If you're waiting for that call, why don't you just make it yourself?

well, depends on my mood. Sometimes, the pride thing allows me to be a stubborn bastard. But of course, my judgment isn’t all it should be, and when I find out so-and-so didn’t call me because of some personal tragedy, then I feel bad. If they just forgot, well, I chalk it up to they don’t have their priorities lined up.

Yeah, so sometimes I will make the call. The worst thing is when I get drunk on the occasional Saturday night and decide to go through my cell phone list and leave oddly hilarious drunken messages for people I haven’t talked to in months. they gotta love that!

I don’t call because I call everytime. I am tryyyying to get a back and forth, but he probably figures eventually I’ll call so he doesn’t have to. And I always have the panic attack “well where is he? does this mean he has something better to do? is he with someone else” and my answers are he’s at home, with his family doing homework.. why worry. I still do Then I call and he answers and everything is fine. But why do I have to call? I know his phone can send calls as well as recieve them. I know justttt how you feel though.

Because I have made the call and get a “Leave a message” response. The ball’s in their court now.

90% of the time, it’s the old Cat n Mouse game, back and forth childish bull crap, which i used to love playing, now that i am older i don’t care to get involved as much with the game play. Really simple, if you tried contacting them and they do not reply, then no since in playing there game, time to move on IMHO…

My mother always told me to never call boys. it’s to forward. Then again, I’m old. :-)

Great question, @daloon – and one I always wonder about after a date. But there’s a reality: guys must call girls. It’s just the way it is.

So until a girl holds the door for me, helps me pick up my stack of fallen books and farts on the couch while watching the game – society will dictate that the guy makes the call.

@NewZen – You aren’t married, are you?

@Darwin well, that much is obvious.

@NewZen I hold doors and help pick up things for guys all the time. Gender roles are overrated. :)

I used to be terrible about taking the initiative to make the call myself. Maybe it was a self-esteem thing; I thought the person wasn’t calling me for a reason, and I didn’t want to interrupt them. Often times though, at least with my friends, they’re just as absent-minded as I am and they simply forget to call.

I’m better about this now, since I have learned to not take things like this quite as personally. I do often have to leave messages, and maybe I’ll leave one or two messages, but after that I kind of give up and leave it to the other person to get back to me. At that point I’ve probably done all I can do.

Getting in the mindset that says, “Oh, I must not be that important since they’re not calling me” is just going to make things worse for you. It often leads to thinking even worse things about yourself. I try to avoid that… Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!

I’m frightened of appearing to clingy. I know my boyfriend wouldn’t think that of me (we’ve been together long enough by now for him to figure me out!) but I still can’t help worrying.

I have this problem with a potential employer at the moment- does that count?

Great question! At this point in my life…. I just make the call! And, I do it with the intention of extending kindness/love… and whatever the outcome, I am OK with it!

I don’t out of good, old-fashioned stubbornness. If I call a few times and don’t get a reciprocation of initiating contact, I stop. In some cases I’m probably over-reacting, but I’m kinda sensitive about it for some reason. I’ll text or write on that person’s facebook wall or whatever, but I won’t call.

It’s not the same, that’s why. If I make ‘the call’ then I don’t get the genuine affirmation I seek from the other. After all, what I really want is for the other to want me, to show me they will make the effort rather than politely respond to my initiations.

This is an issue I’ve explored. There are incidents where I’ve said I was frustrated and not much motivated any longer to be the one always reaching out. No matter what they said about how they felt, I wasn’t really believing it because for me, it’s actions that secure my belief and confidence rather than words.

@hungryhungryhortence Yes. I’m in the “actions speak louder than words” camp, too. Sometimes I forget this because I’m blinded by my feelings. As time goes by, I think I’m getting a message “you’re just not that important.” But it’s hard for me to believe that message when I don’t want to.

It’s annoying and confusing when actions do not coincide with words. It always makes me wonder if the person knows what they are doing, or if they are fooling themselves as much as they fooled me.

@nzigler I don’t see why not. In general, I have found that employers are busy, and things fall off their radar, so that if you do call, it reminds them, and things start moving again. Of course, they may also be avoiding telling you they don’t want you, but either way, the polite “where are you in your hiring process? May keep you from staying on pins and needles for so long. Also, it shows you are really interested, which is better than the cool, waiting people.

@daloon: ”It’s annoying and confusing when actions do not coincide with words. It always makes me wonder if the person knows what they are doing, or if they are fooling themselves as much as they fooled me.”

This makes me want to tear my hair out when someone asks why I haven’t believed what they’ve told me. I don’t like becoming irritated with people I care about, it opens the door for me to accept attention elsewhere and you know as well as I do there’s always someone willing to be the devil on your shoulder. grrrr

It’s generally with my sister actually as we are very good friends, (she is my best friend) I will 90% of the time make the call because she is a very busy lady and I’m not so busy right now. When I was busy, I stopped making the calls so much and the relationship deteriorated and I kinda accepted that if I wanted it to continue I would have to make the calls…actually sometimes I was surprised when she would ring but more often than not…I felt deflated and worthless

Usually if I’m waiting for someone to call, I would resist calling so that I don’t come off as overeager or clingy. And I’d be more upset if they were with someone else, as opposed to doing nothing. I can be very jealous.

@lynneblundell Yeah, i think it all depends on the situation and the person.