What does it mean when your Parents ignore your existence?

What does it mean when your Parents ignore you existence?
It means you are free to ignore them back.

I am sorry they are so awful and have been so to you. It must have been awful growing up in that family dynamic.
But now you are an adult and have control of our life, destiny and happiness.

Do not let them make your adulthood miserable- it is YOUR choice now.
Do not let their actions in any way affect your life today.

Find your love where it will be returned and be happy.

It means that, sadly, they don’t love you and don’t really care about you. The best thing you can do is love and deeply care for your children as they didn’t.

I’m going to echo what @Dog has written. It’s not ideal family can’t always be the closest, most trusted, most safe and most loving of the people around you but now that you are grown and more- now you have your own children then you are the head of your family and choose the positive people to be your intimates. It’s important you show your children how to do this so they can take power over themselves and choose the best for them as they grow and form relationships. It really doesn’t matter what it means that your parents are acting that way because they have nothing positive to offer, let them remain as they choose out on your periphery, protect your children from their weirdness.

It sounds like a long talk with your parents is needed and you need to be understanding of them as they need to be understanding of you.

Take care of this soon because one day they will be dead and you don’t want to live with wishing you’d done something but didn’t.

@MiddleSibling, first of all, welcome to Fluther. I can’t speak for your family situation, but I can say that I’ve noticed that a number of my friends who have three children do have a harder time relating to the middle child. I think that’s because the oldest child does everything first, so there’s the newness of that child’s actions, and the youngest one is, well, the youngest one. The middle child seems to spend a lot of time being resentful and jealous of the attention both the oldest and the youngest seem to get, which can make them difficult and high maintenance to be around. If parents are aware of the middle child plight, and go out of their way to compensate for it, like making sure the middle child gets one-on-one time with both parents, then things usually seem to work out fine. However, if they don’t, then that resentment builds and lasts and middle children have difficulties relating to their own family that they don’t have in the world at large.

It’s really hard if the parents are given to labeling their children, as in “the smart one,” “the pretty one,” “the difficult one,” the lazy one,” “the slow one,” etc. It’s hard to get over that. I really had to struggle with my mother with the labeling issue. I was the smart but lazy one, and my sister was the pretty and hard-working one. I could never be pretty, and my sister could never be smart, and my parents could never see what was wrong with that, because in their reality, that’s how they saw us.

It becomes not so much that they don’t love you, but that they don’t understand what you need from them that they aren’t giving you. They don’t know what they’re doing wrong, because in their mind, they treat everyone their children the same.

Did your mother actually say the words, “the sound of your voice disgusts me?”

it means you really need to find people who do love you and care about you a lot and realise that you are so so so precious, love thyself! and heal thyself…and stick around…we have a lot of lo(ur)ve to offer…welcome to Fluther xxx

I appreciate the responses and am trying to figure out how to response to each comment. Anyway, yes I did talk with them and all they said was that they love all their children the same way but they don’t. My mother did not say my voice disgusts her but when I called her she said with a huge sigh, Yes MiddleSibling, what do you want? My husband tells me he has never seen parents treat a child as they treat me. I really wanted to see how others impartial to the situation would view it. Thank you so much and I am glad I joined fluther.

I’m really sorry you feel that your parents make you feel that way. :-( It sounds like you’re a wonderful parent to your children, and close to them, and your husband loves you very much.

One fallacy is that it’s the nature of large to be close. That’s not often true. Perhaps there were personal circumstances around the time of your birth—marital problems, depression, financial woes, etc. that your mother cannot get past even if she can’t recognize them as being an issue. I guess what I’m trying to say is that perhaps her difficulty in attachment to you is related to her own difficulties of time and circumstance, and is not you personally.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.

I’ve noticed my husband is the most left out of family functions, and he’s actually the oldest child (out of three) It’s actually probably more upsetting to me than him, since I guess he doesn’t notice but I certainly do. It’s the first time I’ve encountered a family completely ignore a family member and not invite them to family get togethers…WE have to ask when and where, and then it doesn’t feel like an invitation at all.

@Dog gave beautiful advice. You are loved by the family you have made for yourself.

Maybe they don’t like you….

