Is "Why do you love me?" a legitimate question to ask your partner?

It’s bad form to question someone’s love, but at the same time, if they can’t answer the question, there is a problem. Sometimes, it’s good to ask yourself why you love someone.

Love always has reasons, whether conscious or not.

Yes, it is a legitimate question. I’ve asked it many times.
You should definitely have an idea about why someone feels the way they do about you. Although you don’t need to know it, it’s always good to know. It makes you feel great about who you are.
You’re not questioning they’re love, you’re not asking “Do you love me”, you’re simply asking “Why?”.

For someone with ADD or the lack of ability to concentrate on something serious, I wouldn’t be surprised with a “I don’t know” or something along those lines. Either way, there’s a reason for everything. and that reason in particular is 42

I think it’s a perfectly legitimate question. Do any of us see ourselves very clearly? The only mirror we have is the one in our love. If we ask that question, we can find out much about what is valuable inside us. If we never ask it, we remain clueless as to who we are.

it’s cute! as long as it isn’t asked all the time. or over and over. it’s a way to tell someone everything you love and appreciate about them! more than a couple times is a drag…......

I ask it all the time. I never saw a problem with it.

@daloon Great answer. That’s where I was going in mine :D.

It’s a tone thing.

Why do you love me? Bad.
Why do you looooove me? Good.

If someone asks this question, I kind of feel like they are fishing for some sort of compliment. In a good relationship, it is apparent why the love is there. I would rather my husband tell me on his own rather than me asking for it.

I agree with mostly everyone so far. If someone asks because they’re fishing for a compliment, or because they need to reassure themselves that their partner loves them at all, it’s a really bad thing.

But when asking out of pure curiosity, while not arguing, etc. I don’t see the harm in it. I also think that someone should know why they love someone else.

@jamielynn2328 I ask this question, not for compliments, but just for curiosity. It’s nice to know why someone feels the way they do for you. Sure I know some reasons why, the reasons that are clearly visible, but it’s nice to know the little things.

It’s definitely legitimate. But that doesn’t stop it from being annoying. I never really know how to answer. “You’re… you.” I’m not sure how to be specific.

I got this question a lot in my last relationship. Answered the same way every time.

“Do you remember all the good times we’ve had up to this point? That’s why.”

It is. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to articulate with words why I love him so much, but he would understand that there are other elements to it that I can’t say out loud, and are just there, and he knows them, and that’s why I love him! Yeah. :) I do think there are people out there who wouldn’t be satisfied with an answer like that, which seems a little sad to me, because I think it’s a beautiful thing when you and your partner just know that there are feelings that are deeper than what you can express with words.

You are allowed to ask it once per relationship.

After that it becomes needy bullshit.

“Why do you love me?” indicates a drop in relationship feelings on at least one side of the relationship. Women ask this of a man, when they don’t feel the love the same way as they did in the past. It is insecurity, but we are all insecure sometimes.

A question that a guy might ask in a moment of insecurity: “How did I do?”

We all have a requirement for feedback.

I like to ask it for an ego boost :X

@casheroo me too

I agree- it just plain makes us feel good. Good time to tell him/her some nice things, too.

I have asked this in the past – though I generally have a good idea as to why someone loves me and why I love them

I absolutely think its a legitimate question.

When ever I screw up, I ask my wife that question. She always has a good answer, and I know she is being sincere. She loves me for lots of reasons, and I love her for lots of reasons, but mostly I love her because she loves me, despite my occasional major fuck up.

I love you because you make my heart go butterflying. Whenever I see/meet your eyes, I feel secure, protected. That spark in your eyes makes me feel like I’m the only one. And I would say million other stuff.

Words of Wisdom by @Dr_C “you’re different. you’re special. you’re not like the rest.”

I myself hate this question. If it’s asked as a joke,it’s not so bad. When it’s asked as a serious question it’s impossible to answer.

You’re essentially asking your mate to boil down what makes you “you” to them. You’re expecting them to distill everything that they feel brings you together into a couple of phrases, and putting them on the spot wondering if they’re giving you the “right” answer or if they’re giving enough. You’re not allowing the love to happen, you want a definition. It’s like trying to consolidate religious faith into a mathematical formula. The feelings might be there, but the words may not be.

