How do I nicely tell my already-shunned best friend that there's no room for her in my New Year's Eve plans?

Tell her flat out you and your sweetie would love to spend time with her at lunch or at some other time, but that night you are happily booked ;)

I agree with @SpatzieLover . Let her know she’s welcome any other time but not New Years Eve. If she’s a good best friend she’ll understand.

That sucks. You just have to be frank. Maybe suggest some other things she can do.

She can hang with me.

@poofandmook You got J for 11 d and n’s. Neither of you are hardly ‘besties’ ; more like beasties .

I agree with @SpatzieLover.

I’d tell her you’re not available and when and why, then offer to do something really fun with her on another day before New Year’s (if you can do so), so she won’t feel so neglected and alone on New Year’s. If you have a plan and offer it to her, it will be hard for her to feel upset with you, and you won’t have to feel guilty about her situation. A win-win?

I think that if she’s going to be otherwise alone on NYE you should probably incorporate her into your plans somehow. I’m sure she’s do the same for you. Otherwise just do as already suggested by @SpatzieLover

You could go out with her for a drink or appies early in the evening but tell her that you have plans with your SO for after X o’clock.

I was going to say what @janbb said. Ask her if she’d like to get dinner and a movie or out for drinks or a manicure, but you’re meeting your honey at 8 or whenever for a romantic night. I bet she’ll understand.

Help her sign up for a singles party at a local club, or as a volunteer at a teen club in your area.

“I only get J for 11 days, and I’m sorry, I’m not willing to sacrifice any alone time.”

@avvooooooo: Yes, what about it?

I only get to see him for a week and a half or so 3–4 times a year. I can see her every weekend if I want to. I don’t think I’m being unfair here.

@poofandmook Just tell her that. She knows how seldom you get to see one another.

You have some good answers here. But if I were in your friend’s position, I would be very hurt, no matter how you worded it. You are choosing your boyfriend over your best friend who is hurt and lonely, and there is no nice way to say that because it is not a nice thing to do.

I think the kindest thing to do would be to take a six-hour or so hiatus from sexin’, and include your friend in your plans for that evening.

@nikipedia : I see your point. I felt the same way, but I kind of feel like this is an exception since the boyfriend is only there for 11 days. I don’t know, it’s a sticky situation.

@nikipedia: I already had plans made… we had never discussed it. She invited herself, which like I said, 99% of the time wouldn’t be a problem.

…AND he’s only here for 11 days, at least three of which are claimed by other people.

I kinda agree with @niki. I think all women have been dumped by their friends for a man. It hurts and it makes one feel uncared for and
unappreciated. This is one thing I always hated about hetero women friends. Gay girls rarely do this.

I think I also forgot to mention that I have roommates and this is the one night we get the house to ourselves since they’ll be gone.

@poofandmook You are certainly justified in wanting time to yourselves, especially if its limited. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into including her when she invited herself on the one time it wasn’t ok. Odds are that tagging after you and your boyfriend, she’d be more miserable than spending the time by herself and you have a right to alone time. Tell her straight up how it is and carry on with what you planned.

Be honest and frank—like almost everyone has said. “I’m really sorry, I know this blows, but he’s only here 11 days, and this is the only time we’re going to have the house to ourselves.” If you’ve put the effort into it you can always add, “But you can always go to so-and-so’s party” or something like that. I’d really just leave it at “Sorry, but no” with the reason why.

I would be totally miserable hanging out with my friend and her lover. Talk about ginormous third wheel! If you are best friends [two-way street] why would she want to be with you two?

@faye: I have been trying to figure that out since last night when the subject came up.

I would tell her that if you and J change your plans and decide to go out for New Years, she is more than welcome to come along, but the plans right now are for a romantic evening for 2 at home, alone.

@PandoraBoxx what a perfect solution!