How do you help some one with an eating disorder?

You can’t help her until she admits to herself that she needs help. That’s the first step.

Eating disorders are a psychological illness that are VERY hard to control. It is very difficult to help someone with this. In fact the best way to help your friend is to get them to see a professional. There are counseling programs that are free or sliding-scale. It’s not rehab but it is better than nothing.

And be supportive.

Also do not help them with their “problem” in any way. If you know they have it there is no reason to be silent about it so long as you are appropriate. Also do not support their ideas of their body image. If they talk about how great they look and they are too thin due to eating disorder just ignore it. Or if they talk about how fat they look then ignore it. Play no role in supporting their negative body image.

However confronting them repeatedly and getting into arguments with them about the issue is not helpful. So avoid this.

If no one else knows then you should tell someone.

Also remember you are not responsible for her/his eating disorder. You can only offer your support and some resources. You cannot change their behavior.

Hugs.

Stay by her side and give her moral support. Give her compliments about how she looks everyday. She has to learn that she has a problem and she needs to fix it.

I would be careful about compliments since that could reinforce the negative things she is doing.

Does she want help? What is her take on the problem?

@nikipedia I agree about the compliments. Wouldn’t telling a sickly thin person that they look great make them think they’re doing something right and to keep going?

@chief420 From my understanding, there isn’t much you can do. A person with an eating disorder has a mental illness and needs a trained therapist/doctor to help. Although she can’t afford rehab, are there counselors she can afford? Is she in school where she can receive free help? Does she acknowledge she has a problem?

My friend willing NOW admits hr problem but she continues to binge and purge all day. I have always been there for her and i support her with her struggle. But i care abut her so much that I am looking for solutions. Yes she is in school, and she does have access to a counselor she just says she doesnt need it and it doesnt help??

Eating disorders don’t appear spontaneously. Most times, eating disorders are about control issues stemming from some sort of trauma. The eating disorder is often a symptom of a larger issue that needs to be addressed.

@chief420 She may need a different counselor, this may not be the right one for her. But it sounds more like she just isn’t ready for one. In that case you can’t do much. Perhaps talk to that counselor yourself and see if he/she has resources for you to help your friend or just in general.

@chief420 Has she tried the counselor and thought it didn’t help, or is she just assuming it won’t?

@RedPowerLady @chief420 Regrettably, school counselors, while meaning well, usually don’t have the tools needed to address such a serious issue. Many times, professional help is required.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic Very true.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic I’m sure that’s true about many school counselors, but don’t count out school counselors. I went to one at my university. He was an actual Dr., and helped me through the absolute most difficult time of my life. Best therapist I’ve ever been too I’m not particularly troubled usually, but I love therapy. And it was free.

@Likeradar That sounds like a person schools need more of.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic Definitely!

But back to the q… @RedPowerLady had a great idea about you talking to a counselor about what you can do as a friend. You sound like a very good friend, but your friend needs professional help. With a professional backing you, you might be able to lead her in the right direction.

Eating disorders, particularly in young women, are among the most difficult and intractable issues to deal with. The gold standard textbook is written by Salvador MInuchin and his co-workers. It “presents case studies and applies the techniques of family therapy to the treatment of self-starvation, anorexia nervosa, as well as other psychosomatic diseases.” http://www.amazon.com/Psychosomatic-Families-Anorexia-Nervosa-Context/product-reviews/0674722205/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

“Excellent Study of the Role of Family in Anorexia Nervosa
In “Psychosomatic Families: Anorexia Nervosa in Context,” Salvador Minuchin and his co-authors argue that anorexia nervosa is not a neurosis that is limited to an isolated individual. On the contrary, they argue that anorexia belongs to an ailing social structure—specifically, that of the family. Minuchin’s analyses of a variety of family therapy sessions…

ugh you cant really help, they have to want to help themselves. unless they are REALLY bad looking and you think they might end up not making it then i would say talk to someone about it. or better yet tell the person how you feel about it. there are other ways

Just like most people said, you can’t help the person unless they want help. I’m bulimic (getting treatment though), and I finally got to the point where I realised I needed help. That’s when I told my mum the truth. But what you can do is watch what you say around the person. Avoid words like devour, scarff down, pig out, etc. Also, don’t comment on their weight. Even if you say the person looks skinny, she/he may likely continue to purge or starve themselves. I was told by a friend that I looked a lot skinnier, and I though to myself, “wow. If I’m looking skinnier from throwing up all the time, I’ll get even MORE thin if I keep puking!”

So really all you can do for them is try to support them, don’t tell them what to do or how to stop/become healthy, and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY that they will be able to stop.

@h3ll0kitty7990: Don’t confront the person about it. I have had that happen to me, and I just lied to them. If they don’t want to stop they aren’t going to tell you, because you may try to stop them. One thing you can do is call or talk privately with the person’s parents and tell them what you think. You can ask them to keep an eye on the person to see if anything unusual is going on. (i.e. after meals going to the bathroom (mostly with the faucet or shower running), always skipping meals, etc).