I need advice about this relationship situation?

He showed his true colors. I’m sorry, but I would not want to be with someone that was so hateful towards me or a situation that we could potentially be dealing with even hypothetically. A partner should be supportive, and not make a woman feel bad about it.

I will say, my husband did spaz when we were pregnant with my first. But he was mainly concerned about money. He never once wanted me to get rid of the baby.

You have to talk to him about this. You also have to figure out what you want from the relationship. if you want a baby and a family then this guy may not be the perfect choice. I really do think you should talk to him though. Get all your feelings out in the open and see what he wants in the relationship. Good luck!

Say goodbye.

I agree with @casheroo
Some may excuse this because you both were drinking, but I think alcohol only brings attitudes and feelings to the forefront. It doesn’t create them out of nothing.

Not a normal guy reaction. Not everything in life can be controlled – there’s always potential for the unexpected. No excuse for verbal abuse.

I agree with @reacting_acid. I just think that this was an expression of a man who did not want to be forced into a parenthood situation that he was not ready for and did not welcome. I think as a guy the most frightening thing in the world is not having a say in the decision to be a parent. I think this should just be a heads up to be careful and practice safe sex.

Eek. Doesn’t sound normal at all. What @J0E said.

=(

Although his reaction may have been reprehensible, a lot of guys will panic if there’s a baby on the way and they don’t feel prepared. It doesn’t excuse his reaction, but even if his feelings are currently that a baby is a bad idea now doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll feel that way forever or that he doesn’t want a child with you eventually.

If he was abusive toward you, then obviously you should leave him. But if he was just freaked out and swearing about the situation itself, I wouldn’t leave him over a bad reaction to something that would frighten anyone who’s unprepared.

I would say he’d have the right to freak out about a potential baby but definitely not to that degree. Even if you are the one having it, it becomes his responsibility and will alter his preferred course through life too. What he should have done was talk about it a little more calmly.

I don’t know how old you are but if you’re in your early 20’s or earlier, it is not surprising for him to not be thinking babies. I don’t think that says much about him at all. But I do think the freakout showed his true colors, regarding how he will act when given “bad” news.

I don’t think you should break up with him over it. Talk to him, talk to him about where kids stand in both of your futures, and make it clear to him not to ever act like that again. Also make a point of telling him where you stand on accidental pregnancy. If your opinions conflict way too much or he overreacts again, I’d ditch him. (I personally am not a fan of men who get loud and angry in those kinds of bursts). It is possible to step up birth control methods on both sides to avoid pregnancy until you’re both ready.

Also, you were likely experiencing a migraine. They affect people differently but it is very common for them to have nausea attached. And generally feel like someone’s pulling your head apart.

The only thing that comes to mind is that i should post the lyrics to a song from a group i loved in med school… The band is called Guster and the song is called “So Long”:

Yes I heard all that you had to say
That’s when it all fell apart
Might be hated but I can’t pretend
I liked you better before

So long so long
Front foot leads the back one
Go on and it wont be too soon
I’m gone I’m gone
and on to the next one
So long and I wont be back soon

Yes I’m blue but from holding my breath
Like I had from the start
I’m the villian and I should confess
I liked you better before

So long so long
And on to the next one
Go on and it wont be too soon
I’m gone I’m gone
Bet you saw this one coming
So long and I wont be back soon

It’s hateful to say
I see it this way
I don’t even know who you are
But in my defense I’d do it again
I don’t need to know who you are

So long so long
And on to the next one
Go on and it wont be too soon
You’re gone You’re gone
Are you waiting for something?
Go on cause I wont be back soon

It’s hateful to say
I see it this way
I don’t even know who you are
But in my defense I’d do it again
I don’t need to know who you are

So long so long
Front foot leads the back one
Go on cause it wont be too soon
You’re lost and gone and on to the next one
Don’t need to know who you are
Don’t need to know who you are

I think you are right. This is sad. I do not agree with some of the other posts which seem to suggest that it was indefensible on his part. To me it sounds like the expression of a great deal of anxiety. He may just need some reassurance before he is able to apologize for his bad behavior, which he should certainly do.

He apologized, so that’s good. Otherwise, his reaction is normal. But if that’s truly the way he feels then he should make an effort to ALWAYS use birth control, and so should you. Otherwise, you might end up pregnant and he might not want to participate. Be careful.

