Have you ever felt like you had to personally help everyone that has a problem?

With me and my friend base, it seems as though the only time they really called on me for anything is when they have a problem or favor. I would help them out regardless, whether if I was going to be negatively affected by doing so or not. The majority of the time the help is never reciprocated so I end up feeling worse overall.

I used to. It’s why I got therapy for my codependency issues. I’m so much happier now that I don’t feel the need to fix anyone but me.

I think I have it in balance. I find it harder to ask for help than to give it; but not a big deal. I just don’t require too much help. I think it comes from the experience of being a single dad, a military man, living in a war zone, and appreciating the small things in life.

I’ve been help by ohers so much, that I feel it is my place (not duty, but pleasure) to do the same for others, but only when I can help them.

I was once told I was “too nice” because every time the speaker complained about something, I tried to figure out ways to fix it. It turns out this person loves complaining, and once I realized that, I backed off.

I often have similar problems to @YARNLADY – when my friends and family come to me with problems, my first instinct is to try to figure out to fix it, and a lot of the time they just get annoyed at me. Apparently most of them just want someone who they can complain at and who will sympathize with them – they don’t actually want help finding a solution.

This is something that it’s taken me a long time to wrap my head around, because I’m such a pro-active fixer – if I have a problem, I want to figure out how to make it go away – and I want to do the same for the people I care about. Complaining seems like such a waste of time to me – but I’m starting to learn when to keep my mouth shut and just be sympathetic, even if I’ve got half a dozen different ways to fix their problems in my head…

I help as much as I can without getting close enough to the problem that I’m directly involved. It takes a lot to help without getting dragged into something, a lot of self-awareness. I feel guilty when I don’t go the extra mile some times but that’s when you have to realize, you aren’t God, you are human.

I have always been compelled to help people, no matter if they are friends or not, no matter the situation. If i feel i can help even if only in a small way i try and do so.

For me, it’s not so much individuals as many, many individuals. And it’s really very selfish. I do it for the pleasure of figuring it out. I do it for a thank you. Often, I fall in love with each person I try to respond to. I suppose that sounds really grandiose, but it’s the only way I can think of to describe that feeling—a kind of intense focus on whoever it is in order to understand, and love in order to empathize.

Maybe it is naive, but I believe in the goodness of all people. I believe that pain and lack of love makes people withdraw inside a shell from where they can not empathize with others very well. They also can not let others empathy in, because they don’t trust that it’s real.

I imagine myself knocking on the door of that shell, and being invited in. But then I find reasons to beat myself up for it, because I can not follow my own advice. It makes me a hypocrite. I suppose I could be more empathetic with myself, for I am one of the people who never felt truly loved as I was growing up. Alas, it is safer to be angry.

I don’t feel like I suffer by trying to be helpful. It’s rewarding. But I never feel like I’ve done enough, and I don’t think I ever will feel finished. And I will always feel like a selfish fraud because of all the pain I cause through my need. I have not been a faithful husband/lover. I don’t think I can be.

I used to be Ms. Fix everyone. Then I learned to be more selective and only offer advice when asked, or help out when needed, or lend money when I can afford to give it away.

Have I taken care of myself first? If not, I do that first, then turn outward to help others. It’s the “plummeting airplane” analogy: When the oxygen masks drop, put yours on first. You can’t help your seatmate if you’re passed out, can you?

I help those that need it. Unfortunately, this has led me to the circumstance of people taking advantage of my sharing nature. I help people not for the reward, but because I often mentally place myself in their predicament and then do what comes naturally. For awhile, this made me a ‘patsy’ for every sob story that came down the pike. I eventually learned that I can’t fix everybody. Sometimes that makes me come across as cold and callous, but I am just one man, I can only do so much.

I have learned however to take care of myself first. @aprilsimnel is spot on with her advice.

I used to feel like I couldn’t say no in good conscience to someone unless I was totally unable to be of help and I would end up very drained. In recent years though, I’m able to identify better who should be kept an acquaintance and who is safe and positive to be a friend. There are people who have wondered why I avoid them and it’s not because I think they’re bad people but they are not for me, that’s all. Exceptions are when a long time friend or lover has some difficulty and then it’s near impossible for me not to want to be of whatever support I can. My core group of friends is rather small so I’m okay with the occasional drama.

Yes, everyday in fact. However instead of just feeling that need to help everyone I really get into that feeling. Not only that but I get crazy over things that I have no control over. For instance back in march, a girl,16, commited suicide in my small town. She was two or so grades ahead of me, went to a different school, and I never saw her. However when I heard what she had done, I felt like I could have stopped her.
I felt so guilty.
And looking back on it, I realize that at the time there isn’t anything I could have done. But still there is that lingering irrational guilt and since then I pray a lot more and I try to radiate positive vibes and help others when I see them struggling. Since that incident I feel even more compelled to help. In so ways that can be a bad thing but if I can help even just one person feel better about themselves or prevent a suicide it will not be in vain.
This is what drives me; helping others. For me, life is just a waste if I cannot help someone. So yes I do personally feel like I must help everyone with a problem. Whether that is a good or bad thing, I cannot help but feel that way; its in my nature.