If you found out that your daughter's or son's spouse was cheating on them, what would you do?

Do you have the kind of relationship where you would have expected your mother to take you in? If yes, then she must have a reason. If not, then you needn’t expect her behavior to change.

I hope that you get yourself and your husband into counseling at once. If he won’t go, you go alone. This is too hard to get through all alone—and you will get through it but you need some help.

Do you have some friends who you can turn to for comfort?

It sounds as though you are being thoughtful about not arguing around the baby. That is good. Lastly, are you sure your husband is cheating on you? Is this something he says he is doing?

So sorry to hear about all your trouble, but hang on. Things will get better.

Wow, a lot going on…you must, first of all, see a psychiatrist to get your postpartum depression in check, because it may be coloring all of your other experiences…I don’t know you or your family but both your husband and mother sound like jerks, from what you describe…again that may be biased…if my child’s partner was cheating on them and I found out, the first thing I’d do is tell the partner that I know and that I will give them a chance to inform my child themselves and if, within a given time, they do not, then I certainly will…

It seems as if your mom is being heartless but they always say in 12 step programs you can choose your friends but you are stuck with your family. So not much you can do on that front. I would save my anger for the cheating spouse, he deserves it more, you chose each other and now he is not honoring his commitment. You must either solve that problem or find a way to live without him. Are you financially dependent upon him? If you are, it makes life more difficult, but I am sure there are some charities that will help you. If not, just resign yourself to living under his economic canopy but all the while planning an escape. You will have to be strong and brave but it is possible.

Seek help for the depression, that is step 1 and they can probably help you formulate and execute step 2.

It may be that your Mom is trying to stop you from making things worse. She might figure if you left, you would never return, and by staying you have to face what is happening.
I am not saying she is right, I am only saying this is what she might be thinking.
Certainly see a doctor about your PPD. You are in my prayers.

Oh man, you do have it tough right now. I am always disgusted to know that men cheat on their wives, and worse during pregnancy or when the infant is very young and mom needs the most help. Have you spoken to him? Is he willing to stop seeing the other woman? If you are vengeful you can take some comfort in the idea that he probably gave her the HPV that caused your cervical cancer.

Is your mom not letting you stay because she wouldn’t in any circumstance, or because she thinks you should work it out with your husband or what?

Is there another relative who will help you and let you stay for a while if you feel the need to leave your home?

I’m really sorry that you’re going though this. Perhaps your mother has no idea how bad of shape you’re actually in. Can you check yourself into a treatment facility for the PPD? You can’t begin to address the marriage issues until you take care of the PPD first.

If I found out my daughter’s spouse was cheating on her, I would be sympathetic, but my first inclination would be to try to stay out of it until my daughter filed for divorce, at which point I would do everything I could to help her until she was able to get on her own feet. Marriage, for better or worse, is between the two people who are a party to it. Adding parents and in-laws into the mix can only make it worse.

She might feel like you’re trying to shove the baby off on her since you have a lot you’re dealing with.

If you have a reasonably normal relationship with your mother (no major issues) then, yes, I do think she is being insensitive.

you don’t have to understand her reasons to understand that it’s simply not an option available to you. you’re stressing about her now in addition to all the other things you’re stressing about.

sounds like you’re collecting things to stress about. you don’t need asylum. tell your husband to move out. the baby has to be comfortable at home. failing that, he can just sleep on the couch. don’t make things more complicated than they have to be, for the baby’s sake.

do you feel your husband repentant? if so, why leave at all? trying to punish people out of spite is the biggest waste of time.

I am simply amazed at the kindness and care expressed by all of you here on fluther. God bless you!!!!! I
***warm fuzzies***
I am finncially dependent on my husband, who has a seperate bank account and has me in a full nelson there. He is sleeping on the couch now. I have the feeling that he will end up crawling back but I am a shattered, devastated woman now and I don’t look at him the same way anymore: he is ugly to me.
In the past year, through a very difficult pregnancy I have withdrawn into my home like a hermit and haven’t had anyone to talk to, really. I have made an appointment with a marriage counselor to go to alone to try to get through this without completely falling apart. I have also applied for legal aid in filing for divorce. I am proud of forcing myself out of the house to do these things. I have had post traumatic stress disorder before and I know I have a pronounced case of it now. I’m a basket case’s basket case and a psychiatrist’s wet dream. But I am still functioning for my children, even if I am on autopilot.
My mother had an aneurism four years ago and had not been quite right in her mind and actions since, but truthfully I think she doesn’t want my husband and I to break up simply because she owns our house and my husband pays the rent, and if he left I wouldn’t be able to pay her the rent that actually covers the mortgage on this house.
I don’t know what I will do to get by but I will. If any of you have been cheated on I do want to ask: does this pure, grinding, burning hell of agony ever recede? Will I ever feel like a woman again? Will the shock and pain and shame and anger ever go away??

@turtlegrrrl, Big hug. To answer your questions, the answer is yes to all of them. You will feel better. You will come back, stronger than ever before.

You need to get yourself into a better place before you make long term decisions. Any way you choose, you are going to have challenges ahead, and you need to do that with a clear head. The difficult pregnancy, cancer, new baby, your mom being so involved in your existence, lack of financial independence, other children to care for, are all points of stress inputs, both for you and for your marriage. And now the infidelity added into the mix is one more straw—and a big one. You said that you think he will come crawling back, which makes me think that you think that he really does love you, is basically a decent person, and that the affair could be perhaps be related to how difficult the last year has been for you. While that’s not an excuse for his behavior, it certainly would indicate that marriage counseling would be beneficial to your relationship.

While it’s want to easy to jettison the last stress element first, you really need to take care of yourself first, then your children. Let him to continue to sleep on the couch and pay the bills while you get yourself together. Let him figure out how to take care of the kids while you get yourself well—they’re his children, too.

I know several middle aged couples whose relationships survived extramarital affairs, and are quite happy, but it did take time and lots of work.

I would not stick my nose in an affair nor would I get involved in my child’s marriage. I would offer my child asylum no questions asked.