How do I cope with learning that my Aunt has cancer?

Write her a letter, something she can hold in her hand on nice parchment paper. Let her know what she means to you and how much you want to be there for her. Let her know she’s not alone. Remind her of times where she’s shown strength and inspired you. Be consistent when no one else is.

Good luck.

Take the family photo album over and have a great time browsing through it with her. Take lots of new pictures while you are visiting.

My mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer a little over a year ago, three days before my birthday.

The one thing I cannot stress enough – DO NOT PANIC.

Calm down, breathe. Wait for information. Do not fret or raise anyone’s anxiety or your own. You can do nothing until you’re informed and you are most likely in the first wave of information coming out. Which usually includes the word “cancer” and that’s it. Wait until you have a type of cancer, a stage and a plan.

Until multiple doctors tell you to dig your heels in for a long haul – breathe easy. Most cancers are very treatable if caught early.

Once all things settle, jump in full force as support. Let her cry on your shoulder even if it’s uncomfortable for you, make her laugh as much as you can, take her out, fetch her groceries, make her dinner and be the niece you should be. Coordinate with your family about care during chemo or whatever treatments she chooses. Make sure she always has someone. You’ll grow closer and her treatment will go much easier for her.

Do everything you can to show her that you care about her and support her. Make the most of your time together, having cancer isn’t nessiscarily a death sentence, plenty of people survive cancer. Be supportive and optimistic as you can because she’s going through a lot right now. Really make the most of your time with her, I lost my grandmother and several other relatives to various types of cancer and the last thing you want is regretting not spending enough time with her, In total I’ve lost six relatives to cancer so I know how difficult it is.

What I would do is call or write and let her know that I am here for her in any way she needs help. If it is simply an ear to listen to then great. If she needs help cleaning or organizing a food tree then great. If she has good spirits you may even throw her a party, for example if you know she must go through chemo many times one will throw a shaving head party and give gifts of scarves and hats.

I have a friend suffering from breast cancer right now. I love her dearly and did follow my own advice in that regard. Luckily she is the type to be in good spirits.

For yourself you may find out what type of cancer she has and read up on it. Also allow yourself to grieve for her. This is so difficult.

Another tip is that it is okay to talk about the cancer for most people. It is now a part of her life and shouldn’t be ignored. Ask her how she feels though to make sure.

Quote from @asmonet:

“Calm down, breathe. Wait for information. Do not fret or raise anyone’s anxiety or your own. You can do nothing until you’re informed and you are most likely in the first wave of information coming out. Which usually includes the word “cancer” and that’s it. Wait until you have a type of cancer, a stage and a plan.”

And my advice to add:

Do not mourn your Aunt today. The battle is not over- it has just begun.
Now is the time to educate yourself about the enemy she faces and to be there for her.

Along with the other solid advice you’ve gotten already, talk to your parents about how you’re feeling. That will help a great deal.

I agree with the idea not to mourn your Aunt today. But you can grieve the illness and her upcoming battle with it.

If there is one thing that I learned from my current cancer problems, it’s wait until you have all the facts and what course of treatment is being taken. As many have said, Cancer is not a death sentence and everyone has a different way of dealing with their own illness. I have a while to wait before they decide what they are going to do to me. Then I will decide if I am going to worry or not. In the meantime I do not want to treated like a china doll, or coddled. Sure there are some things I get too tired to do anymore, but until they wheel me in and/or out, I want to be labeled ‘not fragile’.

Back you how you are dealing with your aunts illness. I will echo what others may have all said or thought. First: Wait until all the facts are in. Second: Don’t freak out and be extra nice and try to do all kinds of extra nice stuff that you cant sustain. Finally: Remember she ain’t going to die tomorrow and may have things and ways she wants to handle her illness herself. Respect those wishes once she makes them known.

That’s my perspective on this, YMMV
Rich

Cancer is not always a death sentence, but it is a battle.

Never pass up the opportunity to tell someone that you love them, or that they are meaningful in your life.

