Have any of you had to begin dating again post-divorce, past age 35?

I’m a 32 year old male without kids and I have never been married. I wouldn’t think twice about dating someone that is 37.

I went through something similar. After being married for 9 years, I was divorced in my 30’s with massive self esteem issues and no money. It took me a while, but I eventually realized that I was perfectly fine on my own and I even developed some self respect. I’m currently in a happy, supportive, committed relationship, but I sometimes miss that time of being on my own, answerable to no one, completely free to do as I want.

Focus on yourself, do the things that make you happy, and don’t worry about a new relationship. It will happen in it’s own time, especially if you keep an open mind. Self assured, self confident, and happy individuals are much more attractive to others, so it’s a win-win.

I dated after my first marriage ended in divorce for about six years until I married my second wife about seven years ago, so my age during that period was 42 to 48. I had a large circle of friends, who were more than happy to set me up with single women they knew. I went on quite a few blind dates, and tho most never went beyond that first date, it was all generally good fun.
To find someone with common interests, you might consider taking a night course in a subject of interest, or an art or craft or joining a club or gym or volunteering at an animal shelter, or whatever you like. Unless you have friends setting you up, like I did, you need to get yourself out there.
And by the way, you are not old, and you can be as attractive as you want to be with a bit of confidence and a bunch of smiles. Good luck, have fun and be safe. See ya….Gary/wtf

I divorced at 30, did some dating and entered a long-term relationship that I ended at 39. I tried online dating and met some decent guys, and was in a pretty serious relationship for a year. That ended 10 months ago, and I have dated since.

I second @syz‘s comment… enjoy being single and unaccountable for a while. Too many people get into the pattern of always finding the grass greener on the other side… but there are pros and cons to each situation, and it is to your benefit to make the most of the positives that you have in the here and now.

I was abused in childhood, and as a result, I had a ton of self-esteem issues that contributed to the dysfunction of my relationships… especially the earlier ones. I strongly suggest that you put a conscious effort into exploring your own inner demons and what role you played in how your marriage evolved and came undone. I am not saying that you are to blame for his cheating… but you say that he did it more than once – so consider why you stayed as long as you have. If you haven’t already, you might want to consider counseling to help minimize the risk of repeating those patterns.

Dealing with the end of a serious relationship is like dealing with a death… your entire vision of your future and your identity need to be redefined. You also need to take the time to mourn for what has been lost in terms of your hopes and dreams. You were a very different and much younger person when you entered into that relationship, so your priorities and goals in life are likely to have changed… so you need to analyze what matters most to you from 35 and on.

Get to know and love you for who you are now. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past… and acknowledge the strength and resolve you found in yourself to stop repeating those mistakes. When we can appreciate our own value, we are more likely to attract others who will feel the same.

To establish a social life and find others with similar interests, I recommend Meetup.com. it is not a dating site! It is a site that hosts groups that anyone can organize based on any interests… book clubs, hiking groups, ski clubs, women’s groups, dining out, movies, yoga, fitness, motorcycles, dancing and basically anything you might be interested in. Like others have said, by doing what you enjoy, you are making the most of each day and having fun on your own… plus you increase your odds of making platonic friends, and perhaps finding romantic partners, with others who share common interests. Be patient!

And I will share my dating motto with you:
“High Standards, Low Expectations”
Good Luck!

Yes, focus on yourself. That’s your best bet. Do the things you wanted to do for yourself, but said you’d get around to later. Well, it’s later. Take that art class. Learn wall-climbing. Volunteer for needy kids. Do something new!

And in keeping with what @hearkat said, allow yourself to truly grieve your loss. Chances are, when you go deep enough, the divorce isn’t the only one. No, it won’t feel good, but let your emotions through because they’re meant to be released!

I agree with most take this time to take care of number one YOURSELF. I was married for 15 years and divorced at 42. It was hard but i had friends that were very supportive. Dating took a long time for me. My actual seperation was at 39. The best thing to do is to make friends and just enjoy life at this point getting into another realtionship with out first working through some of your own issues would be a disaster. Use this time to get to know yourself again.

I was 52 when I met my fiancee, and with her I have found what has become the best long-term relationship I have ever had. I believe we are meant to grow old together, and so does she. I had 2 previous marriages each lasting about 14 years, and I have 2 sets of kids. Take heart. 35 is actually quite young.

@turtlegrrrl ; This can also be an amazing time for you and your kids. Often times people find that being a single parent is WAY easier than being in a dysfunctional parenting partnership.
It will be hard, but you will survive.
All the advice about taking care of yourself is great, but I know how exhausting that can be when you have so many other responsibilities. It’s important that you value yourself and carve out a little “ME” time in your day so you can be your best for your children.
You may find that you’re more attractive than you think. Years in an emotionally abusive relationship can blur reality.
Good luck my friend! It looks like you’re moving in the right direction.

@Judi: Good point about the kids (I didn’t realize there were kids involved). Being a single parent is exhausting, because you are “on-call” 24/7. But I found that being in a dysfunctional relationship was like having another child! So do make a point to find time fir yourself, and since you’ve been stay-at-home, consider taking classes or learning a trade while the kids are in school, because when they are grown, it will give you a productive outlet (especially if you’ll need to support yourself once child-support runs out).

@aprilsimnel Very nice answer.

Online dating is the way to go. My soul mate found me (2nd divorce age 34) online. Yahoo personals to be exact. Allows you to look for a guy from a safe distance. Look for honesty.