How long did you take off work after you had a child?

good question, i need to hear these answers

as you know I’m single…so that makes a difference,...perhaps.. but..so far, three years and I still plan to be here for him until he’s going to school..and I still have issues with that

@lynneblundell Does that mean you stay at home with him? Sorry I’m being dense.

yes I do, but! he does go to pre-school (which my sister owns…I’m soooo blessed) for four mornings a week so that I can study for a degree that will hopefully enlighten me into ways that I’m not yet enwisened to (yes that word is made up!) give me direction and occupational purpose and make us lots of money so that I can give him whatever he needs whether that be a project in a wood to build his own home and get away from society or make million and live in the city… or something in between…it’s not my choice… but one must provide. Those are my dreams

p.s you’re not being dense at all! xx

My daughter is nearly a year old and I have stayed home with her since the day she was born. Before she came into the world, I was working as a Video Producer and loved my job. But I don’t regret a second of the time that I’ve been home with my baby girl. These days are the best of my life! I do have days where I feel I need a creative outlet, or more adult interaction but I know that all too soon, she’ll be in school and there’ll be plenty of time and oppprtunity for me to continue my career. As of right now, I just can’t pull myself away from her!

@lynneblundell Thanx for the clarification. GA.

I’ve been pretty happy with the worklife/child raising choices I’ve made. I am a professional librarian. When my older son was born I stopped working and went back to part time work when he was 4 and my younger son was 2½. I worked at a variety of part time jobs – teaching writing and word processing, usually the equivalent of 2–3 days a week – while they were growing up. Twelve years ago, I got a 3 day a week job as a community college reference librarian, and also teach adult ed literature courses. I have not built the career I might have done, but I have had satisfying work and been able to treasure the time I had with my sons.

I haven’t been back to work, at least full time. I’ve had a few part time jobs here and there. It’s been 2½ years. My husband took off 2 weeks- all his vacation, personal and sick time to be with me, and boy, was I grateful. This time, though, he won’t have all that to use so we’ll be lucky if he gets a full week.

Only a couple of weeks (plus 2 more weeks Easter leave) when she was born, and that was because she needed to have an operation. I was not allowed to leave, but I just did, and refused to go back to work before I made sure she was ok. And then I took an indefinite leave (been over a year now) to help her out with all the other problems. I did other things however, like the odd concert, theatre plays, translation work, etc. Just set my priorities straight. Financially it’s been devastating, and I certainly can’t afford to stay out of “proper” work much longer. But I figured money is money, and 20 or 50 years from now she won’t care whether she inherited one house or ten, all she’ll remember will be her childhood and how happy or horrible that was.

oh btw I guess I should clarify that when she was between 1m and 40m old I did work, but due to the nature and proximity of my work, I did not really need a leave. I was only away for 5h/day and she was allowed to come with me at work (even though her mother didn’t often let her) and spent all 19 remaining hours with her, plus 24h/day at weekends and holidays, so I guess the question doesn’t really apply to me. I’ve spent more than enough time with my daughter whenever I was practically allowed, and the reason I’m not with her right now has nothing to do with work.

I never went back.

i took seven months, and i was busy and enjoying visiting friends and leisurely stuff during that time (summer, fall). i dreaded going back to work, but actually, now that she’s 2 and she’s so full of energy, i love her but i go to work to rest! i’m 43 so i probably have less energy than some. getting up for work is tough, but i can go there and get personal stuff done, and on my lunch hour i can read a magazine. as you know – there’s little reading with a toddler except maybe after they go to bed – except by then i’m ready for bed myself.

I’ve been off since I was pregnant with my first.
I have had two part time jobs since he’s been born, nothing that kept me away consistently though. I have been in school since he was 11 months old though. Either night classes so my husband or parents could watch our son, or online courses. I’m still in school currently.
I will be having another baby in February and I’m taking that semester off, plus the two summer sessions (I usually take a class during both summer sessions) Then I’ll be going back almost full time in the Fall…and working it out so there’s no daycare.

My husband had to work while I was in the hospital after giving birth to our first, but the hospital was within walking distance of his work so it wasn’t too bad. He did take days off but less than a week. This time, he’ll take off two days since someone will need to watch our older son, and then he’ll take off his day shift for a week but still work at night time (4–11/midnight) My parents will help me at night, with the toddler and newborn.

