If your 9 or 12 year old child just wanted to change their gender (assume for this question that there is no underlying medical need for it, the kid just wants to do it,) would you allow it?

Three conditions would have to be fulfilled first.
1. A psychatric evaluation must come to the conclusion that it really is a mind-in-the-body-of-the-wrong-gender case.
2. The condition must be severe enough to negatively impede normal life, eg. lead to depression and/or a higher suicide risk.
3. I need to have enough money for this.

NOOOO!!!!! Not at THAT age. No way! Kids that age don’t know their own mind or body. That’s MUCH too young to let them make such a decision.

As with any elective life-altering surgery you need to wait till the child is mature enough to understand and accept the consequences.

There is a protocol for handling trans-gender prepubescents, and everything done until legal majority is always completely reversible.

@pdworkin didn’t know that! Thanks.

@jbfletcherfan I agree, that is entirely to young for them to be making those kind of decisions on there own, great answer!

I would help my child live like the opposite (so, their true/mental) gender and would put my child on hormone suppressants so they didn’t go through puberty. I would probably allow them to go on hormones when they were about 15 or 16, especially if they asked for them. I wouldn’t allow surgery till they were 18, though.

I would treat them and allow them to be who they are, and if one of my sons comes to me one day and says he feels like he was meant to be born a woman..I would guide him the best I could.
But, I would not allow a surgery to be done until they were at least 18. Surgery is a big deal, even for adults to have it. I know they sometimes wait years to have the surgery for whatever reasons (Cher’s daughter recently had it, and you know she had the funds to have it prior to the age he is now, I’m thinking he waited until he felt ready for it.)

@fireinthepriory OK, for the sake of argument, although your child hasn’t had the operation, for all outward intents an purposes it can be assumed that this kid who was a boy one day, suddenly turns into a girl the next day. Would you have him/her change schools?

@Val123 I would ask their opinion. If they didn’t want to switch I would not make them, and if they did want to switch I would make it happen, no questions asked.

One of my friends is transitioning right now, and it’s pretty tough, but also good in that it’s very liberating for him to be who he really is. He’s in the really early stages, which I think is a very hard place to be – half the people he knows still call him by the wrong name, and it’s hard to keep track of who knows. Luckily we’re in a liberal place, so he hasn’t run into much resistance, and I think that this experience would make me braver for my hypothetical transgendered child. My advice to my child if they were on the fence about switching schools would be to try it for a while, and if it became too much to handle I would help them switch at that point.

GA @fireinthepriory My only real thoughts on transferring schools would be that doing so would allow them to make the change without the emotional crap that’s going to come down on them from kids in their school who knew him/her before. A new school would allow them to start over, and new kids would treat her as a female naturally. It wouldn’t be “weird” for them, or forced, and they wouldn’t be talking about it all the time.

@Val123 Very true. I think that it would certainly be easier to switch schools for both the parent and the child.

However, there are also global ramifications of not switching schools in this situation that I think are actually very important. When issues are invisible, people remain ignorant and thus often intolerant. Harvey Milk’s argument for coming out of the closet – ” “They’ll vote for us two to one if they know one of us.” I would not want to “martyr” my child for the cause of trans issues, e.i. pressure them not to switch schools for that reason (the same reason that I would never tell anyone to come out of the closet if they didn’t want to) but a lot of schools don’t think about trans issues, and I think they should. This is why I would not try to force my child to switch schools if they didn’t want to. I would be very proactive about helping make not switching schools possible – like scheduling meetings with the school board, the teachers, etc. and educating them on trans issues.

Another thing to think about – a child who is trans is likely already a little bit genderqueer (for lack of a better word) in appearance, so I don’t think there would ever be a situation where little Molly is wearing pink dresses and pigtails one day, and then with no warning comes into school in overalls and a buzz cut, asking to be called Martin. That’s usually not the way that transpeople work, in my experience. :)

@fireinthepriory Yes, but….it’s kind of hard for me to justify using kids to fight societal battles…like that poor black girl who had to be the first one to walk into an all white school when desegregation became a law. Sure, she made her mark on history, but how did that affect her as an individual. Maybe it’s selfish, but I’d put my child’s heart and mind above any need to educate the public on such issues….now, if the child were willing to stand up for it, I’d so back them, 100%. But it would have to be their choice, subject to changing their minds at any time! I think we’re on the same page here…

Per your last statement, read the link, the article linked in the question I posted in the details. The article makes it sound like that’s exactly what happened….I really don’t know anything about it first hand, to be honest!

wow wow wow, how does a 9 year old know about “Sex reassignment surgery” ???