A little over the top in his reaction, but as you said, you were drinking. Are you in a committed relationship with him, by that I mean exclusive of others? Is your long term goal to marry this guy? If so, now is the time to discuss your goals, where you see your relationship going, weather you both want kids eventually and all the things couples talk about. If you aren’t wanting the same things, maybe you should think about staying with him.

douche. bag.

if you’ve been together for two plus years, why hasn’t the ‘what if I get pregnant’ talk come up before’- I am sympathetic and noot trying to be offensive with this question, just curious?

…I was experiencing the most awful headache ever, the kind you get with nausea and everything, so he asked what the hell was wrong with me, I told him I was getting the flu or something.. and he asked me if I could be pregnant…I told him of course not (Im not).. but then I said ” If I were pregnant I would definately keep the baby” the thing is, he went berserk about it, said every kind of awful word there is…

@Lorenita, This the reaction of a person that has yet to fully comprehend that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. What you’ve been through with the bar and your mom’s illness, you know that what you think you can control and what you really can control are two entirely different things.

I would be a little sad if I were physically ill, drinking or not, and the person I was with reacted in that manner to 1) how I was feeling, and 2) the expression of a moral position that is commendable. I would question why he would feel that he’s exempt from the biological intent of intercourse on the basis of “he’s got other plans.”

Do you otherwise view him as as great of a catch as he seems to view himself?

Ok, so that wasn’t exactly a hallmark moment. Obviously having a child at this point in his life makes him feel very uncomfortable.

I agree with @casheroo, he has revealed his true colors.

I have to agree with @PandoraBoxx. I totally blew over the part where you were sick and instead of him being sympathetic, he asks “what the hell is the matter with you?” This is before the pregnancy issue came up. Not a good reaction to you being sick.

In vino veritas, as the Romans said. People tend to let loose when they’re drunk on how they really feel about things.

Consider what he said and what you want in a relationship, and adjust accordingly.

I’m sorry you had to go through this. I mean, headache and booze and flu and to have to deal with this? Outrageous! Is he often insensitive to your feelings? Can he get beyond himself, or is he the one who is always his first priority?

I don’t know about men’s behavior in general. All I know is this seems like something I would be very ashamed of myself if I did it. Maybe he was also having a really bad day?

What worries me is his jumping to conclusions. When you said you would keep an unplanned baby, he must have jumped to all kinds of conclusions about what you were trying to do. Maybe he thought you were trying to rope him in. But such a vehement reaction is worrying—not so much about his reaction to children, as about what he suspected of you.

It’s only one case, so I don’t know, but if this is part of a pattern, I would find that very troublesome. I get the impression that he doesn’t really listen to you, and maybe he keeps you around more like a piece of furniture than like a human being. Obviously there’s much more to your relationship that I don’t know, so I could be totally off. In any case, I think you should think about his behavior, and see if there are other things like this that happened in the past. If you find a lot of them, I doubt if you will be spending much more time in the relationship.

Yup, he’s a jerk. I am sorry you had to find out this way, but at least you found out before really serious things happened.
Hope you feel better.

True colors. Sorry.

i’m wondering if he has shown this temper in the past about other things, or just this once.

=(((((((

Oh, dear, @Lorenita, that doesn’t look good. :(

He seems to be a very selfish person. What if you were pregnant? All he worried about was him and his future. I wouldn’t be too happy if I were you either. You might want to think about what you want for your future and talk it over with him if you haven’t already. If you’re planning to be with this guy long term then you guys need to be on the same page and he needs to be more sensitive to your feelings.

@Lorenita
OK it seems like you’re more than happy to just throw this guy under the bus for this and play the helpless victim but I’m guessing that this not the first time this issue came up. You had a fight over a very serious issue which is masking another issue and that is if you are meant to have children with each other. You were feeling under the weather and I get the sense that it just added to the situation. And yes if it was someone who was thinking about you and feeling empathy he wouldn’t have done it. But he probably was just done.

I’ve had some bad break ups…I was left 250 miles from home without a car in the middle of nowhere. That was bad timing on my part but the fact of the matter is when you’re done you’re done and neither protocol, health, place or time means anything. There just comes a time of overflowing emotion which threatens to strangle you if you don’t let it out. Something in you just screams , “This is my life and I’m taking it back!” My guess is that this guy was telling you what he really feels and break ups are often messy and rarely expressed directly. He was basically saying that you’re not for him so just accept it as for the best. Would you want to have children with someone who didn’t want children anyway?
No one’s to blame. It is what it is.