What should i do about my age/love problem?

Unfortunately, I see no middle ground on this. You absolutely, positively must tell Bruce your correct age. If you and he are (or become) intimate, he could be in legal trouble. He needs to know the truth of the situation. There’s simply no way around it.

You need to be honest with him immediately.

Your deception might be fun and games to you but you are putting him in legal jeopardy and he needs to know the boundaries to protect himself.

Your maturity does not matter nor does your current status of sexual contact (assuming there has been none) He needs to know.

thank u guys! but just to give a lil positive my parents would approve gahh if that makes anything better!

If your parents would approve that is great. You can tell them right after you tell him.
Just be honest and in the open to all parties involved.

@nikolinaxitaliax Actually, your parents’ approval does make it a little better. If you’re okay with the age difference, and he’s okay with the age difference (once he learns of it), then the people most likely to cause hassle for you would be your parents. So if they’re okay with it too, everything might be fine (once you’ve told everyone the truth).

i really dont no how to tell him i mean wouldnt he hate me after this. it amazes me so much how happy i am with him and how my cheek bones hurt from smiling so much. he is sweet and considerate and honestly a beautiful person. i dont want to hurt anyone i just have some trouble thinking clearly when its most needed. :/

he has already approached the idea of us in the future dating and becoming serious. something i very much need ( someone to be with thru it all.) hes alot to me already. it makes me sick to face the lies

Okay.. so if you care about him- tell him.
He could go to jail for being intimate with you.

Or you could wait until he finds out on his own and then really does get mad at you.

Take your pick.

The “mature” thing to do is tell him the truth.

@nikolinaxitaliax As sick as the thought of facing the lies makes you now, just remember, it can only get worse… not better. Bite the bullet. Tell him now. Just tell him what you’ve told us. The lie started years ago, when you were younger and more foolish, and you didn’t know how to change it, but that you knew you needed to come clean with him now because you really care about him and want things with him to succeed…

have u guys been in this situation before >?? lol great answers thank u all

so…thru text call in person? i might actually become sick while exposing this truth! no bueno! this is rough. hes such a great guy maybe i don’t deserve him anyhow

Grow up, and tell him in person.

ouch be nice please

Dearest,
this has nothing to do with legal affairs! It firstly has to do with honesty, and love.
Being honest in a begining of a relationship is very important, and becomes more important in the light of the fact that lies have a way of turning up!
If Bruce cares for you, he will not change his heart over two years of age, It is you he cares for, and not your age.
Tell him of the situation with your ex, and what happened, and how it came to be that you lied to him. tell him that you also suffer from having to lie all the time about your age and that you dont want to lie to him.
With a little trying the two of you can afterwards find a way to tell the rest of your friends and release you from this burden of having to keep lying, to people who anyway love you for your self, and not for your age.

@Marva That was well put.

Welcome to Fluther both @nikolinaxitaliax and @Marva

You need to be honest. You need to tell him in person. Love is risk. If you really feel as though the two of you could become something great, then you should not start out by lying. Completely disregarding the legal matters, if you continue to lie to him, he WILL NOT want to be with you. You say you are mature, then be a grown-up and face your lies. If he doesn’t understand then you will have to move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you are only sixteen. If he understands, then you two will finally be on equal footing in the honesty department at least, and that makes all the difference.
Tell him soon, and good luck!

thank u ! and i will! im going to come clean so i dont hurt him and it wont get worse… i hope! i have the best of intentions! so i will see him this again weekend… and as much as i dont want to wait to tell him then i have no choice. grr im nervous! :)) thank u all and i hope all is well in your lives im open for giving advice anytime

Props for at least asking about this, @nikolinaxitaliax… and welcome to Fluther.

Lasting relationships aren’t built on lies right from the start. So yah, you need to follow thru on your commitment to tell Bruce. He absolutely needs to know for social, emotional, and legal reasons.

—

And if you’re open to some additional advice, I suggest dialing back on the “falling in love” and “never let go” talk. New relationships are tricky. Even moreso the younger everyone is and when you’ve got major school and career commitments looming.

So bring it back in a bit. Take it easy. You’ve got lots to do and you will get there in time. Ain’t no reason to rush nothing.

thank u for the welcoming response :p and i wish i could take it slowere but My head spins with every thought of him i almost wish it wasnt happening.
the truth always comes out i just need to make sure its me who does it

More unsolicited advice – Love is not unreasoning or blind to logic. It’s the result of hard work and patience. In short, the feeling is just the tip of the iceberg.

You need to be honest and tell him in person. You never should have lied in the first place, but the only thing to do now is to tell the truth.

If you’re too immature to tell the truth about your age, you aren’t mature enough to date a guy that much older than you.