My only regret is not going to school sooner, since it probably would have been easier when he was younger. I had issues after giving birth though, so I put off school. I’d be closer to graduating though, which depresses me. But, I’ll eventually graduate and both my boys will get to see me get my degree!

Four years so far. It has been stressful and monotonous at times, but there are so many things I am glad I have been able to be here with her. I will go back to work at some point, but have no idea what I want to do. I am honestly unsure if I will be able to return to admin work at the same level I left and I’m not terribly excited about having to work my way up again, so I figure I might as well use it as an opportunity to make a career change (which I’ve wanted to do anyway).

First off let me rant about the absolute ridiculous paternity leaves out there – 2 days to a week for some…seriously?!! It’s not realistic, at all…not that maternity leaves in this country are realistic either..okay..on to the question

My first child was born in the summer after I graduated college and at that point I was accepted to graduate school…since thankfully my grad classes were in the evening I was able to stay with my son for 2 years…at that point he began going to pre-school, not because I couldn’t watch him but because Montessorri is simply a dream place every toddler should attend…when my second was born, I wasn’t working and it was my plan to stay with him until he went to the same pre-school as his brother…however, my husband was laid off a couple of weeks before I delivered and we had to reconsider our whole lives…I stayed with the baby for about 3 months and went to work full time…my husband is the stay at home parent…my job was temporary for 3 months…after that I stayed with the baby for another 2 while both my husband and I looked for work…I found a job first and went to work…this was a couple of months ago and it works for my family…if it so happens and I get pregnant, my company offers 3 months maternity leave, which is great…

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Do you mean that paternity leave isn’t long enough, or too long? Wow, that’s great that your company offers 3 months!

@ubersiren isn’t long enough! of course it isn’t..this is a policy that represents a notion in our society that fathers don’t need or want to be there for their infants..and it’s simply wrong

I took my 3 months’ maternity leave and all my accumulated vacation leave, a total of 4 months. Then, on returning to work, I had a full time nanny – that’s still possible in the West Indies.

With my first one I had a lot of trouble following the delivery and wasn’t able to go back to work until she was about 4 months old. It was so hard and I cried every time I dropped her off at the sitters for several weeks. With my second I stayed home about 18 months. I really enjoyed being home while I also was itching to get to work. It was nice being home, but I needed to do something besides housework. I admire people that don’t work outside the house. I personally couldn’t do it for very long.

With my first, I took six weeks of maternity leave. It was all I got paid for, and at the time, we could not at all afford for me to be out of work without a paycheck. Since I’d been on bed rest for a while toward the end of my pregnancy, I didn’t have sick or vacation time to add to that maternity leave. We had a wonderful home daycare provider, very close to home, and our daughter did very well with her. It was hard, but we did what we needed to do to get by. However, when she was nine months old I left that job to work closer to home.

With my second, we were in a better position financially and I took just under 4 months maternity leave. My son was born at the beginning of Sept., and I went back to work toward the end of Dec. I could have waited a couple of weeks, but by working for a few days before the holiday, I got paid for the week and half we were closed over Christmas and New Year’s. :) I worked in a daycare center, and both of my kids were right down the hall from me. They loved it, and the entire situation was perfect for us. I nursed my son on my lunch break, visited with my daughter, and sometimes snuck out to see them when the kids in my class napped each afternoon.

When I was pregnant with my third child, we moved to a new town. My daughter was starting kindergarten, and it just made sense for me to stay home. The commute to my job wouldn’t have been worth it, and paying for three kids (we had a kindergarten program at the daycare) would have left me with no paycheck at all. We are very lucky that I can stay home now and we still have the same kind of lifestyle as when I worked. Not extravagant by any means what’s it like to buy a brand new car? vacation? what the heck is that? but it’s nice to be here when the kids get home from school.

I don’t regret any of the choices we made. We did the best we could with what we have, and it must have been OK because all of our kids are happy and well-adjusted and mostly normal.

My youngest will start kindergarten next year, and then I’ll contemplate getting a part-time job. I’m actually looking forward to it. Getting to hang out with grown ups and maybe take a lunch break would be a nice change of pace!

