Even if they didn’t know I was celebrating Christmas with them, maybe their subconcious would remember that one girl sitting on the bench and smiling while she watched the kids play.

I am so sorry for your loss. You have to remember to keep smiling though. Your mother is in a better place now, whether you believe in heaven or not. Try talking to the ones you love about how you feel. You have to let out all this pain in your heart or it will just continue to grow. I hope you find happiness soon.

It’s very hard. One thing that I think can be helpful is talking about the person and reminiscing about them during the celebration; not trying to ignore the absence of your Mom but bringing her alive by remembering. That way she can be a presence in some ways. ((Hugs))

My mom died in 2003, & I still find myself thinking of her in the present, like “Oh, I need to tell Mom about this!” It helps me a bit to go ahead & talk to her as if she was right there w/me. Try to focus on happy memories, laugh & cry if you need to. (((hugs)))

You spend the holidays with me! I lost my father last October. He hated Christmas but I loved spending it with him. It never becomes reality that they’re gone. You surround yourself with any kind of love you can get, and know that though she’s not in your presence in sight, that she’s there in heart and making sure that you have a blessed Christmas. I swear it. :).

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve never had a family, so the holidays are something I don’t exactly look forward to. But, I’ve come close with the help of some really good friends. My best friend’s mom even tells me to call her mom and lets me spend Christmas with them if I want. Surround yourself with friends and family, and like @onesecondregrets said, any love you can get. It’s more difficult to be sad when you’re surrounded by people who love you.

Yes. And if you have siblings, talk to them too. I’m sure they’re having the same moments of grief that you’re having. The grief comes in big waves at first, then it turns into fits and starts, and then you aren’t crying so much as you’re laughing about the good times you shared with that loved one.

It took me a number of years before I got to the point where I was used to certain people I loved being gone. I give gifts to children in need in their names at Christmas.

If you don’t have other family and If you have a close friend or even someone you know that’s a good listener ask them if they can set aside some time in their holiday celebration for you to talk to them about who you’ve lost and what your holidays were like and what you learned from them.

I went to a family members funeral yesterday. Rather than talking about our loss, we talked about what he meant to us and the wonderful memories we have and how he brought us together. It gave us a lot to think about.

And I know today that I wish I had someone to talk to about the ideas brought about by the funeral. You’ve inspired me to find a friend to talk to.