(I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just being honest, life isn’t always full of love and happy endings, sorry.)

urrrr What?? @cheebdragon

I can totally understand where you are coming from. We have a similar situation with my inlaws (but we are both the oldest children) Way long story…

What @dog stated is so to the point and true. Don’t let it affect you anymore. The best advise I can share, always be polite and friendly when contacted, but don’t go overboard or out of your way to please them. Killing them with kindness when you’re contacted is a pleasing revenge.
It can be a difficult time when you are around them, but keep the conversation light, enquire how they are and answer politely. Then move on. They will wonder what hit them and you can keep your head up that you are above rudeness and crap…

You have adult children. You have been married for 27 years.
If your parents ignore you, move on.

is it just me or is everyone being really harsh today??? blurgh

If they ignore you, feel free to ignore them right back. Instead, pay attention to your own children and grandchildren so none of them feel left out.

To add to what @filmfann stated. You are about 50, Your parents are approaching 80. This cloud has been hanging over your head and obscuring your world vision for almost 5 decades. Undoubtedly it has had an effect on your children. Enough already! Your elderly parents are never going to be what you want them to be so if you can’t get past this it will always keep you from being the person you can be-the best parent for your children.. the best grandma for your grandchildren. If you can’t do it yourself, get help. Forgive your parents and move on.

@lynneblundell Harsh, maybe, but 4 decades of chewing on this bone has led nowhere. It’s time to try something else.

MiddleSibling, first of all I’m so sorry that you are going through this type of treatment. I’ve been going through the same scenario with my parents and brother for the last five years, and no matter how old you are it still hurts like crazy. It is a total embarassment when someone asks you how your holiday was and you tell a white lie and say “fine” when actually you were not even invited to your parents house at all and they only live one mile away from you. My abusive parents have always preferred my brother over me because he constantly demanded their approval where I was the quiet one and stayed out of trouble. It’s amazing that this favoritism still rings true into our later years.

My best advise to you is to live your life to the fullest, be the best parent/grandparent that you can be, be successful in all aspects of your life as possible, surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, and create your own “family” comprised of loyal trust-worthy friends. Best wishes to you!

Though not as obvious, I feel like I’ve been going through this my entire life—being ignored by my family. It’s never so “in your face” as not inviting me as MiddleSibling describes, but it’s as though I’m completely invisible at times. Now I’m starting to intuit that my kids are being ignored in the same way by them. I just don’t get it. Talk about low self esteem! This treatment has made me an angry, depressed, frustrated person. I’m desperately trying to turn things around for myself but just when you think you have a handle on it, wham – blind sided again! It really does send my world upside down sometimes. It can change my mood in a split second.

I have no advice for you MiddleSibling… just my deepest sympathy. Can you ever imagine treating your child this way? And if your child came to you and told you how they felt, wouldn’t you stop and listen? Mind boggling!

I wish I could give you a hug. :)

Make voodoo dolls of your parents and light them on fire! PROBLEM SOLVED

PLAN TO SEND YOUR PARENTS TO A NURSING HOME…FOREVER!!!

Love yourself and seek out surrogate parents! FYI, I had my lover (15 years older than me) adopt me in a pretend fashion. HE’S MY DADDY

You have two distinct families in life…

1) Your birth family.

2) Your CHOSEN family, which may or may not include any blood relatives.

I believe your chosen family to be the most important, because they have earned that inclusion by being loving, lovable and contributing to your ‘foundation’ in life.

Choose wisely…with your heart…and, be happy.

My best to you.

middlesibling—I am so sorry. I am going through the same thing with my mother and siblings. I was very close with my father….when he died, my siblings ousted me and my mother went along with them. They abandoned me when I needed them the most. Now, after 10 years and a ‘reconciliation’....they daily ignore me and my children on Facebook. We are all connected but my mother will sing praises to my sisters and nieces and nephews….but nothing to either me or my 2 sons.

It hurts and I don’t know what I did to deserve this rejection but my faith is what pulls me through. I am so tempted to write something on FB with a ‘passive aggressive’ twist to it. But I feel that if I say something they don’t like, they will throw me and my boys away again. It was so easy to do before.

Anyway, my prayers are with you. We are in the same boat.