Thanks for the wonderful responses.

And there’s room for more!

Once I have a baby (when I’m married) – I’m going to stay home.. forever!
My parents weren’t very lovely or kind with me, so I’m extremely excited to smother my children with lovin’ and Martha Stewart skills. Which is provoking my need to stay home with the kiddo’s once I have a few. This won’t really be a negotiating fact with future spouse, either. ;)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Right, I agree. It’s not just about daddy getting time off, but it’s about someone being there for mommy, especially if she’s recovering from a c-section. Maybe there could even be baby leave permitted to a family member if daddy isn’t in the picture. It’s rough in the beginning, man! I couldn’t imagine not having my husband there at least for a couple days after.

I agree as far as paternity leave goes. The US is severely lacking.

the first couple of charts are interesting to look at
but I wonder where in the US is it 84 days?
that’s certainly not uniform
http://chartsbin.com/

I have given birth to 4 children, so I do understand the need for some recuperation, for the mother.
I am not sure that I really understand Paternity leave. When I had all of my babies, my husband went back to work, usually the same day that they were born, and only took a day off if he was needed at home and used one of his vacation days.
Yes, it was difficult for me, as I had very limited help from him or anyone else.
My third child was also a cesarean, another hard time. It would have been nice to have my husband at home to help, but then who would work to earn money to pay the bills?
Who pays for paternity, and for that matter maternity leave?
Does the employer cover the expense? The government (meaning the tax payer)? Who?
I stopped having kids, because I couldn’t afford to have any more.
I had no maternity leave at all. I left my job when I had my first baby. I stayed home with no income coming in for me. No unemployment or sick leave or maternity leave.
I don’t really understand the whole concept. Unless you have paid in to some kind of insurance that then pays you when you take off time., like workmen’s compensation.
What am I missing? How can people be getting all this time off? Are they paid or unpaid?

I am not a mother, but we’ve discussed having kids. I’ve followed this thread with interest, but I don’t know how people support themselves, taking all this time off. We need both incomes to cover everything. If I had a kid, I couldn’t afford to stay home, and we couldn’t afford day care, so I have to keep my eggs to myself.

@laureth I understand your dilemma, especially right now with this economy. I have done “without” for my entire adult life, so that I could stay home with my kids.
I truly hope that when you feel ready for children, your budget will accommodate that desire.

@laureth That’s just it. We can’t afford daycare either, that’s how we afford for me to stay at home. Me working would be pointless, all my money would go to daycare…and I probably couldn’t even get a job that provided healthcare, so it’d be even more pointless because we’d get nothing out of it. It definitely takes budgeting and balance to stay at home, especially when you stay at home out of necessity.

@wilma Maternity leave is a benefit that employers provide much like medical benefits. Paid maternity leave is typically 6 weeks long. Fathers do not get paid paternity leave unless they are using vacation time from work. All time on top of this is just mother or father taking unpaid time off (unless employer is generous enough to pay for more time). However in other countries, that pay higher taxes, they get much more maternity and paternity leave, paid.

Both times I took maternity leave from a full-time job, the first six weeks were “paid.” I use the quotation marks because the company I worked for when my son was born only paid a percentage of my usual salary. Any sick or vacation time I had could also be used at that point. It wasn’t much. Under FMLA law, I could take up to 16 weeks and still go back to my job with the same status and same pay as before I took the leave. I don’t know if that’s a state or national thing, though.

When we planned to have a second child, we spent the nine months of my pregnancy saving money. We put enough money aside to make up for the loss of my paycheck during those months of maternity leave, plus enough to pay for health insurance. That usually came out of my paycheck, but without a paycheck I had to pay the company to keep the insurance going during my leave. So, when the time came, we weren’t financially strapped.

Our third baby was quite unexpected oops but we still used that time before he was born to save up. Also, it just worked out that my husband’s business had taken off and we could afford for me to stay home with the kids but not have to cut back too much. It will be such a relief when I can work full-time again and have health benefits! Writing that health insurance check each month just pisses me off.