No, too young, at least for any operations or hormones. Hardly anyone but genetic anomalies are even near finished developing physically, mentally or emotionally by age 12. But if the child wanted to live as the other gender, at that age, I don’t see what the big deal is. Granted, once the child starts crushing on people, they’ll need a sit-down and an explanation as to how to handle kids who’ll make fun of them or refuse their advances. The thing is, you just can’t shut your child down when they’re feeling this way. Something’s going on and you have to help them sort it through.

But operations and such? No, of course not. 18–21+.

My thoughts exactly, @aprilsimnel Not to mention age 9. That’s why the article, as well as the question (posted in the details) really, really threw me for a loop. Heck, in this day and age probably half the kids don’t even know if they’re straight, gay, bi or what because the “question” is so all over them.

@windex: I’m not sure, but many transgender/genderqueer people are aware from a very young age that something is not right. It’s just something you know.

Not at that age. That’s way to young to make such a life altering decision. I would make my child wait until they were 18 and could make such decisions as an “adult”.

No. Kids that age always think they know what they want. What happens 7 years from now when they wake up one day and realize they didn’t really want a penis. Oops!

@ItalianPrincess1217 That’s right. Totally agree.

”What happens 7 years from now when they wake up one day and realize they didn’t really want a penis.”

What happens when 5 years from now when they wake up one day an realize they can’t deal with their outside not matching their inside and they kill themself?

@MacBean I think it’s important to back your child in what they need, but as a parent you can’t let them make such profound decisions at such a young age. Make it clear that if that is still their course when they’re 18, then you will be behind them 100%. People kill themselves because they think there is not hope.

@Val123 Yeah, it’s kind of a moot point, anyway. That’s just what popped into my head in response to that particular sentence, so I pointed it out.

@MacBean I think a child that young isn’t yet able to make such a life changing decision. When I was 9, I was determined to become an employee of McDonalds. I thought it would be the best job ever and no matter what, I’d never want to work anywhere but McDonalds. Well, obviously I grew up and eventually realized that I hated fast food restaurants and no amount of money in the world would make me want to work at one for the rest of my life. The point is, kids have big dreams. They also have big imaginations. But the things they want at the age of 9 don’t always turn out to be something they want at the age of 18. It would be very risky on my part to allow a 9–12 year old to make such a huge decision at that point in their lives. Most don’t even hit puberty until 13!

@ItalianPrincess1217: As I said in my first comment to this question, many transgender/genderqueer people know from a very young age that something isn’t right. Speaking from personal experience, I don’t have memories of feeling comfortable in my own skin, so I was aware of it at some level before the age of four. This isn’t all that uncommon.

@ItalianPrincess1217 I think shirking it off as a child’s imagination is part of parents problem. If one of my sons comes to me and truly wants to be a girl, I may not allow the surgery as a minor..but I will treat him as a girl and let him dress that way. I’d also bring him to a therapist that is a specialist in that field, so he can work out the issues that come along with it (I’m not familiar with it all, but I’m sure if it was happening to my child..I’d be quite knowledgeable.) So what if he changes his mind after a couple years? No sweat off my back. But, usually when someone feels something is off like that..well, it just doesn’t go away.

Seriously? If my 9–12 year old said anything about changing gender I’d be shocked. Where would they get this idea from???
Either way- no way, Jose. That isn’t an age to be making life changing decisions.

@casheroo: <fistbump> You’re awesome. Also, when I get my anxiety issues under control and get back to school, that’s the sort of therapist that I’m going to be. :D Not sure if I want to do all ages or specialize in kids, though. I’ll figure it out.

@casheroo & @MacBean I never said I would completely ignore my child’s feelings about changing their gender. But there’s no way I would let them go through with a permanent surgery until they had at least a few years to think it through. I would of course be there for them. And if they wanted to be treated as a different gender and dress differently, I would support that. Just no serious surgeries until they are mentally and emotionally more mature.

@ItalianPrincess1217: Then this is an especially silly debate because that’s a moot point.

umm not yet i dont want to sound like a bitch im 12 but theyre still kids and cant decide things like that for themselves make sure there serious about it they cant just change back but if they genuinly need that for themselves dont treat them like a freak i think you should wait a while and ask them again

p.s give them emotional support the whole way i still love a good cuddle from my parents x