Does falling in love have to be hard?
For the first time in my life I think I’ve found what I’m looking for and fallen in love…I’m 37 and obviously on both sides it brings with it baggage and complications on his. I have been seeing this man for 6 months now. He has just disclosed that a couple of months into our relationship that he slept with a female friend who he was previously having a physical relationship with but apparently ended the arrangement when our relationship began. He remains friends with this woman and assures me that it was just one night. He is going through a divorce and he stated that he was testing his run at freedom and it confirmed that that wasn’t what he wanted and he loves me to much to lose me. I’m feeling very torn as the thought of ending our relationship physically hurts and he has promised me that it was a ‘blip’ and he wants to build a future with me.
Am I being a weak person if I continue with the relationship?
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Is it Valentine’s day? What’s up with all the love questions?
@erichw I don’t know! where is Dr. Strangelove when we need him (or astrochuck!)
No, but it’s a lot easier if it’s hard.
If you know what I mean…
Because if it wasn’t hard, you’d never know you were in love. If you never had your heart broken or got angry or felt upset or jealous, you would never know that you loved the person. It is hard because you care about this person, yourself and the relationship. If you didn’t care, this wouldn’t bother you and you probably wouldn’t be in a relationship. It is a painful, but rewarding journey.
@erichw1504 you’re not helping. insensitive, dude.
@definitive I believe that it was a blip. In fact, I did the same thing (a wee blip) a few months into seeing a previous g/f. (I had just come out of a 2 year relationship). The gf and I ended up staying together for 10 years.
Give your guy a chance.
@jmah I was just wondering.
I agree with @jmah probably a blip. The only way to find out is to keep dating him and confirm you feel him trustworthy.
I agree, too- I wouldn’t think about it- don’t worry about it.
Do you love this person? Does he love you?
He didn’t have to tell you about this. He probably feels guilty because he wants to honor your relationship, and the guilt was bothering him. He wants your forgiveness.
He probably shouldn’t have told you. It only hurts you, and it really doesn’t help anything else, but a lot of people don’t understand that when they confess something they don’t need to confess. If he thought about it, he might not do it. It has nothing to do with your relationship and everything to do with his guilt.
If I were you, I would tell him I believe him and I don’t ever want to hear anything else about it. Then I would proceed to believe him as best I could. It is very likely that he won’t ever do anything like that again. But you’ll come to know him better and better, and you’ll have more to go on should he ever stray again.
In the end, though, it’s how he feels about you, not what he does with anyone else. It’s about how he behaves with you. Is he around? Does he give you what you want and need? Is it a joy for him to do so? Is he obviously obsessed with you? If he treats you the way you want, and if you feel he is committed to you, then I think that’s what you need, and it really doesn’t matter what else he does.
Others will disagree with me about that last, but I wonder what else you can do? Clearly he felt a need to confess. That makes it seem unlikely that he would ever do anything behind your back.
You said “he’s going through a divorce.” That would be my first indication. I wouldn’t get involved with anyone until they were finished resolving the old relationship, unless of course, you enjoy drama. Add to the mix the old flame and my spidey sense would be telling me something too.
It always gets hard when love is involved.
I’m with @Judi as some of you know I went through a relationship with a man going through a divorce… when I think back…well..be very wary…he also slept with his wife several times whilst we were together..horrendous!!...don’t do it yourself… if you love him and stay with him, fine… but if he does it again, cut his balls off…
I agree with what @daloon says in that your guy didn’t have to say anything but he feels close to you, trusts you to confide in enough to bare something that’s caused him a lot of guilt which he seems to not want clouding what’s between the two of you. I also agree some things shouldn’t be confessed to a lover that can’t be resolved or add anything positive to the relationship, no real lesson to share there, just evidence of his trust in you. I’d give him a go and keep this in mind a very good friend shared with me, “trust but verify”.
I agree with “trust but verify.” He didn’t have to say a word but he did. If he is otherwise a caring person who treats you with respect and with whom you can laugh, then I would go ahead.
However, you should probably hold back a bit at least until his divorce is over as if it becomes a battle you could be sucked into it, or you could even be used as ammunition against him.
Good luck, and trust your gut instinct.
Falling in love is easy, its falling out of love that is painful
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