@casheroo – let me put it this way. Between our two incomes, we have the things we need. If we were to take out the money for daycare, we would not have the things we need. This doesn’t make it more appealing to lose half the household income instead of paying daycare, because then we would still not have the things we need.

When I say “things we need,” I am not talking about dinners out every night, flat screen TVs, or trips to Italy. I mean, literally, that if only my husband worked, we could not afford the mortgage and utilities and food. If I have my priorities fragged and we can “do without” some of that, I’m not sure which ones are negotiable. We don’t have cell phones, cable, and we don’t even go see movies. Our house is small. Our luxury is Internet.

@laureth : I think that’s the most common struggle with new parents. I just happen to be lucky enough that my husband has a decent job. We still must scrimp and cut corners in all aspects of spending, even with his fair wage. I don’t know how single parents do it.

@wilma: Some of my husband’s “paternity leave” was covered because he took vacation days, and some of it was not paid and he just took the time off. But if you plan to have a child, a couple can often plan for this time off and save up paid time off if it’s offered at that job- like vacation days. Many good companies are starting to offer paternity leave in the same way they supply a certain number of vacation or sick days. It’s like a benefit, not welfare. Nobody “pays” for it, it’s employee appreciation.

Is anyone thrilled to be able to spend time with a new developing child? That seems to be lost in the conversation. Is anyone upset because their career is going down the drain while they are spending time with their baby?

Should the govt pay social security while a woman stays home to care for her children? Will health care for all make a difference? If your health care was paid, would you work or take off time for the baby? Are you just staying home because child care is too expensive?

@skfinkel I stay home because I believe it’s the best thing for my children for minimum the first year of life. I do enjoy working part time jobs, to keep my sanity. If health care was paid, I’d still take time off…I wish it were like Canada, and every mother gets a year if they want it.
Also, my career is not “going down the drain”. I don’t have a career, so nothing to ruin. This does affect me having a full time job and building a resume. But, my ultimate goal will be reached with a degree (nursing) which I am working towards, I will only be able to gain experience in that once I’m done school. So, nothing I can do about that.

@skfinkel I enjoy staying home with my children. I never had the kind of career that I felt I was throwing away, and losing any kind of work status was never a concern of mine. When we couldn’t support our family with one income, I worked. Better to be able to feed, clothe, and house a child than to stay home and have no way of making ends meet. I’m sure there are people who feel that you shouldn’t have a child if one parent can’t stay home with it, but I don’t feel that way. Two of my kids were in daycare full time and for several years I worked in a daycare center.

Good parents are good parents, whether they both work or not. I’m not any different as a parent than I was when I worked, and if my kids are happier now they don’t show it.

Thank you @RedPowerLady and @ubersiren for those explanations. I now have a better understanding of how maternity or paternity leave works.
It seems that this may be an eternal problem, just like many other dilemmas.
We have choices to make that concern us our children and society as a whole.
I am happy with the choice I made, it was right for me and I believe my family as well.
My grown kids tell me that they are glad I was home, and they understood why money was very tight. It is also the choice they have made as adults.

My son and and daughter-in-law are very fortunate to be living in France right now with wee Jake who is 5 months old. My daughter-in-law has been working there and both are completing dissertations. Not only did they get great pre-natal care but my daughter-in-law got 6 weeks paid leave before the baby was born and 10–12 weeks after, although since it was summer she was off longer. Because my son’s work time is flexible, he is doing a large share of the parenting now and both of them are able to be very involved. They are delighting in parenthood!

@skfinkel no I don’t think that’s lost in our conversation, just that the conversation is revolving around another matter entirely..of course I am thrilled to stay with my children, that’s why I had them to begin with…and both parenthood and careerhood get adjusted throughout life given new circumstances…obviously one can get ‘derailed’ with their career if they have children but these breaks have been good for me…my children have brought balance to my one-track mind about what I’m supposed to be doing in terms of my professional accomplishments…so I have remained flexible which has benefited me and my partner and my children

I think if I had been able to take a full year it would have been better for the child and for me. Not that she did not have the best of care; but you miss a lot, those first few months when you have to go back to work. And let’s face it, until she was nearly eighteen, her needs were paramount – come to think of it, they still are. Did it affect my career? Almost probably. Do I care? Not at all.

@janbb That is so fabulous.