Tell him the truth, and tell him right away. The sooner the better. If he loves you, he will wait for you. The age difference is not so much, but is more extreme since you are still only an adolescent. When you are 20 and he is 25, it will be fine. But now, you are still quite young. And you must know that if you are intimate with him, you are what is called “jail-bate.” Tell him now!

Well forgive me for my flaws im doing the best i can in the worst situation. I will tell him the truth but i must find a way to tell him that i am comfortable with.

“Hey, Bruce. Good to see ya again. Would you like to come to my 17th birthday party?”

(Honesty + Bad news) x A Party == Win

lol nice one robmandu i wish it was that easy

Folks- if you read the responses you will see that @nikolinaxitaliax is indeed going to tell him.

Maybe just a nice t-shirt?

;-P

@nikolinaxitaliax I have no room to judge you. I totally lied to a boyfriend about my age when I was 16 as well. I had told him I was 18, with no intention of starting a relationship..I didn’t think anything of it. We did sleep together and within a week or two I felt badly for deceiving him, and I just told him the truth (it was right before my 17th birthday)

He was not angry, and took it with a grain of salt. It took five months for us to develop into a relationship, and we dated for two years. Telling the truth isn’t as scary as it seems, and I’m glad you’re going to because continuing the lie won’t be as easy as you think lol. Good luck! I’m sure if he really cares about you, it won’t matter. I personally don’t think it’s that big of an age gap.

I am glad you are going to tell him and agree you should definitely do it in person. If you have any chance of this turning into something serious, you have no other choice. A healthy relationship of any kind cannot be based in a lie.

Try to imagine how he would take it if you told him after several months of dating or if he found out some other way. He might not be so willing to forgive that level of dishonesty. (It is understandable at this point, but not if you let it continue.)

Good luck to you when you see him this weekend. :)

okay i know this question is going to take a turn for the worst but .. haha say this weekend we go out and party with friends like the usual and we all stay the night together and then we wake up and go get coffee and i tell him then.. would that be okay? or the right time?

As soon as possible.

That means… as soon as possible. Playing all weekend and THEN telling him is not “as soon as possible.”

Alright geezz

Hey, you were the one that told a lie. Now act like a grown up and ‘fess up to it. If you think we’re giving you a hard time its because you did something stupid that you need to learn from.

Yes. Tell him right now. Today.

Well i understand that but dont act as if you have never made a mistake. Learning can’t be forced upon someone its a process that takes time. We all know this, and being rude about it doesnt benefit anyone. Thank u

Nobody is being rude.
You asked for advice, we gave you advice.
You ignored it with your comment on waiting until the next morning.
You’re trying to be mature about this, right? You want him to treat you like you’re older than 18, yes?
You have to act it first.

Of course she is going to ignore our advice, it’s only natural. As she has said learning can’t be forced upon you. Ultimately she will do what she wants, and even if it is a huge mistake, at least we offered her sound advice.

trust me eveyone i am grateful for all responses but i only ment ”“avvoo”” was a little blunt about it. Anywho i know what i must do and it has become more clear to me because of eveyone here thank u.

@nikolinaxitaliax Its not being rude, its being truthful. If you want to date an adult, you need to act like an adult. If you’re not able to do that, you don’t have business dating who you are. Its a pretty simple concept.

@avvooooooo I concur. Well said.

@rangerr Thank you, thank you very much. ;D

So have you already told him? If not, why not? If yes, what did he say? :)

I have not! But i plan too this upcoming weekend, just not ready yet i suppose

Alright so too everyone who has been curios about my situation it isnt going well. Because of another problem with one of my friends.. his friends just found out about my age. they all freaked out and told him an hour later after i left. he told me he doesnt believe any of them and i am royaly f*ed in this situation. i cant muster up the courage to tell him now thru the phone but i will most likely end up doing it tonight. I want to tell him in person but we live far away and i need him to hear it in person. i am sincere to the full extent about how sorry i am. im scared and deeply saddened by this idk what to do.

He is the sweetest most important person in my life and i can not live with myself after i end up hurting him this breaks my heart. please someone give me an idea on what to do next. Im begging you.

@nikolinaxitaliax You should have just confessed since his friends told him. Did you deny it??

no but i didnt say it when i should have.. he is so sweet i cant do this. we are amazing together. he doesnt believe anyone and i have to tell him but i dont want to thru txt /call

Looks like “as soon as possible” was exactly what should have happened.

You need to grow up and ‘fess up. Continuing the lie now is just stupid.

See where lying gets you?

You need to get the idea out of your head that telling him will be hurting him.

NOT telling him is what was, is, and will be hurting him. Stop angsting over it. Drawing it out makes it worse, not better. Tell him! Not telling him immediately because it’ll be hard for you, or because you don’t know exactly how to approach it, is selfish, not “mature.”

@derekfnord Amen.

Now wait to be called rude for telling the truth.