I’d be worried if my girlfriend had a fast answer for that question, especially if she had a single, concise reason. Maybe if she could stammer out a tidbit or two there, but I couldn’t expect her to give every reason. I certainly know I couldn’t.

But then again, it could also really depend on your definition of love.

@RocketSquid Ah, see… I think people should know why they love someone, and there should be reasons – but no one said answering the question would be a fast answer. ;) I also think that if someone asks the question wanting every reason, they shouldn’t ask at all. But, it’s nice to know that someone loves you for real, genuine, tangible reasons. Hearing “I love you, but I don’t know why” just feels really bizarre and uncomfortable, on a pretty deep level. If one doesn’t know why they love someone, how’s it special or meaningful? Why not just walk down the street and choose to love the next person you see? That’s kind of what I equate it with. lol

If I don’t know, I just do is a legitimate answer then Why do you love me? is a legitimate question.

@sebastian_von_tulu <claps> I agree.

If someone doesn’t have the self-awareness to give an answer to that question, and then another answer, and then another…..etc….., then they aren’t the person for me.

it is a valid, but dumb question, is like asking “why water wets?” you can come up with a cientific type answer with facts that suport such answer but in the end, do you really care???

It is legitimate to want to know, but in a good relationship they will probably tell you without being prompted. I would hate it if an S.O. asked me that question. The subtext of that question seems to be, “You aren’t paying enough attention to me lately, and I need to be reassured.”

I agree with asking the question to re assess a relationship going through or gone through rough changes, people like to be on the same page when they invest more and more. I’ve also experienced the “bad” kind of situation where it was important to ask the question so I could move on away from someone. My best friend asked a partner of mine I’d broken with why he wanted to come back to me, why he “loved” me. The answer was bittersweet, the man said he loved me because he believed no one really loved or cared for him as I had and he felt he owed me his life; that wasn’t what I wanted though. I wanted to be loved out of choice and joy rather than insecurity, gratitude and obligation.

@DrasticDreamer It’s not that I feel love is unexplainable, it’s more that it’s an emergent property. I might love a girl because she’s a great cook and a wonderful conversationalist, but if I lost the ability to speak or taste wouldn’t mean I’d love her any less.

note to self: Do not ask @Blondesjon “Why do you love me?”

you all have very legitimate answers, but you are all forgetting the base of human nature. deep down all emotions are a chemical connection in your brain. how are you supposed to answer that question? you cant really explain to someone why they give you overloads of endorphins everytime you see or smell, or even interact with them. sometimes the simple thought of a person gets your chemicals moving and cannot be understood why.

and kudos @rocketsquid… great answer!

@jonsblond: That’s easy. You’re you! XD

@MacBean You just turned my frown upside down. thanx! :)

This question caught me off guard because I haven’t heard it in a long time. I heard it everyday from my second wife.

I am married to my soul mate now, and I do what I have done when I care about someone, I tell her all the time all the reasons why I care about her, in a million different ways. I pursue her daily, I am discovering something new about her at least a couple times a week, sometimes every day.

I just noticed a few days ago that she absorbs beauty around her, that she it taken by wildflowers in a field, or a horse running, or hummingbirds acting goofy. I keenly sense that she detects her own beauty in the created things that she experiences.

So I tell her what I notice and how cute it is, and how beautiful and sensitive she is. This process of learning her and pursuing the truest, deeper ‘her’ seems to answer that question so that it never comes up.

My theory is that whole heartedly pursuing someone answers those questions intrinsicly.

Hope this helps!

@noraasnave “Whole heartedly pursuing someone…”

Yes, exactly. It’s the small things… Noticing the beautiful things that make your partner who they are. Loving them for those reasons, and knowing that you love them for those reasons. Anyway, GA.

Just make sure you don’t wholeheartedly pursue to the point where they get freaked out…

@MacBean I dunno about @noraasnave, but I’m talking about wholeheartedly pursuing someone you’re already in love with. :)

@MacBean I wholeheartedly pursue someone who in turn wholeheartedly pursues me. We are discovering each other. We are soul mates.

I do agree if I were wholeheartedly pursuing someone who didn’t know I was doing so…there would be other things to call it, such as stalking or targetting.

Asking once is acceptable.
Asking twice is insecure.

@ItalianPrincess1217 Agreed. Unless, of course, you don’t get any kind of answer other than “I have no idea” the first time you ask. ;)

Don’t ask them “WHY”...Just show them ALL weekend…