@PandoraBoxx great point

Honestly, some of the best things you can do for your aunt is to help her out with little tasks. Yes, love and support her and spend some time with her, but also cook her dinner sometimes and do her laundry and clean up a little bit. Go grocery shopping for her. Offer to drive her to and from chemo and/or radiation. Laugh when she tells a bad joke. When she’s too tired to go up the stairs, go get her book/sweater/glasses/whatever. Also, depending on what the cancer is, be prepared for her body reacting in some ways that may be gross or frightening. Don’t judge her, just help her clean up or whatever she needs. With the medical technology these days, chances are your aunt is going to be fine. Help her stay positive. Knowing that someone loves her and wants to help her out in this difficult time will make her feel so much better.

@Brenna_o

“CancerCare offers online, telephone and face-to-face support groups that connect you with other people who are in a similar situation.

All support groups are free and led by professional oncology social workers who are experienced with cancer-related issues and concerns.

Online support groups can be accessed whenever you need them, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Each group is facilitated by an oncology social worker and password protected.

We offer groups for patients, caregivers, loved ones, teens, young adults, parents, and the bereaved. Find out what online groups we currently offer and how to register. Telephone support groups bring together people from around the country on a weekly one-hour phone call, facilitated by an oncology social worker.

Whether you are a person with cancer or caregiver, you can meet others in a similar situation, helping you feel like a part of a larger community of support. Face-to-face groups are offered at a set time weekly at one of our offices.

We offer groups for people with cancer, their loved ones and the bereaved.” We can also help you find face-to-face support groups in your community, no matter where you live.To learn more about support groups, please call us at 1–800-813–4673 or email info@cancercare.org

CancerCare is a good organization. Also call us at the American Cancer Society
18002272345 it is a 24/7 line where there will always be a cancer specialist ready to talk with you and your family..hell you call us at the Brooklyn ACS office at 7186222492 and ask to speak to the Director of Patient and Family Services who is my supervisor (I am a Patient Navigator for newly diagnosed cancer patients in Brooklyn) and she will help you.

@virtualist At least for me, I let my support team know what I need and want and how I want to be treated
As many individuals that suffer as your Aunt is/will suffer, There are support groups that will help shoulder the load. You will never be alone.
I am a notoroiously bad patient and prefer to be left alone. When I need help I almost have to be broken before I will ask for it. (sometimes even too late) That’s because I am very proud and dont like to be coddled

2 of my grandmothers, 2 of their sisters, and my uncle have been diagnosed with cancer.

The first 4 didn’t make it but were diagnosed very late. My uncle was diagnosed when he went to the hospital for a car accident and we think they caught it in time after removing a portion of his kidney.

I haven’t read the comments above. To be honest, talking about this stuff is very painful for me, so I’m just going to tell you what I’ve done. My initial response every time was to freak out. It’s not surprising but it is very very stressful and you need to be able to function.

What you need to do right now is find some way of calming your fears long enough to realize that regardless of whether or not the doctors say she’ll be fine, you need to spend time with her and let her know how much you love her. No matter what stage she’s in, you should spend time with her, build memories, and love her. When my grandmother had to shuttle around the city for Chemo, I can only imagine how important my mother’s love and presence were to her.

Cancer is a very deceptive disease and no matter how much you try, you won’t be able to prepare yourself in the event it wins. I’ve tried my damnedest every single time. All you can do is appreciate what you’ve got right now.

Take your lead from your aunt and remember it’s about what she needs, not what you need. Sometimes dealing with emotional friends and relatives can be as energy sapping as healing. My daughter was so freaked out that I had to send her home the day after I got home from the hospital, I found her watching me every time I woke up. I only told a couple of people at work about the cancer because I would need to be leaving at 2 on some days. I couldn;t stand being asked how I feel. The best thing about working is being too busy to think how you feel or what may be going on inside,

If you feel the need to cry then let it all out. There is nothing wrong with crying over something like this. I once found out that my grandmother had cancer and she lived on thru it with kemo and radition. Then she went on to live a healthy life and died of natural causes. Just keep on pushing and don’t ever give up on her fight to live!